My friend has been married to her husband for two years, no kid. I guess they really weren't in love, that she should cheat on him already. Anyways, she met this guy, always talked to me about him (I was beginning to become suspicious of her--always talking about this new guy), and she really thinks she's in love. So, let's just put it that she really is in love with him. She slept with him, and now she's pregnant. She can't really claim its her husband's baby, cuz he's been working in another country for a year now. "Abortion is out of the question" she says, and is now thinking about staying with me (I live alone in the country side) give birth to the baby and give it up for adoption. My friend is one of those people who is obssessed w/ what society thinks of her--all her friends are Christians, and she's been raised with the kinda concept: "Adultary is sin, go to hell" Well, maybe I emphasized it a bit too much.
2007-03-07 18:40:02 · 8 answers · asked by June H 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Anyways, she doesn't want anyone else to know. Her parents don't know. Her husband doesn't know. The guy she slept with doesn't know. Only me, or so she tells me. What should I do? I wouldn't mind her staying at my place--in does get a bit boring there. And though she's public-obssessed, she's a really sweet girl. And I think that giving the child up for adoption might kinda....depress her later on (Am I wrong about this?). Should she do this? Or what would you suggest she do? Or, if she does give the baby up, do you think this might sc.rew her up....psycologically? I'm so worried
2007-03-07 18:40:19 · update #1
She may not want anyone to know, but soon enough everyone will know, as soon as she starts showing it's kind of hard not to know.
She's going to have to fess up to her husband first of all. Secondly she needs to tell the babies father, it wouldn't be fair for him to not know about his son or daughter. Then she can decide what to do from there.
Being that she is a Christian I would also advise her to talk to her Pastor, or if she isn't a member of a local church, then she should find a pastor/minister to talk to about this and start going to church, mainly because churches are great support groups for these types of things. She should stay away from those churches that continually condemn, she already knows she screwed up royally. Right now she simply needs support and guidance, and then after the child is born, she needs to deal with the root cause of what caused the adultry in the first place.
It's not going to be an easy road for your friend, no matter which route she takes. Though I commend her for choosing to let the baby live rather than abort it. If she aborts the baby there is a great possibility that she would suffer emotional and psychological trauma from doing so, so I am very glad that she has decided to keep the baby. Adoption is an option, but if she has the means to care for the child, and provide it with a loving home, she may wish to keep it. Her husband may forgive her for her unfaithfulness and be the childs father. If so, giving it up for adoption may cause her some regret, but nowhere near the regret she would have if she aborted the baby.
So again my advice is for her to be honest with everyone, find a church home and a good pastor to get counseling from, and then decide about the baby after much thought and prayer has gone into the decision.
2007-03-07 18:53:34 · answer #1 · answered by AirborneSaint 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When is the husband coming home?
Her husband has been gone a year? Why didn't she go with him? What kind of marriage is that?
I'm glad she isn't killing the baby, and considering adoption.
I don't think, if it was me, that I could return to my husband. I think I would divorce him. I would figure that my actions meant I didn't want to be in this marriage (such as it is).
I think she has to tell the father of the baby. It is only fair to him. Besides, doesn't he have to give up his rights? So I don't see any way around that.
I suppose she could see if he was interested in getting married, but I wouldn't think that would work out--he might not be interested, or they may be incompatible once she stops being "in love" with him and looks at him realistically.
At any event, she should divorce her husband.
2007-03-07 19:32:56 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, where to start with this?? It seems to me she's being sinfully selfish about this. She made a life-long commitment to one man, and then strayed. In my eyes the fact that she got pregnant in this day and age is reprehensible, every corner store has contraceptive devices. ....spilled milk now I guess....
She's now been blessed by a baby. No matter how the conception came about the child she is carrying is a blessing. A living entity with it's own spirit and soon to have it's own thoughts, emotions, ideas, and potentials. That child is something that is going to last forever. How she handles this will be like a stone in a pond, ripple through the generations. Does she really want a child of hers to find out that he/she was adopted because it's mother was more concerned about her place in society than the little soul she brought to this earth?
As a friend, a human being, I would not enable her to do the wrong thing. Letting her hide at your house to cover up her huge lack of good judgment is the wrong thing to do. Would you help someone hurt a child? I would encourage her to seek counseling, there are all sorts of confidential programs out there. I know there are on line support groups available.
I wish you the best of luck, no matter what you decide this is a tough path to go down.
2007-03-07 19:03:29 · answer #3 · answered by Khael 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It seems to me that your friend is unable to take responsibility for her own actions! And now she wants to come live with you and pawn off the baby! She spread her legs for another man when her husband was away for a man she says she loves. please spare me the pity oh poor me bull! Obssessed with what society thinks, christian I think not! If that was really the case she would not have gotten herself into this mess in the first place. She needs to fess up to all parties concerned. If she truely loves the father of the baby and he loves her, she needs to divorce her husband marry him , have the baby and start living like a responsible adult. Something tells me though that this girl is a selfish brat who has a lot of growning up to do. She needs to stop putting her mistakes on others, such as wanting to move in with you. This is her problem and she needs to deal with it ! I wonder why she allowed herself to get pregnant in the first place? Tell her do and deal, grow up!
2007-03-07 19:31:28 · answer #4 · answered by tonal9nagual 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should tell the people who she doesn't want to find out. Tell tell them and let them tell her how much of a cheating whore she is and that she is going to go to hell. I don't even believe in hell, but i think cheaters should go there and deserve to be mocked and though of in a bad way bad way by society. Perhaps that will give her a good reason to chage her ways, becuase being a good person obvisouly a concern for her.
2007-03-07 19:03:06 · answer #5 · answered by n0tsan3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants to live in peace and at ease, she had better reveal it to all those imvolved. It may be hard doing so but i guess its for the better.
One way or another, these people will find out-friends, husband and family, and the silence may haunt her one day. Better come clean and clear her conscience.
2007-03-07 19:05:25 · answer #6 · answered by divagal 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
what if the husband comes suddenly and sees her pregnent
what if her mother asks for her
in 9 months many things might happen, so she must think before she acts in a cloumsy way
2007-03-07 18:51:17 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that she'll be okay, all though she might have a bit of guilt. If she cares that much about what people think about her than likely she should not have anyone know.
2007-03-07 18:46:04 · answer #8 · answered by Tialiarhetta 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋