I don't feel any bond to my husband?

Question

I have spoken to you guys about this before. I was married July last year, since then my husband has been home for 2mths 10days, the rest of the time in jail for verbal and physical abuse. He goes to court on Monday and looks like we have managed to get him into 12mths rehab, he has dual addiction and schizophrenia, trouble is how do I keep standing by him, picking up the peices and trying to keep a marriage together that does not exist, paper only. I am hurting, but strong, and I know my husband loves me very much, but I just have not had a 'normal' marriage. What do I do, take a back seat and hope he is ok, or just get on with life and if I meet someone else, then what

Answer 1

Judles, Be a brave woman, marriage is not about being tortured beyond limits. it is not about living in the shadow of being hurt every single day and it is also not about living with someone abnormal.
First as per the description given by you proves that your husband might actually also not be contributing financially to the family.
Second " do you have kids" because once you have kids it becomes really nasty and hard to move out of a relationship.
Third " do you have any hopes that the consitions are going to improve by any chance" if no you always have the answer ready with yourself.

Keeping in mind the financial and emotional implications please move out of this hell as soon as possible.
and please update all of us about the decision you made as we also share your concern now.
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Answer 2

It is good that you take your marriage so seriously but it appears that your husband does not or cannot.
I usually believe that married couples should try to work out their differences to make the relationship better but your case is different. You are in clear danger, not just emotionally but physically as well and you need to address that issue first and foremost.
You understand already that getting married to a man with the problems which yours has was a mistake. An even bigger mistake is to stay in the marriage until it is too late to get out in one piece. Most people question their marriage for trivial reasons but you are trying to stay true to something which never really existed. My opinion is that you should get out to a place of safety, end the marriage and either find someone else or wait to see developments in your ex husbands treatment. You do not want to be the test subject for this process because if it all fails it will be you that gets beaten.

Answer 3

If he's verbally and physically abusive, you straying outside the marriage will almost assuredly provoke a response in kind. Why not just get him off your Christmas list and move on before you are tempted to cheat and incur his anger and abuse again? I'd say, if you don't love him and are contemplating divorce, talk to a family counselor and/or an attorney as necessary, but if you think you have any love for him and he comes out of rehab okay and the two of you are able and willing to start over, fine. But I would not recommend remaining in an abusive marriage with no hope of happiness. It is yours alone to decide either way.

Answer 4

I couldn't even begin to give you advice without knowing why you married this guy to begin with. There had to have been a reason for you to do so, to make it worth it. I can't even start to imagine what reason could anyone have to enter such a dysfunctional relationship. I would say - evaluate the reasons why you're together with this person. Does it seem worth it to you still? Sounds like you're ruining your life, to me. Yes, your husband might be a sick man, and in need of medical help - but you are not a doctor, a nurse or a phsychiatrist. If I were you I would ask myself if I want to spend the rest of my life this way. If the answer is "no" - then leave and don't look back. Why prolong the agony? The older you get, the harder it will be for you to meet someone else. If you don't want this kind of life, but don't have the balls to leave - you're setting yourself up for lots of unhappiness and disappointment.

Answer 5

Well if you are able to stay with him and tolerate what is going on, then stay as husband and wife. You see both of you need to make the marriage work or else it would be gone for good. So it is up to you to decide if you want to stay or go.

Answer 6

Please don't stay in a relationship that is so violent. You might be attached to him because of the violence and verbal abuse is your need to feel loved and controlled. You cannot expect to "stand by him", that is just a fantasy and close to delusional thinking.

He may end up taking your life if you don't get away from him.

Answer 7

you = good woman

With so many women giving up on their marriges for such simple and stupid things here's someone that took the vows serious and sticks by her man.

The question is are you sticking and working so hard because you feel you cannot get any better, or was my first comment right.

Sounds like you picked a real messed up person though good luck with that.

Answer 8

sounds like you neve had a marriage to start with, so how do you exspect to hold on to something you never had in the first place.i have been married for 36 years , so trust me there is some one out there that will show you what being married is all about. sounds to me you have been through enough.. GOOD LUCK GIRL.. Alta

Answer 9

you already know what you are willing to put up with .no one will fault you for leaving but if you choose to stay they most certainly will say some bad things . the only advice i can give is make sure you are happy with your decision and then you will be able to stand with it with your head up. i'm so sorry you have to go through this- best wishes

Answer 10

Get out now. Do not stay with someone who is verbally and physically violent. It will only escalate. You deserve to be with someone who loves and respects you.