How do I tell my wife after being together for 18 years I no longer love her and I want to leave for a new life somewhere else? Any advice would be appreciated.
2007-03-07 20:31:34 · 39 answers · asked by Robin 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It is hard for me to understand how one can fall out of love after so many years.Are you sure it is not just a mid life crisis?Have you tried counselling?To just throw away 18 years is going to be heart wrenching for your wife.Is there another woman?Honestly, think of why you dont love her.Search your heart before making such a devistating move.If you do want to leave,then be honest and tell her why.
2007-03-09 01:39:31 · answer #1 · answered by annie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well everyone is entitled to a second chance in life and if that is how your heart feels, then you should tell her sooner rather than later. Walking out on her without an explanation is a cowards way of doing things and well do you think after 18 years she is entitled to more respect that you are honest with her. Although it might not be possible, but you could still be friends if your honest and may open more chance of finding what you have both lost, if you both want to.
Whether there is a third party involved or not, things happen for a reason and if there is, then there is a deeper problem in your marriage than you probably know. I was involved in a similar situation and the choice was to stay for the sake of the children, but are the parties involved any happier? No, its just ignoring the deeper problems in the marriage and life, so do what your heart tells you, but yes, really think about it because of the consequences and don't be blown away by replacing something old for something new ... as that period does fade when reality kicks in! Good Luck on whatever your decision!
2007-03-07 21:20:00 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Firstly be 100% sure because there will be no going back!
Then Im afraid the only thing you can do is be honest.
Wait for a time when there is just the 2 of you and say something like
"Ive got something I want to talk to you about and I know you,re going to probably hate me but Im really sorry.The thing is Ive tryed so hard lately but my feelings have changed.I still care about you so much but its not the same anymore"
This will then lead to her answering you and hopefully you can talk things through and then move on with the next stage of your lives.
It all depends on her personality though.You will have an idea of the reaction you will receive.
Such a shame after 18 years!!!
You 2 obviously have been close in that time and shared alot together.
This is going to be a difficult and painful process even on you!
I hope it all works out for you both.And if you are leaving her for someone else you need to be honest and tell her because she will find out and it be much worse coming from someone else!
2007-03-07 20:44:58 · answer #3 · answered by Lorraine D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you had asked for help with your communication years ago, you wouldn't be in that situation now. That's the most certain way to lose love - stop communicating and you get alienated. And then without realising it the moment has come when you don't have anything to say and love seems to be gone forever. As a Christian I do not believe divorce is a way out. And although I have not experienced it, I have read a lot of examples of restored love to marriages that seemed hopeless. I don't know if you would be interested to read a couple of those, probably not. So my advice is: be honest. Sit down with her and talk. Don't ever lose control, no matter what she says or does. Listen to what she has to say, she is probably aware of what is going on between the two of you. And give your marriage another chance - don't offer divorce, think about something reversible like temporary separation or even living together but having more individual freedom. Who knows, after you talk to her, you might discover things are not as bad as they look and there is still a chance for both of you to restore a loving relationship.
2007-03-07 20:59:55 · answer #4 · answered by petyado 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Women need reasoning, understanding. To simple tell someone you no longer love them is inadequate! Its not enough information!
First of all you need to sit down and talk about how ur life is and now and what you want for the future! You need to explain why after 18 years you suddenly feel that you dont love her anymore! You have to explain that to yourself and your wife in the best terms possible so that she may understand after all these years your suddenly walking! I would imagine this conversation to take a few days! You cannot simple just say 'I dont love you and walk out' She deserves more than that!
So be prepared with 'Your explanation, Your understanding, why you feel like you do, How you came to this conculsion and how long u have felt that way' I suggest you tell her that you have felt like this for sometime but have put it aside because of your history together and you wanted to make sure before you made any decisions that you was making it the right choice and you 'know exactly what you want'. Although it may break her heart, its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved atall.
We all grow older and sometimes apart! I suspect she already knows how ur feeling and is waiting for u to say something. good luck
2007-03-07 20:50:10 · answer #5 · answered by Lady Love 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
You will have to talk to her some where private and comfortable. You never know she may now feel the same way.
You have to be there for her, she will be confused hurt and lonely, She will probably call you many many times over the next year or so seeking answers. Do not reject her, talk to her and be therefore her. You owe her that, dont you? But after awhile if you feel it is becoming too much tell her gently that you are trying to move on.
Are you sure you are not just bored? If you have children, you need to have a plan that will include them as well. If you dont have children, you still may need to pay her maintence. So make sure you are prepared for the wrath of a woman scorned.
2007-03-07 20:49:50 · answer #6 · answered by natasha * 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
This will be very difficult for both of you but the first thing you have to realize is that both of you are better off in the long run. I think you should first let her know that you want to talk to her about something serious. Perhaps tell her that you would like to talk to her after work...Let her know that you are concerned about the issue and that it is something you have given a lot of thought to.
Once you get her one on one, open the conversation by telling her where you are at in your life. Then slowly tell her that you feel you would be happier if you got a divorce. Let her know that you think this is better for you and HER! Explain to her why you feel the way you do and how much thought you have given the situation. Show her why it is better for her and why she should understand.
2007-03-07 20:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by cutebunnyusagi 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I don't understand why many people get married in the first place tbh. For some people it really works.... or they make it work... and its right for them.
For others its you take your vows.... bigging it up to the world... hey.. we're adults now... look at my lovely girlfriend, got a job, got a car, house, and now getting married... yes world... I'm a real man.
Only to realize that people change and you grow up, and then want to throw away the promises and vows you took as a younger man.
So go on then, just tell her you wanna leave her cause thats what you wanna do.
Marriage - its a croc of ****. I think I'm one of only very few people on this earth who keeps my promises and commitments.
2007-03-07 20:41:40 · answer #8 · answered by Narky 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If you really want this other life, there is nothing else to do but tell her truthfully.Nothing you can do or say will stop her from hurting.There is no easy way out here, after 18 years together you owe it to her to be truthful.
2007-03-07 20:35:32 · answer #9 · answered by mother hen 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
That is one of the sadest things to say to anyone, especially someone you've live with for so long. What happened to all the nice moments you had together? Try to remember the wonderful moments and the thing that made you fall in love with her, it may just re kindle your love - after all she is still the same person.
2007-03-07 21:00:15 · answer #10 · answered by Olga 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋