my wife had sex with another guy?

Question

we are working things out but will i ever find peace with it. I think about it all the time. I love her so much and she does love me ( even though she did what she did) she did tell me the next day she was leaving because we were not getting along most of the time. Our relationship is out of this world right now but im still having problems with the sex she had. Should i kick his but ( I really want to ) but promised her i would not should i just say screw it and walk away,would that make things easier or should i stick it out and hope i can get the thoughts out of my head

Answer 1

I hate to sound cruel, but you may never get the thoughts out of your mind about your wife, and the fact that she did what she did is proof that she doesn't love you in the way that she should. Somewhere things went wrong and rather than discuss them and try to find a way to fix it, she ran to another man, What's to say it won't happen again when things aren't good for her? Not to mention the fact that when you get in an argument, you will always have that as ammunition to throw at her. Most people who take a spouse back after something like this say it won't happen, and even try to avoid it, but when it comes to a big argument, it is the first thing that comes back. You need to do your own soul searching and find out if you think you can let it go. Just remember the old saying "fool me once shame on you. fool me twice, shame on me."

Answer 2

It sounds as though you two have had a wonderful relationship. It would be terrible to throw that away over a mistake. I guess I encourage four things. Stick with her, it sounds like you two really love eacn other. If you aren't already in couples therapy, get there now. She needs individual therapy too, to work through what just happened to her and to try and guard against it in the future. And lastly, she needs an accountability person(s) (and it can't be you), someone she can trust completely, someone who will hold her accountable and keep her from either sleeping with this guy again (he'll most likely keep sniffing around) or from falling into another affair with someone else. Once someone has cheated in a marriage it seems as if a switch is flipped, it becomes easier to fall into the same activity again.

Good luck, my man, don't give up on this one, however do dump the feelings of kicking anyone's butt. Go out into a field, and take those desires and any thoughts you have of your wife and this guy, scream at the top of your lungs, and leave that $#*% in that field never to be taken back up again. If the thoughts come back, go to another field and repeat. Do this until it's completely out of your system. Go to these fields alone. This is your burden, you must dump your trash. It will make the healing occur faster, and will help you both in your couples therapy. If the field thing doesn't seem to help then enter individual counseling to help excise this poison. It will will eat you up inside and kill your marriage if you let it remain in you.

Answer 3

Okay this comes from experience:

I'd like to say leave her that you deserve better and honestly you do. Now with that said you have made a choice already and things seem to be getting better for the two of you. Try and stick it out.

Not all cheaters cheat again, this I too know from experience, now that is not to say that all cheaters learn from there mistakes and don't do it again. MOST do not learn a damn thing and do cheat again. NOT ALL! If you have chosen to work things out give it an honest try and I do suggest counseling as you will have to work out how this made you feel and find a way to move past it. This does not mean that you will forget, trust me I don't think anyone ever does. If you put in an honest effort and it still bothers you to the point of you being miserable then move on and tell her why you have.

I wish you luck and hopefully you and your wife can work things out.

Answer 4

You have to follow what your heart is telling you right now and only time will tell if you can forgive. I am speaking from experience, unfortunately, my husband cheated on me 6 yrs, ago. We went to a marriage counselor and that helped, but you are the only one who be able to know if you can make it work or not. I know exactly how you feel, you are blaming yourself, thinking why aren't I good enough, maybe if I did something differently, but don't do that. This is her problem, not yours! The other guy is not to blame, if not him, it would have been someone else. She holds the responsibility for her actions. IF you think she is being truthful, and she is sincerely sorry and it does seem like you want to make it work, then try, but just know...you may be able to forgive, but forgetting is not an option! Time will lessen the pain, and it is not something I think about all the time anymore. In fact, it barely crosses my mind much, it is definitely not the vivid thoughts it once was! In fact, when I feel uneasy, it is not the actual act that comes to mind, it is the distrust, if that make sense? I know I am going on and on, but I want you to know, me and my husband have stuck with it and here we are 6 years later and things are good! So you can make it past this, if you so choose! Good luck with whatever you do!

Answer 5

I know things are not the same right now for you. I do feel for you because it did happened to me and my 3 kids 3 months ago. You are right to feel what your feeling right now, wanting to kick him so you can let your anger out, but the people here are right, its not him only. Even though she commit adultery, you said you still love her and you want to work things out.
How much is your love for her,is it strong enough that maybe one day you might forgive her? Did she have feelings for this man,that's why she had an affair with him? This are the question that you must ask her and face with her. When I found out what my husband did, I was hurt esp. for my kids. At the same time I was so angry that it consume me. Yes the thought of my husband sleeping with her just can't get off my mind, even now that its been 3 months since I found out their affairs. This married woman that slept with my husband broke my family but without my husband lust,it wouldn't happen.
Just follow your heart and if you think that you need to forget it like I do, then heal yourself first............I'm so sorry!!

Answer 6

You will probably never get the thought out of your head but willing beating this guy up really help? NO.What's done is done. Maybe you should take a little break from your wife and figure out if you could live with her knowing that she slept with another man. It's going to be hard. It sounds like you were having problems, maybe try counseling. It's start to recovering ever it don't mean staying together.

Answer 7

How could you stay with her and lover after she did something like that to you she cheated on you she betryed you she made love to another man my advice is you leave her you say you are to good for her youve been faithful she hasent you deserve better and you should go out and find the someone that wont ever cheat on you that is such a horrible thing if my wife ever did that to me we would be done and i would be gone i could never forgive her for that but i do value sex very much so as a intimate thing between two people that are in love and together so thats my veiw on it

Answer 8

Just get a divorce, you should not kick his butt, he deserves it, so does she, but violence will only land you in jail, and you will still be angry regardless. You cannot get past this, because it is the ultimate betrayal, and says something about her character, she is a cheater, and will always be one, next time you piss her off, she is going to hop in bed with a stranger, that is her way of getting beck at you for whatever you did to make her mad in the first place.


Move on, life is too short.

Answer 9

In such situations you should know that you have 2 choices: 1) You decide to stay with the cheating $%&*!!! in which case you're also deciding to forget the whole thing and never bring it up again, ever. 2) You decide to leave, in which case you should also never look back. Sounds like you haven't made the decision yet -is it perhaps because you haven't talked the whole thing over properly?

Answer 10

Im sorry to hear about your current circumstances. If I was in your position I too would have a hard time letting it go and thats perfectly alright. What she did was wrong.
If you do feel she's sincerely sorry I would give it a shot to forgive her. If your relationship is getting better and maintains a good status then I would try to let it go.
But, never forget.. fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
-I hope everythig works out alright