I have only known my boyfriend 3 months but we have lived together for 6 weeks and are very much in love.
I know he is 'the one' and I would love to marry him. I feel that if we were married then he would really be 'mine'.
We have both been married before and let down by our partners. I would ask him to marry me but I feel it might scare him off and he is possibly not ready (he has only been divorced 4 months).
He is so good-looking and I feel a little insecure that someone might tempt him away from me.
It is preying on my mind. Please help!
2007-03-08 00:38:39 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Okay, I only read your question and none of the details. Do you realize how terribly desperate that sounds?
I've read the details and I don't feel any better. What makes you think he would truly be yours if you married him? You sound very insecure. Let this thing develop. It's waaaay too early for the "M" word. You will freak him out, and you should be freaking yourself out a bit. You have to consider your motives here. Yes, you say you love him, and you don't want to lose him. But I get the feeling that something is missing in you. Learn what that is and work on that. I think you should have some feelings of, "Hey! he might lose me; I'm a catch too." Don't fall into the ... "He completes me," Hollywood crap. You should be complete all on your own, and together you two should be a really awesome and complete couple that live and love well together.
Sorry ... I'm off my soapbox now.
2007-03-08 01:01:31 · answer #1 · answered by Dino 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think you need to slow down a bit and stop worrying so much. Don't rush into this, as he is newly divorced and hasn't even taken the time to deal with that yet. Getting married isn't the answer to making him "yours". You have been married before so you know that marriage takes work on both peoples part to make it work. Step back and take the time to really get to know each other before you make a commitment like marriage. If he is the one then you have nothing to worry about because things will only get better between you two and time will make your relationship stronger. You are worried about someone taking him away from you.....that could happen whether you are married or not if he is that kind of person. That's why it's better to take some time to develop a real trust in each other before getting married. Also, work on your insecurities and you will be a better partner. Good luck.
2007-03-08 00:58:46 · answer #2 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Getting married just to ease your insecurities is a bad idea. It will not stop him from straying if he is the straying type, and if you haven't figured out yet whether or not he is, it's definitely too soon to get married. Time will help you with that. You may scare him off by asking him at this point. Just relax and enjoy coming to know each other. Don't lay your insecurities on him and expect him to change his life just to ease them. It's not his responsibility and will cause resentments in the long run. If you really feel that you can't trust him to stick it out with you, then you should question the quality of the relationship. If there are no valid reasons to not trust him and it is merely your insecurities, take some time to get them in check. Otherwise it is a direct sign that you aren't ready for an intimate relationship. Relax and enjoy this time when you are in love and coming to know each other. Don't taint it with unnecessary insecurities. Good luck.
2007-03-08 00:54:57 · answer #3 · answered by Laura Renee 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are moving way too fast, and being way too needy. You should know someone (not live with him) for at least a year, preferably longer, before you consider marriage. You probably thought your last husband was "the one" at some point too. What is your rush? The fact that he has only been divorced 4 months should be a giant red flag. By moving in with him so quickly, you created a false intimacy. You need to take a few steps back, move out, and actually get to know this guy. Good luck.
2007-03-08 03:18:58 · answer #4 · answered by Tiss 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ever hear the saying ,"you have stars in your eyes?" that is your deal. right now he is really "yours." u will know when the time is right to get married and if u had to ask this question then u already know he probably isn't ready. if you will be honest with yourself u prob aren't ready yet either. take some time to know each other. his faults haven't even had time to show yet. enjoy the "stars in your eyes" time together. there's plenty of time for the rest. don't be so insecure that he may stray. if he's in love with u then that won't happen and if he was going to stray then he'll do it whether u are married or not. also just a little hint. u are sounding a little posessive. not a good basis to start out a marriage. good luck to u both
2007-03-08 00:58:14 · answer #5 · answered by a very happily married woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone is very much in love in the first three months of their relationship that is why it is called the 'honey moon' period. During this time we see everything through rose tinted glasses. You need to be very careful if your boy friend has only been divorced 4 months he could be on the rebound-people need to grieve after a divorce. You mentioned your boy friend is very good looking doesn't he have any other qualities? Don't do your self such a disservice as to rush into marriage when you have already experienced a broken marriage. If this relationship was meant to last it will last whether you are married or not.
2007-03-08 00:54:03 · answer #6 · answered by GEREAM 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he really cares about you also you should not have anything to worry about. Do not get married wait and if it is really meant to be than you two will be together down the road. You just met him I think you moved in together too soon also but hopefully it will work out. If he leaves you then that is what was meant to be. You can wait or maybe end up in divorce court. You make the call.
If you ask him to get married after 3 months he may get scared. I think it is too soon after his marriage to get married again and if you ask that he may leave. Stick it out with him for awhile maybe a year or two then think about getting married if you are still together.
2007-03-08 00:48:44 · answer #7 · answered by Virginia B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Use this time to get that awful insecure feeling OUT of you.... pushing for a marriage won't fill that emptiness.
You need to have your own fulfilling life with interests and friends. Marriage is two people coming together to make one (its not two halves making a whole).
Say a prayer. Take a class. Go out for a night with your girlfriends. Put your relationship in perspective. You've got a great guy...but thats not all you've got and that certainly is not all you are.
2007-03-08 02:15:42 · answer #8 · answered by Sweetserenity 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take it easy ---- marrying someone is no guarantee they're going to be "yours" - and certainly it's not a healthy thing to rush into marriage because you're afraid someone else will get him. If it doesn't work out with him, it's better to find out BEFORE marriage. You don't want to be his rebound relationship --- develop your friendship and the intimate part of your relationship (where he confides in you what's important to him and where you're the one he turns to for comfort or your opinion) -- that's what will keep him. Good luck
2007-03-08 01:05:12 · answer #9 · answered by GrnEyedBlondeSwede 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A wedding vow doesn't keep people faithful these days. If he's going to stray, better for him to do it while you're single than to have another soured marriage. Let him ask you when he's ready and don't push it. Men despise the feeling of being trapped. If he feels free, he's more likely to be faithful. Weird how that works, but that is how it is.
2007-03-08 00:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Kyle 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋