I left my ex many years ago; he was unfaithful during the relationship, that lasted seven years. I still love him, tried so hard to forget him, went off and married and had children - but he is 'the one'. I'm not getting over him, I don't want to. He married and had children too. We meet, every year, and have a few days together, where the passion and intensity are still there. I can't bear it when it's over, at first felt suicidal - and then realised that I needed to just take care of myself afterwards and slowly get back to normal life. I miss him so much...but I couldn't take being with him, he was going with other women so much. I feel like I have changed from the role of wife to mistress. It hasn't got better, except that I have still some pride. I didn't want to leave him, but one day sat down and said to myself, do it for pride, if nothing else. I always wanted his child, nothing came of it though. Anyone else in the same situation? I've never met anyone who is.
2007-03-07 20:00:53 · 14 answers · asked by Solace 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I did leave my husband because of this - and in any case he only married me because he wanted a visa, even though we had children together. On the morning of our marriage I asked him if he still wanted to marry me even if I was in love with someone else, and he said yes. So I was as honest as I could be. He got his visa and we separated. The children do indeed come first, for me. This relationship is something emotional, the place where my real feelings lie.
2007-03-07 20:15:21 · update #1
How do you let go and move on when you love someone and the spark is very much still there? I do not feel used, though sad that he couldn't be wih just me, that he seemed to be addicted to other women. I feel that he loved me and still does, but I was not prepared to be with someone unfaithful.
2007-03-07 20:17:20 · update #2
When you were together he was unfaithful with other women and you could not stand it. Now he is married and you are one of the other women.
Interesting how such dual standards develop.
2007-03-07 20:19:30 · answer #1 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was playing around then & still is now. Is your self esteem so low that you only desire a man who uses you? If you loved yourself there would be no interest in such a deceitful, lying & disrespectful person. You have no pride anymore & that is obvious to us all. You are also playing around behind your man's back which has the potential to destroy your own family. Think about what your priorities are & stop indulging in your little fantasies at the expense of yourself, your husband & your children.
2007-03-07 20:14:44 · answer #2 · answered by Mishell 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't 'The One' or he wouldn't have been cheating. Your Love is one-sided, and not good for you or anyone in your life. You married again while still feeling this way and that isn't right either. It is unfair to your new husband and whatever your reasons for marrying him they were wrong. You need to make your life right for yourself and those around you. Your children have to come first till they are old enough to be on their own. You have to be honest with your curent husband. You need to let him know and be mindful of his ffeelings. Break the news carefully. You should not make Love to your ex till you are separated at least from your curent husband. After that your life is your own to decide.
2007-03-07 20:10:06 · answer #3 · answered by Malcolm L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It makes me angry when people are harsh and critical, going on about Aids and crotches and being obnoxious, when someone has opened up like this and talked about something so sensitive and personal, secret. Get lost, you idiots.
To the person who wrote this, I see a conflict between love and self esteem. This relationship is a problem for you because it does damage your self esteem. Be aware of that, and take care, but love of course is very strong, they say it is stronger than anything.
2007-03-07 20:53:46 · answer #4 · answered by Lorelei 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Have you thought of the consequences about after having sex with him and are you both married? If both of you are, then you'd better think of your families and this selfish act of yours ain't working for the families. You might consider meeting new people and the thought of meeting him every year is just not realistic enough for a strong relationship. Yours is like a "one night stand" kind of thing and I don't know if you know what I mean.
2007-03-07 20:10:20 · answer #5 · answered by happy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i kind of went through something similar but not nearly to the degree you did. i was only with the guy for one year and he cheated. he did awful things while i was with him, he never physically hurt me, but mentally he really did a number on me and did some awful things like steal money from me and my sister, ect. i found out he was cheating one night, and the next day he called me and was like, hey baby, as if i had no idea, and i said i dont want anything to do with you. even though i still WANTED to be with him soooo bad, i just kept telling myself stay strong, dont go back to someone who i wasnt enough for, to keep happy. and it hurt for a couple of YEARS even though we werent together that long. and i always thought "i know we're going to end up back together in the future" but now im engaged to a great guy who really cares for me, and i hadnt talked to my ex in 4 years, then a month ago he calls me, after 4 years!!!!! and there WAS temptation. he wanted me to come over, but i had to be strong. i realise that i will only be hurting myself if i give in and that ive done without him for this long, and that i have someone who loves me more then he ever will, so why mess that up? especially for someone who will never change?
2007-03-07 20:17:05 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without the married part, yes.. But he does have a gf that's pregnant now so it was really ****** up, the last time we "met" I changed from gf to mistress.
2007-03-07 20:07:44 · answer #7 · answered by Celeste 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the only good thing you have going for you are your children. otherwise, ur life sounds pretty pathetic. you need to respect yourself, love yourself. u sound like u have no self esteem. bottom line is, this guy is selfish. i think you have romanticized the whole thing. he is a jerk, a cheat. and u want to have his child? also think, what kind of example are u setting for your children?
2007-03-07 20:36:46 · answer #8 · answered by braille 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, every year... You guys need to let go and move on with your lives...
2007-03-07 20:15:03 · answer #9 · answered by Jasmina 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know that you have created a mess for yourself and it is up to you to solve it because you do not deserve to be answered(sorry about my words)
2007-03-07 20:09:35 · answer #10 · answered by maki" The time begins Now 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋