How do I tell my sister she's too young for sex?

Question

My little sister is 13 years old and has come to me asking what she should do. Her boyfriend has been trying to talk her into having sex. I know she likes him (she says she loves him) but I also know what having sex too soon can do to you mentally. She's using what I did in the past as an example to follow and she doesn't understand it was a mistake. She can't talk to my mom about it, and I know that whatever I say to her, she'll do what she wants. She's a beautiful, headstrong, brilliant young woman and I don't want to see her hurt or diminished the way I was. How do I get her to at least THINK about what I'll say to her? I'm going to talk with her tomorrow night and I want to get this right. I know that if she's old enough to think about it, she needs to hear all the facts about condoms, STD's, pregnancy and how she changes in her own mind, but how do I teach her to tell the difference between sincere compliments and flattery used to get into her pants? How do I help her?

Answer 1

Pregnancy, STDs, and all that are NOT a good reason not to have sex. They're only a good reason not to have CARELESS sex.

One set of reasons to have sex or not to have sex are sexual pleasure. Girls in that age range rarely enjoy sex all that much. Anyhow, be honest with her as best you can about what to expect in the area of pleasure, whether or not that support your "don't do it" belief.

Rather, the best reasons not to have sex are the kinds of relationships involved. A female who has sex desires a kind of maturity and commitment from her man that NO young male is likely to deliver. Try to have her explain what kinds of feelings she thinks she'll have after sex, and talk with her about where things are likely to go from there.

Also talk with her about the consequences of NOT having sex. What's the rush? That her boyfriend will leave her and she'll never find another guy as good? That's about the one thing you may be able to pooh-pooh pretty hard and convince her about.

Another tack that MIGHT work -- no way we can judge from here -- is asking her what she thinks people would think if they knew. Then, when you've talked through the negative views, ask her if those views are ALL incorrect. With luck, she'll admit that while some are nonsense, others carry more of a good point.

Good luck! She IS way too young.

Answer 2

Sit her down right away and set her straight!!!
Explain to her that you feel very strongly about it. Tell her how much you regret doing it so young!
She needs to understand that at 13 she's still a BABY! And that it's completely possible for her to get pregnant and have a baby at that age....ruining her entire life in the process. She should enjoy the innocence of being so young without worrying about things like STD's, AIDS, and PREGNANCY!
(I had sex for the first time at 19, and I still wasn't mentally ready for all the emotional trauma it caused me.)
Explain to her how much better it will be if she waits until she's older. Besides, she needs to KNOW that this guy is going to run around the school and TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT! Is she ready to handle that?
If she she says she's going through with it anyway, report her to your parents right away. She may not like you for it, but your parents need to be able to keep a better eye on her if she's going to pull crap like this!

Answer 3

Since she came to you she is probably looking for an "it's ok" Dont give it too her. Tell her you made a mistake by having sex as early as you did, and try to explain the reasons why it is safer, and smarter to wait.

If that doesnt seem to work to well you could always resort to a good playful, but firm wack in the back of head of her boyfriend :)

Answer 4

Hi well you just be straight up with her ...tell her you are telling her all this cause you care very much about her and just be very straight ..ask her to please take every thing you are saying to her that you just want her to be wise about the choice's she makes cause she is a very pretty and there is so many different things she can get HIV IS ONE AND ALL IT TAKES IS ONE TIME AND IF SHE IS NOT WISE SHE WILL GET IT AND THAT IS NO JOKE ...the cutest guy in this world my be infected so its very wise tell her that she must use protection at all times if she even thinks of sex ........take care

Answer 5

your sis is jus 13yrs old....i live in india...here v r brought with teachings dat physical intimacy is a taboo until u get married.now it hardly matters where u liv coz the values r more or less same.i too hav a younger sis of the same age.her friends hav bf's.but 2 weeks b4 i spoke to her n jus told her dat all this is not wrong but its jus dat the age is wrong.actually u can jus talk to her casually as u talk to ur friends....she is a grown up gal n she wil surely understand.hope this wud help u.tc.bye n all the best.

Answer 6

tell her that it is unsafe (does she have her menstral cycle yet?if soo then be very worried!!! it would be tragic for her to get pregnant) tell her to save her cherry for the one she marrys! doesnt she want to have sex with the one true love that makes her happy and when she is definetley ready!

Answer 7

Give me her boyfriends name and address, and I'll have a nice little "talk" with the little ****.

Answer 8

i cant respond responsibly
i was 13 when i did it for the first time
and it was 50 years ago
and it was great ,she made me coffee after

Answer 9

You have to tell your mum.It is not legal to have sex at this young age for a reason.

Answer 10

talk straight to her
u doing good