My manicurist is living with a man who is separated from his wife. They have a house together, and the man has a five year old girl. Of course she is not a legal stepmother....but you know how that goes. She resents the child, hates the child's mother, and cut off the little girls hair - without the mother's permission. Of course the father would be a jerk enough to say that was fine....but he is living with a woman before he is even divorced so that means that he might not have integrity anyway. Should she have cut that child's hair.? The 'stepmum' was complaining that the mother was upset and that it was dumb...
2007-03-07 22:55:11 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
The haircut is professional and OK, but short. The resentment is the usual ' why does the kid have to be here every weekend' type of thing.
I do not think that she is actually cruel to the child - but who knows. The mother has to send her kid to a stranger - since it is the child's right to spend time with the father according to the law. That law doesn't state that the father is not to leave the children with his girlfriend/new wife at times. The kids (and their mothers) are stuck with those laws.
2007-03-07 23:07:47 · update #1
Mrs J.....you should try to relax. I am not involved in the the situation, emotional.....distusted maybe. You certainly do sound like an stepmother.
2007-03-07 23:52:22 · update #2
WATCHULOU - yes I do see your point.
I'd be flipping mad too if somebody did that - but so many do such things, and so many kid have to live the yo-yo life, I figured people would be more blase'.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts. You are right.
2007-03-08 00:04:46 · update #3
I'm s Step Mom and what thiss individual did was SOOOOO Wrong!!! She ahd no rights to do what she did and the birth mother truly had a right to be angry!! It is NOT Dumb either!!!
2007-03-07 23:24:28 · answer #1 · answered by margret t 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, it sounds like you are extremely involved & emotional over your manicurist's situation, and you might not be getting the entire story. I doubt that the woman actually "hates" the mother, or resents the child especially. Did she need her hair cut, or want it? Did she look like a scraggley puppy? The father has the right to make such decisions as that, and maybe it was like a girls day at the salon. I also don't think that since he is in a relationship, has a new home with the woman, although his divorce is not final, does not say that he is an awful person with no integrity. It sounds more like a very nasty divorce with undealt with emotional issues. I am sure the mother does things to or with the daughter that the father does not approve of also.
I know that my husband and I were less than thrilled when the mother shaved both boys heads to about a 1/4" with completely shaved Niki symbols on the back of their heads, especially since we are a union family, with union money to support them. or the time she dyed their hair to make a big skunk strip going to the middle of their heads either. It's just hair, it will grow back out (thankfully in some cases). Does the little girl look cute with her haircut, or at least being told by her mom that she doe? that is more what she should be worried about. It sounds like the daughter might be getting ridiculed for doing it...again...its just hair, tell her she is beautiful!
2007-03-08 07:10:09 · answer #2 · answered by MrsJ S 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That's child abuse! She's FIVE! How horrid! The father needs to step up to the step-mom. Or someone should report her. It's not the child's fault that her parents don't love each other...they should still love her unconditionally. How can a man love a woman who is cruel to his own child? She can hate the mother all she wants, but the child should NOT be involved in ANY of this.
Thank you for the extra info. to clarify things a little more. Professional cut or not, it doesn't matter. That's not her decision to alter the child's appearance. How about getting her ears pierced? I would be furious without giving permission. It seems to have been done in spite. That's the point. The woman resents the child..not ADORES her, and that means that actions like that are malicious, although perhaps subtly so. Laws or no laws, it's really the father who is to blame here. He is not paying close enough attention to the child. Which is neglect. Which is a form of abuse. My "step" children (grown) can't stand me. I would never do anything to hurt them though. I don't like their mother either, but that has nothing to do with them. My partner would throttle me (and rightly so) if I behaved like that woman. And if he treated my little boy badly, I'd kick his ***.
2007-03-08 07:01:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How dare she touch that childs hair without asking the mother...for one..she isnt the mother but a part time carer and part time is not full time so therefore she hasnt the right to make fulltime decisons. The father will stay shut becos his interests are to keep the peace. The mother has a right to feel stood upon becos she rbings that child up mostly what sghe only gets the bad decisions. Tell ya manicurist that you dont wish to hear how shes abusing a trust situation while shes at a place of work and you dont need to feel upset when getting ur nails done.
2007-03-08 07:02:56 · answer #4 · answered by cleo_alter_ego 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all nobody unless they are the childrens parents or legal guardian has the right to cut off this child's hair without permission. It seems to me the girlfriend is jealous of the mother and taking it out on the child. If she can't handle her boyfriend having his child every weekend she needs to move on. I would have this ***** in court on child endangerment charges. I would have guidelines that state the father is in charge of his child during the visits not the girlfriend. Keep records of what is going on and go to court. A judge can order the girlfriend not have anything to do with the caring of the child when she is visiting the father. Not all stepmothers are wicked but there are ones. They take their jealous out on innocent children.
2007-03-08 07:19:50 · answer #5 · answered by bbinqueens33 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She had no right to cut the child's hair without consulting her mother first. Of course the mom is going to be upset. It was rude and inconsiderate of the pseudo-stepmom.
She's the one that got into a relationship with a man who already had a child. She needs to suck it up and start behaving like an adult instead of a spoiled brat that isn't getting enough "daddy" time.
2007-03-08 07:47:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. I know of a situation where the parents were on the verge of breaking up and the child was dropped off at daycare every day with mangy knotted waist length hair. The caregiver was left to comb it and put it up before school. She suggested the hair cut several times to the child, and the child agreed, and the child herself started the haircut. Then a parent got the message and took her to the salon to make it more professional looking. You might not be getting the full story.
2007-03-08 07:28:13 · answer #7 · answered by Molly R 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It sounds to me that the girlfriend might be jealous of the child.
I am a stepmother, his son now lives with us, but before he came to live with us I would have never cut the child's hair or anything like that. there are just certain things that a "girlfriend" does not do.
2007-03-08 07:17:52 · answer #8 · answered by twyla 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's just a hair cut.
get the access order varied if it's such a concern.
2007-03-08 07:25:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
no she should not have cut her hair unless there was a really good reason, and you didnt menetion one
2007-03-08 06:59:56 · answer #10 · answered by bluelitttt 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋