how do i get my husband to trust me?

Question

I told a lie (about money), i finally came clean about it 2 days later, my husband was really mad. how do i get him to forgive me and to start trusting me again. also, he is always throwing it in my face that i lied...how do i get him to stop?

Answer 1

dont lie any mor.

Answer 2

Men generally feel very violated when a loved one has taken his money, it's almost like he's being taken advantage of. That's his perspective. When you understand that it's as serious as you cheating on him, he might forgive you. Once he forgives however, get a commitment out of him (and don't do it again).

It also depends on how much. If it was 50 bucks, that's one thing, if it was 10k, that's quite another, it also might depend on how much money you're worth in general. If we're talking a lot more money than that, it's all relative.

It might work to say, hey, you either forgive and forget and never bring it up again because that would be the most successful way to work through it and to give the relationship a chance at remaining healthy. (just don't do it again)

Answer 3

First, let him know how it truly wounds you that he uses this as ammunition (remember the feeling and you vow within yourself to avoid the same in the future). You've already apologized, so you don't need to do that again. But what you can say is that you were sorry that you did it, that you hate that it happened, more because it has cost you much more than you gained. It cost you his trust. Tell him that you will make every attempt in the future to be as honest as possible. Tell him that he can trust you and then prove it every day from this one to your last one. Unfortunately, it takes along time for trust to regrow. Each person is different. He doesn't need to keep beating you up with it though. He needs to give you a chance to re-prove yourself.

Money evidently means a lot to him. He needs to make sure that it doesn't mean more to him than you do. You might bring that to his attention too. Arguments over money can kill a relationship very fast.

Answer 4

Lindsey, all of us men/women do make mistakes all the time, your is about money. Yes your husband got upset because you lied to him, but you've done what needs to be done, you made a mans out of it. Now just leave it as is, do what you usually do each day, and try not to mentioned it anymore. Your husband is disappointed right now, but one way or the other he'll get over it.
Next time be honest and open with him, so that way he can start trusting you again. Ask yourself as well, did he ever lied to you in the past??..keep it in mind that no one is perfect on this world.............

Answer 5

Only time is going to help your situation. Try not to let it bother you and just move forward. I know you know you shouldn't have lied about it and you'll never do it again. It'll just take time for him to realize that. Let him be mad for a while. Tell him it's not fair to keep throwing it in your face. It's mean and really bad. And, if he has no intention of ever forgiving you that maybe you and he should just end it right now (this is a bluff and you really don't mean it). Usually, this should snap some sense into him.

Answer 6

How long has it been?

If this was a serious lie it's going to take time. Things like this are serious breaches of trust in a marriage.

However, if he is going to forgive you, he has to forgive you and move on. Throwing it in your face won't help.

I suggest ignoring it for a while. If it persists, tell him that you understand his hurt but he has to learn to trust you again. Put the ball in his court and ask him what you need to do for him to trust you again.

Answer 7

Trust takes time to rebuild. You may have to just play by his rules for a while until he knows that. Is this the first time you have lied? Sounds like a big blow up for a first time. He may have issues about trust and/or money. A counselor may be needed in the long run.

Answer 8

It sounds like he's on a bit of a power trip. You did betray him with money and he's mad, but throwing it in your face will not make things better. I'd suggest counseling for both of you. He'll probably say no, but try it anyway, he needs to learn how to forgive.

Answer 9

When he brings the subject up again, tell your husband that you are not going to allow him to keep you on this guilt trip forever. If you have confessed and asked his forgiveness, that's enough. If he continues to badger you, he's dealing with control issues that must be stopped. Only you can do this, by no longer allowing his behavior.

Answer 10

Whether us fellows like to admit it or not were all control freaks. Tell him that's enough and to get over it and grow up.If you want me to I will tell him for you. His love for you is real but selfish. Instead of making you feel good about yourself like he SHOULD he is doing the opposite. You confessed, your sorry, period, nothing else can be done.Now here is for your husband.



Dear Husband
You probably won't like this at first but please think about it. I wish I could tell you how wise I am but I can't. What I am telling you is learned the hard way. Belittling someone you vowed to love, honor, and cherish will only make things worse and when the real test come your house will be divided. Please for your own good start putting her first and your whole house will be blessed.It's been a struggle for me and my wonderful wife but now were a home that is blessed.

Answer 11

Well, you have to give it time first and foremost. You say it took you two days to tell him but you didn't say when that was and what the money issue was.

Show him that you can be trusted. Ask him to consider forgiving you...and let him think a while.