Has anyone ever taken back an ex who treated them badly, and it actually worked the second time round?

Question

A friend of mine has recently got back with an ex and I'm worried sick for her. He promises he's spent the last year in counselling and he swears he has changed, and will do whatever it takes to be with her again. But when they were together before this guy was abusive, controlling and scary. Could he really have changed?

Answer 1

No!

Answer 2

I think that people do change but never have a full personality transplant.Its still that same person and alot of how they were is just who they are and that will never change.
I am someone who can be treated badly and as soon as that person turns round and says they are sorry and have changed I forgive them only to be hurt all over again.

Its possible things didnt work out the first time and that they can work at it a second time and stay 2getha but only time will tell.

Just be there for your friend.Dont criticise her choice.Life is all about learning and some lessons are hard!But you have to do it 4 yourself.

At least shes got you if things go pear shaped!Be happy for her when she is happy and pick her up when things are bad.
That is a true friend!

Answer 3

If all he is getting is counseling and not medication, he will continue to be abusive, controlling and scary. He'll hide it better for awhile.

Usually when you take an ex like that back, it's only because they want another shot at revenge up close. Your friend needs separation counseling to teach her not to be attracted to those types, not couples counseling.

Answer 4

This is a very good question. I took back an ex and it did not work the second time around. I've come to learn that noboby is so bad that they cannot change.. Ireally hope for your friend's sake that this guy really changed..its not impossible but its highly unlikely that they sometimes do

Answer 5

Yes i did take my ex back , but after about an year we broke up for the same reasons .
Anyways I believe that people should be given a second chance ....after that none :)

Answer 6

Load of crap, once an abuser always an abuser. Maybe your friend needs to seek help to see why she is attracted to somebody like this. She has a BIG problem with low self esteem

Answer 7

my advice would be swallow hard , keep talking to her , dont make her understand your perspective (that you dont like this guy) wait untill he is abusive again , and then get her out , she will have rose coloured bglasses , and there will be nothing you can do to help her avaoid failure and abuse again.
if she does listen to you and talk about the situation - give your opinion and tell her , think back - think back hard , remember how it was really , and dont go there ... gauaranteed heartache waiting to happen (a leaopard never changes it's spots)

Answer 8

Change is possible, but to be very honest with you I think it is rare. People who are truly "abusive, controlling, and scary" have serious problems that prevent them from having healthy relationships. I believe that people who are this way really feel as though they love the person they are with, however in my humble opinion, this is not LOVE. To me, loving someone means you would rather see them happy than to be happy yourself. If you love someone, you don't abuse them, you care for them. If you love someone, you don't control them, you accept them for who they are and realize that you should only control yourself. If you love someone, you should not scare them, you should be the one who helps them feel safe.

Answer 9

It def wont work. I've been there. Wen I went back it got a lot worse she shouldnt go back its not worth it she needs to move on people dont change

Answer 10

i think your friend needs to get a life, there is no way on earth that her ex is going to change there are much better guys out there.

Answer 11

I would never take back an ex that treated me badly.....