Met a few guys last year and began having sex right off the bat with them. Perhaps its unnatural, but we actually developed a friendship with benefits. Problem is while I maintained that it could be casual and friendly, two of them developed stronger feelings towards me than just friends. Now I can't seem to shake nagging questions and jealously between them. I'm thinking of stopping the sex (the friendship would still be good, I'm sure) so that I can have less drama. Anyone else out there who has had experience with this?
2007-03-07 22:31:29 · 16 answers · asked by T 2 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
There are no boyfriends here because for a number of valid reasons, I'm not ready for that yet.
2007-03-07 23:49:05 · update #1
T, it's best not to combine the role of friend with lover. It is usually said that once two friends cross that invisable line, there is no going back. And once their relationship ends, so does any chance of friendship.
2007-03-07 23:14:28 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Have all the jealous guys (I doubt that there are only 2 ) read your question. It may be clearer for them to see it in print. Make it clear that each of them needs to get clear that there will be no boyfriend. Each will have to decide whether he can fall out of love.
The jealousy is about wanting to be your lover/boyfriend. Sex is the symptom. Even if sex goes away, they can't maintain a friendship unless they ditch the in-love stuff.
If they read it and won't adjust, stop the sex and see how real the friendship is.
2007-03-08 09:46:52 · answer #2 · answered by Joey 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I haven't been in this exact situation, but I have been in a similar situation. To me it sounds like it you have created a poly relationship. Not everyone can handle this type of relationship. You seem to be okay with it the way that it is and all of your needs are being met but your friends can't handle it. When people have these feelings of jealousy it is because they are concerned about losing out on some part of the relationship. I think that ending the sexual aspect of your relationship with each of them would be best. If you end it with only one of them you will only increase the jealousy and drama in your life. Best of luck!
2007-03-07 22:45:57 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
No experience with that specific situation, but...friends with benefits is a tough status to maintain. Maybe you could work something out between the two of them...get them to like each other more.
2007-03-07 22:37:44 · answer #4 · answered by chrisatmudd 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
well u'v defently got a good thing goen there, wish i was in ur position...
confront both of them @ da same time, same place, speak 2them about how u lik whats goen on and ur not interested or ready for a bf
maybe get sum 3sums happenen, that way every1 knows whats goen on...
u have got it lucky bro
2007-03-09 23:14:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you should just keep it at group sex. I've never been jealous during group sex and everyone benefits; no one in the group gets to one-on-one sex with another member of the group.
2007-03-08 01:01:12 · answer #6 · answered by Garon A 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You know the old saying "don't mix business and pleasure"
although I knew a hooker who coined the expression " It's
a business to do pleasure with you"
I think after a while your relationship with your friends will be
less sex and more friendship, sort of what marriages become
after time passes...
2007-03-07 23:01:10 · answer #7 · answered by susan B 1 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ooohh...f*ck buddies. i get it.
not a problem, i guess...just talk it over, if one of you would feel awkward about it and it affects the friendship thing, then there's a need to lay low. friendship doesn't have to be at risk just for the pleasure of sex.
2007-03-07 22:42:42 · answer #8 · answered by hypnotech 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There's nothing better than an intimate friend. Enjoy the closeness.
2007-03-07 23:10:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sex complicates things - - - one reason why Christian/Judaic/Moslem zealots have stridently supported monoganistic relationships. In my 'glory' days (fleeting I assure you) the situation popped up especially when, unbeknownst to 'virginal me' I glommed on to a pair or trio of guys whose friendship predated any relationship with any of them. In fact friends will play these jeleaousy games with one another - - - it is part & parcel of the drama of gay life you either learn how to play or simply be strong. Many gays & straights have sex partners & they have friends and neither of the two meet intentionally or otherwise. I have even known straights & gays who lived in one large metroplitan area and played in another (reference see murder of a Salt Lake Man who played in Park City). That said, good luck.
Peace...
2007-03-07 22:41:33 · answer #10 · answered by JVHawai'i 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋