Me and my partner have been together 8 years. Together we have had 3 children. Tragically we lost our first born son 5 years ago. We have never really got on and generally yell and scream infront of our kids. Which we both know is wrong and unhealthy. One day my partner comes out and tells me she wants it all to be over. She says that she doesnt love me anymore and theres nothing I can do to make her change her mind. What can I do, I still love her.
2007-03-07 20:56:20 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is very significant that you lost your first born son. There must be blame and guilt here. I wish you soul ease, and a lessening of the pain. Try and talk about that together, maybe get some counselling. I think that your mentioning it here means that the memory of whatever happened is very much with you both. Death and loss can shake up any relationship. Take care, I wish you well, and your other three children.
If I'm way off the point, I apologise - but I saw some friends lose someone and it took their relationship apart, and it was a beautiful relationship, and there could have been another way.
2007-03-07 21:07:09 · answer #1 · answered by Lorelei 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sadly you have to let her go, though maybe you can find a friend in her instead.You should certainly work together to both remain a part of your childrens lives and make their childhood a happy one. I would recommend trying to work out your divorce on your own as much as possible and keep the lawyers to a minimum. Preferably don't use them at all as they end up being the ones to get most everything that way. It will be hard when you still Love her to do that, but that is the best way. Life does go on after the heart is broken, and Love can be found again without losing the Love you still feel. good luck in life. I hope you and your family make the best of it.
2007-03-08 05:06:43 · answer #2 · answered by Malcolm L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont know what you both did when your child died. i do know that when that happens if the couple does not talk to some people who have had this happen as in the past when childhood death was not that uncommon a couple tends to not so much blame the other in a direct way but instead directs anger regarding the death toward the other. the anger is real is part of grief. grief is a process. and when its a young child the process does not change but instead may be one that takes longer.
couples fall out of love during a marriage one person as in your case falls out of love for a time . at least they think they have. then it comes back and things go well for some time then it may be the other person goes though the same thing.
that is how marriage often works. this is in part why we have vows . if marriage was as blissfull as young newly weds think it will be then no vows would be needed people would simple live in a constant state of great love that is boiliing over.
we know that love is in part passion and passion is heat.
so what your wife needs is not a cooling off time but instead a heating up time. get the pot to boil again . i suggest the first place you start is with a grief support group or worker.
the local priest or rabbi can either help directly or direct you to a place that can help. you may end up seeing both the group and the priest. who knows.
i suggest you go to the person you choose the priest the doctors for a referal or to a group you see in the paper of parents who have lost a child . then discuss with them some of what is going on in your marriage with them or one of them if that person or group seems like a good place as it seems to hit the sore spots then ask your wife to come too .
you both need to hit the sore spots in the grief again at least that may well be what is needed as often a wound will close but not heal . with the death of a child as in your case the wound will close but not heal completely ever well at least until you are again with the child in heaven. but for now in this life this sort of wound needs some care a bit of surgery from time to time sort of drain it so the wound does not become so infected that the limb wont work. as for the doctor who is the best at this his name is Dr. J.Christ. talk to him and the others and your wife and have this wound drained so you both can run the race finish the coarse together . god bless you .
2007-03-08 07:31:27 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly mate...let her go....if she still loves then time will tell, but if she hasnt there is no point hanging around...not even to try and make it work for the kids, its not fair on them to always see youfighting with each other, she cant stop you seeing your children so you dont have to worry about that side of things, but move on and give her space, if she loves you then you will know about it...but for now moving out will probably be the best thing for everyone involved, do it now and do it on good terms with her, tell her you still want to see the children and try and end it on good terms before things get too hairy.....good luck...sorry to here this
2007-03-08 05:11:54 · answer #4 · answered by deni 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well sounds to me like you two do not communicate very well..I am very sorry about the loss of your child ...maybe just maybe you both may need some counseling ...I hear that when a couple losses a child that sometimes there marriage suffers very much maybe you both need some help with that ..you may just want to mention that to her ...u take care
2007-03-08 05:11:02 · answer #5 · answered by blugeanie923 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her again... Heart to Heart... I dont think the loss of your son is the reason why she became cold. Find out the roots of the problem & try to work out on them. Show her you love her by proving it to her... take her out & court her like you used to do! Good luck!
2007-03-08 05:03:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u love her so much like u claim, how come u treat her the way you do. if u can possibly find a way to get her to fall back in love with you, start working. it wont be easy. otherwise, let her go.
2007-03-08 05:16:24 · answer #7 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get professional help, Otherwise settle the separation.
2007-03-08 07:58:37 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
the best thing for you to do is give her time and give her space...normaly this will allow her to think and realize that she truly does love you and be willing to work all your problems out...i wish you the best of luck
2007-03-08 05:03:25 · answer #9 · answered by chad s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Either go to counseling, and try to make it work the best way you can.
2007-03-08 04:59:27 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋