I do - he dont :/?

Question

Me n my fella are engaged, and thats the way he wants it to stay :( altho i dont wanna get married anytime soon i wud like to when im nearing the 30 mark but he never want to tie the knot he only wants to stay engaged, becos he jus sees marriage as a big expense. I know he loves me very much but wat wud u do in this situation jus leave it and carry on knowin that ull neva have that weddin or wat?? :/

Answer 1

Do you want a big wedding or would you be happy with just the 2 of you on a romantic beach in the Seychelles? If the latter, it doesn't need to be that expensive. Put this to him & if he doesn't go for that either, could be he just doesn't ever want to get married &money has nothing to do with it.
Good Luck.

Answer 2

Thats a personal decision, something only u can make, because these are ur dreams, and feelings at stake..

If u love him enough to never have a "real marriage" to him then stay.. but also forsee the pro's and cons of the situation, unless ur married, u cant be on any legal documents of his as far as life insurance, retirement, social security benefits, medical / dental benefits ect.. , then again, most states, have "common law " marriage, which after living together as man and wife for a certain amount of years, ur considered husband and wife, and have it declared legal in a court of law..

For some people they can live happy lives together with out the piece of paper, but theres no real security in it.. Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell for example have been together over 20 years and never married and have children together, but at the same time, she doesnt exactly need his security finacially or otherwise because she's worth more then he is..

So it all depends on what u want, what u need, do u need that piece of paper ? Also religion does have a play in this as well..as alot of religions are just totally against the "living in sin" etc. so its something u have to personally choose for yourself..

Now for me? i couldnt do it.. if after several years he still had zero intention of marrying me, i would have to go my seperate ways even if it killed me inside to do so.. to me marriage is sacred and to me if someone claims to love u so much then they would love me enough to see that im worth that piece of paper.. and id rather my children be raised in a home of doing what is right, and learning by examples of a healthy relationship and what a marriage should be, rather then always being afraid of making long term commitments...

Good luck i hope u make the right choices for you, and be able to be happy with those choices 10 years from now..

Answer 3

The wedding is the expense?? Being married is no more expensive than being commonlaw. If it's the wedding, well...ELOPE! My parents did. Cost them the license fee and why not buy some flowers (he should buy you some anyhow). Tell him you want to elope. Ask him if you can spend $100 or so on eloping and then go have dinner. If you want to get married, and he never does, Dr. Phil would say "Break it off and give him an ultimatum, and if he says no, then either be happy and forever satisfied with what you have, or move on and find someone who will marry you. Because you're worth it."

Answer 4

Ok - what's the point of engagement if you're not getting married? Also weddings don't need to cost the earth! At all!! Mine's costing £1200 - beautiful dress and everything! I have a stunning 8ft long veil for £20, a brand new (with tags) Maggie Sottero dress - £300. Getting my bridesmaid dresses for £40/£50 from the US - why does it need to cost the earth? Make your own cake, ask friends with nice cars to drive you to the church. He's scared.

Answer 5

As far as I'm concerned, if a man says he will marry you and then doesn't, then he's stringing you along.

You want marriage, if he promises he does and then doesn't then he is breaking his word.

Its make or break time. Tell him that he will need to either marry you, or admit that he isn't as serious about this relationship as he says he is.

Besides marriage doesn't have to be expensive. With a marriage license you can marry without any ceremony. A cheap way for him to prove that he wants to be with you forever.

Answer 6

Tell him you want to get within a certian time frame, then if he won't leave him. If he really is concerned about expense of the ceremony then suggest some cheaper ways (ie. civil ceremony, family ceremony.....). he could just be making excuses too. You need to find out by giving an ultimatum.

Answer 7

Leave. If he finds that you're too much of an expense to marry, he ain't worth **** hun. A marriage also does not have to be expensive. It's his excuse for stringing you along in an 'engagement' having his cake and eating it too. Shove it in his face.

Answer 8

Engaged usually means, engaged to be married. Did he propose to you, ask you to marry him? he must have thought about it at one time or another or you wouldn't be engaged. Marriage doesn't have to be expensive, it can cost as little or as much as you want, it should be about becoming husband and wife and making a commitment. You need to talk to him about this, if he doesn't want to marry you, find someone who does!!!!

Answer 9

if you really care about him you would stay with him married or not. you can talk to him about it and see if the actual problem is the money that you will spend or it could be just an excuse to cover up what he really feels. if you have a small wedding it doest have to cost you a lot of money. i had a small wedding and i made most everything that i used except the wedding dress. i went to a wedding outlet store and bought my gown for about 100.00. but as far at the bouquet and the veil, i made those myself and saved me a lot of money. you will be amazed what you can do yourself if you really put your mind to it.

Answer 10

Suggest a very small wedding abroad without guests. It doesn't always have to be expensive and you don't even have to tell anyone.

Afterall, the wedding is not important, its the marriage.