should i be upset at with a girl i built up a relashionship with over the internet for two years whos from?

Question

canada is not standing by me??............she told me she wouldnt turn her back on me, shes 20. ive had alot of fall outs with her over the last couple of months that i accept have been started by me. ive formed an attachment to her, and we used to tell each other that we loved each other and was even planning to build a future with her, she was going to come to the uk next year, to be with me and study here. over the last couple of months i regret to say my neediness, possessiveness and dependancy on her has shown through..in ways that, i would ask her is she being faithful..questioning her about putting other guys pictures on myspace..she would say she was hugged by her guy friends on myspace bulletins..this is all the reason why i got so upset with her. i would sulk and go offline..ive just recently told her ive been diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and that await therapy and that im sorry for my behaviour. she just recently told me, she needs to think about our

relashionship and that it was nothing against me. shed had a friend that stole from her, and that its made her review everything in her life...i got really upset and felt like dying, i stormed offline..then after about an hour i felt guilty about what id done and went back online, but she didnt speak to me at all, and hasnt done for 3 days, this has really devastated me...this morning i erased her from msn and deleted her off myspace...i dont no what to do can anyone help? my lifes upside down right now, plus im waiting to be assessed for therapy..my cpn said he didnt no how long that would take..i have many insecurities and worries and unanswered questions about my life and the way forward, and this girl has really stuck the knife in..

Answer 1

You only know this person by word (if i may put it that way). I don't think you need to be annoyed with her. Dating online can be very deceiving because you do not know if the information this person is passing on to you is entirely correct and for this matter have no sources to clarify them.

Before you go all ballistic, try and establish if she is seeing someone else currently. Maybe she has changed her mind about the online dating becuse she may have me a "real person" - Truth be told.

Answer 2

You seem to be feeling badly let down. Genuine grief that comes from the loss of what had seemed such a promising relationship. All I can suggest now is that it is OK to feel sorrow just now, and fully "normal" and not a sign of a so-called "disorder". Most people find it hard to let go when they are rejected and broken off from. And that I hope you can trust yourself to move on with your life in your own way, at your own pace, and in your own time.

You are empowering yourself by seeing your behaviours as showing neediness, possessiveness, dependency and attachment. But of course being aware of these counterproductive habits is only the first step, changing them, experimenting with new ways of being with people is what can bring new life. How would you really prefer to be with someone you care for and care about? What good qualities might you bring into a relationship that build happiness and sustain harmony?

Answer 3

You have become obsessive and compulsive about something that is not real........it cannot be truly real but the nature of the relationship. On line you are only able to believe what you are told and the visual of body lanuage is notthere to help the interpretation. I feel that maybe you have built in your mind this person into something they are not. Thing is you can never own another person......you have to allow them to be.....in any situation. But the unreality is the bit that worries me. What you are suffering now is seperation anxiety....this will pass. If the girl does not wish to speak you are helpless to change the situation. Misunderstandings are easy in this medium ........but honestly I do think when you get some input and help with this you will start to see more clearly. Mentally you are torturing yourself....you admit you are needy.....what need did she fulfill...identify it and then try and find something real to substitute it with.....treat yourself to something....do something you enjoy. Make litle steps with it and gradually it will cease to matter and you will wonder why you were worried. It is good that you recognise the failings in yourself....by doing this....you can then try and change .....you are an important person but sounds like self esteem is low.......think of positives.....there will be many if you think. You are better than the place you have put yourself in.
Hope not all garbled here....I know what I am rtrying to say.....
good luck.