How can I ever get over what my ex did to me?

Question

Hi there, this is a bit of an unusual situation but I hope you can give me some advice. In 1992 I met my ex boyfriend and we had an on off relationship until 2001. I was totally potty about him, but he was jealous and insecure, as was I, and he wouldn't feel comfortable about me going out with my friends or having male friends. We would argue all the time and in the end I ended up near a nervous breakdown which I was prescribed a really heavy medication for. I reacted very strongly to the medication, becoming paralysed and nearly dying. Whilst I was in hospital he ran off with my best friend and I never ever saw him again. Fast forward six years and I'm a sucessful london dj, but he's jumped on the same bandwagon and has started a record label and club and all sorts and I'm so dreadfully affected I no longer leave the house in case I bump into him. He's literally everywhere, has infiltraited my new world completely and it's driving me to want to quit. How can I deal with this?

I forgot to say, after we broke up I became severely agoraphobic, developed OCD and had a speech disorder from the effects of the haloperidol, so I was pretty disabled. The dj'ing was a way of getting out the house, but I can't even see his name without feeling sick. I have a wonderful new boyfriend who I love, but I can't bear the thought of seeing him and my ex best friend, who are still together. It makes me sick, she looked like me, copied everything I did but was still in her teens (I was 21, he was 23). After he left he said I made up being ill, even though I had to have speech therapy for months to even speak properly again. It destroyed my entire existance for years, and now he's telling my new friends these awful things about me, and what with the dj world being so cut throat place, him being around all the time means he's growing in the environment and I'm disappearing. I just can't deal with it. I need something, but I don't know what, just to be told that I wasn't lying....

Thank you all so much for your lovely answers. I think half my problem is being worried I'm mental for still feeling so hurt and destroyed by the sight of his name. I shall not quit though, I just got offered a job in Paris! That should take my mind off things, at least for a bit.

Him talking about me confuses me very much, he sent messages to my friends saying that I was deluded and mentally challenged and that he would never cause any harm to me...and that he has avoided going many places in case he saw me. He's keeping this alive as much as I am I think, and the lack of resolve means it burns us both up perhaps.

Again, thanks so so much for your answers, I appreciate it so much.

Answer 1

Get and stay positive, ignore him as much as possible. Don't worry about what he is saying others will see through it.

Answer 2

ok...wow...this is deep...kind of sounds like a movie flick or sumthn. The best way to get over your ex is to make yourslef happy and find somebody better than him. No man or woman is worth anything if they do the things that he done to you. Especially the paralysing and death issue. Its painful because that was like alot of years of your waisted time. Thats not real love, that was a bunch of bullshyt. Me personally I believe things happen for a reason, even if it takes years!! God has a plan for everyone, you are going to end up very successful and HAPPY!!! jus dont give up now, move on, cuz there are plenty of fish in the sea, and when you meet the guy whop truly loves you then you will know. You dont want a man with insecurities about who you hang out with. If he is showing that he cant trust you or you cant trust him, then yaw shudnt b together point blank. Trust is a very big factor in a relationship. Thats jus how I see it. And ive experienced it too, just as a different story.

I WISH YOU THE VERY BEST OF LUCK AND GOD BLESS!!

Answer 3

Once again whatever one focuses thoughts, feelings, emotions on, one attracts into one`s reality. Always. Without fail. Birds of a feather flock together. To change one`s reality one needs to change the SUBJECT of one`s thoughts and desires. Straight meditation coming from a negative place will not work either. One needs to consciously focus on what is wanted. The very best is to imagine that it has already happened and stay in that headspace for a few minutes at a time. In between such sessions keep your attention on other positive things. Make the effort to feel good. So go this route before leaving for Paris in the springtime. Enjoy.

Answer 4

Never give up and don't let this guy take away your life. You are successful so be proud of your accomplishments and continue to enjoy doing what you do. Don't let him have any control over how you live, where you go or what you do. He hurt you badly once before, so don't allow him to do it a second time. If you do happen to run into him somewhere, just smile and carry on. Remember the best revenge is success and you've already achieved that on your own. Get back out there and show this guy that he has no affect on you or your life.

Answer 5

This is complicated and it would naturally affect you. I can understand; your mind would be split up - to quit means you go back to your shell and start a new life all over again or face it and live with an emotional torture each and every single day. I see you trapped both ways.I would suggest you should seek a counsellor's help. Sometimes they motivate you in such a manner, that even big problems start to become trivial.
Have you ever tried spritual ways to deal with it??? There are a lot of great healing therapies. I can see your subconscious mind flooded with the bad memories which is but obvious.
I have seen people get over such problems through Reiki healings, crystal healings. I would really suggest you try some healings. I have experienced reiki myself. It is a very gud healing and makes you really positive.

Answer 6

Obviously, this dilemma has and is still affecting you tremendously. You definitely have some lack of self confidence. But so do many people. I strongly suggest you relocate. far far away. Another country, to be frank. You need serious distance from the "jerk" Trying to live your life with him anywhere in the vicinity is not working. it's OK to run if it will improve your life. It would be a positive step for you. And also a challenge for you. Your occupation is world wide. use that to your advantage. Out do him....."better" him ! prove to yourself how strong and persevering you can be. We have faith in you. You have friends.

Answer 7

This guy is a piece of garbage. What he did was inexcusable and unforgiveable. I can understand with how badly he hurt you that memories and feelings are surfacing but it has been six years! Over my dead body would I shut myself in for fear of running into him.

Try to focus on how far you have come. You are now healthy and successful, are you not?

I say keep doing what you're doing, get out there every day and continue to succeed. Make these feelings productive and let them motivate you to even higher success! Screw him. NO FEAR!!!! Living well is the best revenge.

Answer 8

Learn to forgive him. Acknowledge the facts as you've done in your question and details. Recognize you can't change the past.

Say to yourself, "I forgive so-and-so. I have the power to forgive. I'm in control over my thoughts and emotions. I will not bond with him through resentment of fear. By forgiving him, I'm healing me." Come up with some statement like this, write it down and practice it throughout the day or every time you think about him and start feeling like you are losing control.

Good luck, and God bless you,

Earf!

Answer 9

I recommend seeing a councilor or a psychologist. They are able to give you pointers and guidance through your problems. It is really good to talk out your problems out with someone that does not know you because your friends will tell you what you think you want to hear, but professionals are not biased.

Answer 10

Tell the gossips you are not interested in him or what he has to say. Ignore him he is scum. Pull yourself together and live your own life, Be strong stay positive.