Why do many people believe that one can ONLY be born gay, & that NO ONE chooses to be gay????

Question

I seriously don't get it. Can you all please inform me as to why this is?

It seems logical to me that since some gay men for example will choose to live a straight lifestyle, that why can't it be possible for a straight person to live a gay lifestyle?

I've met many straight people who became sexually confused, then became bicurious, even had relationships with same sex people & called themselves gay or bi. But then go back to being straight & knowing thats what they are. For that time they called themselves gay, everyone who hears that will assume they're truly gay or at least bisexual. This is an example of someone straight choosing to live the gay lifestyle. I know some straight women for example who feel compelled to stay in lesbian relationships because of a learned fear of men. Thats another example.

So why is it when one brings up that some people choose to be gay, people think your stupid for saying so?

Lets have some ongoing debates here to reach the truth.

Dr Dee - & that makes absolutely no sense to what I asked.

CHHine - It's a fact that some people are actually born Gay. My point is that some people also choose to live that gay lifestyle, but many people seem to think thats wrong even though people do that all the time.

Confused - What you say is completely based on your belief, & not facts of any kind. It's like saying a smart person won't think he's dumb because he's simeply smart. Some smart people think their dumb for a time in life because of people they trust who tell them they're stupid most of their lives.

Same thing with some straight guys who may think their gay or bisexual at one time in there life.

huffyb - Yeah thats one part of the truth, but not the entire truth on sexuality.

brownbackmountain - I fancy your moms bum, & she likes it rough.

SouthCali4LifeSD - The problem is that many people only see it as, your born Gay, and thats it. And other people believe, you choose to be gay, and thats it. They don't realize that both answers are right, sincesome people are born Gay, and some straight people either choose or get confused into it.

BuckFush - You made a mistake in your arguement. I never said or implied that all gay people choose to be gay. I said that some straight people choose to live the gay lifestyle, hence, choose to be Gay. Clearly many gay people are born Gay. My point is that both answers are right because some people are born Gay, and some people choose to live the gay lifestyle.

curls - Your logic is completely flawed. First you admit that some gay men choose to live a straight lifestyle (which many sleep with their wives). Then in the very next sentence you say no straight person will sleep with the same sex unless they were Gay or bi. If thats true about the straight person, then you have to say that no gay person would sleep with the opposite sex unless they were straight or bisexual. Thats clearly ridiculous.

you mentioned, " Someone who says they are bi-curious is obviously attracted to someone of the same sex, meaning they are bi-sexual."

& so what about those striaght people who are bicurious, try out the sex, don't like it, naturaly get turned off, & never go back to the same sex for the rest of there lives because they really don't like it. Are they bisexual because of that one experience they didn't like? Clearly thats absurd. Your bisexual if you like it and/or continue it throughout your life.

curls - You asked, "why would they choose a life of persecution and prejudice."

For one, how about a straight woman who had terrible & very traumatic experiences with men, possibly raped, etc, who one day decides to get her effection from women because of her new fear of men? She chooses a life of persecution and prejudice for the deep effection she desires from a human being she feels she can trust. A safe woman she's close with may be her only option. People choose to do many things at the cost of prejudice & persecution. & there's plenty of women out there just like this.

tessa - Your said, "whenever anyone says 'some people choose to be gay'
folks think you are bigoted. i think that is because for so many years it was said with hate, ridicule and a bit of fear.
at the moment you can not say anything about any of it lest you be called homophobic, which is absolutely ridiculous. "

And you said, "i believe many are born the way they are, and it can not be helped................however, i fully believe one can choose to be gay/lesbian/homosexual whatever the lastest word is for it. look at ann heche for starters. one minute she is one way, the next the other!"

Exactly!

Mommy - You said, "Some people HAVE to be born gay... when a 3-yr-old boy starts dressing up in his mother's things and uses her make-up and never grows out of being that feminine he must have been born with it. When a little girl cries because she wants to be a boy and marry a princess she had to be born with it."

Exactly. I even have some things to say about gender, but thats another topic.

You also said, "I don't think that most people would CHOSE to go through what homosexuals go through... all of the descrimination..."

What about straight girls in all girl schools who are bicurious & feel no threat in trying it out & then feeling fully straight after their fun? There's more discrimination for boys than girls on sexuality. & what about "Emo" boys? When around enough of their own, many will feel safe to experienment with each other, & some will not like it feel they are fully straight afterwards. So I think there are a lot of people who choose it for a time at least.

Jonah - "You can choose how you want to live your life, but you can never change what you were born to be."

Well said. My point exactly.

Tanya B - "People generally don't say that "some people chose to be gay." They usually say all people chose to be gay then proceed to say how we're all sinners and will rot in hell. That is why people react the way they do. For example, the first person who answered this question."

This is what bothers me the most. Great answer Tanya.

gregory_san_diego - "This whole "argument" is just more crap against gays from people who don't understand, and have prejudice towards us."

That was said out of hate & fustration, you didn't even try to understand the question. You probably are natually born Gay, & I totally agree that many people ARE born gay. My point is that SOME people choose to live the gay lifestyle. Not real Gays like you.

GreenKnight884 - "Sexual orientation is an innate attraction. And I think that, between inner feelings and outward behaviors, our inner feelings are closer to who we really are."

Thats true. But that doesn't change the fact that many poeple don't even really know who they truly are. And it doesn't change the fact that many people DO know who they are, but are too weak to BE who they are. & this is ignored when people say, 'no one chooses to be gay'.

"I don't really agree that a person's orientation should be classified by the lifestyle they lead. "

Exactly. This is why I don't like it when someone calls another person gay just because they seem effeminate, etc. It's also why I don't trust poeple who say what their sexual orientation is because they themselves might not even know. But I DO think labels are important, otherwise we should just throw away the entire English language since it's all labels to identify an idea to understand each other more easily.

GreenKnight884 - "
I don't think straight people can get confused into being gay. My roommate said that he experimented with guys before, but he couldn't get into it. He's completely straight."

Before he realized he was completely striaght, he experimented, meaning he was sexually confused & bicurious at that time. So, even though he is naturally born straight, there was a time in his life where he wasn't sure. At that time, he choose to be involved with the bisexual lifestyle.

It doesn't matter if a guy is confused for a week, month or year. At that time, they chose to live the Gay or Bi lifestyle, which proves my point.

" I wouldn't say that these people temporarily "chose" to be gay. They were always straight or bi, and did some experimenting to make sure."

A straight person who choses to get involved with sexually gay activity & then chooses to live in that lifestyle for a reasonable amount of time "chose" to be Gay for that time. Thats what that means.

curls - "what reason would a person who is straight have to choose to live a gay lifestyle? "

You obviously didn't read the second part of my answer to you.

"It isn't actions that make a person a gay, straight or bisexual, it is what they are truly attracted to."

Exactly. & this is where most people get confused about this topic. I never said the actions make you Gay genetically. Living a gay lifestyle doesn't make you genetically Gay. You are simply living the Gay lifestyle. Your choosing to 'ACT' gay, or "BE" Gay in the "acting" sense. But it doesn't mean your genetics have magically changed into gayness.

So when I say some straight people choose to live the Gay lifestyle, I mean they are choosing to live the Gay lifestyle. Not, 'they've changes their straight genes to gay genes.'

When I say some people choose to BE gay, I mean it in the same way as someone choosing to be a singer, but isn't a real singer. But they're living the lifestyle as a singer regardless.

Kuve - You said, "Very few people qualify the statement with "some", the normal attitude is that you cannot be born gay, that it is in every case without exception a choice. When you have been hearing that day in and day for decades, there is a tendency to miss what the speaker actually said. There is also the problem that many people have an attitude that you have to be one or the other, so the idea of jumping the fence for while and then jumping back is antithetical to their worldview. I have known several people such as you've described, male and female, they are a lot more common than most people suspect."

Everything is absolutely true. My point exactly. Great answer!

jasgallo - You said, "Acting hetero means that an individual is actually in the closet."

Exactly. & striaght people acting Gay means that an individual is actually in the closet as well. But they are still living the Gay lifestyle. Some even call themselves Gay, when their not, & people believe them anyway.

You also said, "Being gay is not something someone chooses but rather a part of who they really are."

That is only half true. It's true for truly born gay people. They didn't choose to be Gay. However, the straight person who chooses to live the Gay lifestyle is being Gay. They're being gay in the "acting" sense, not the "Genetic" since, but it doesn't change the fact that their in Gay relationships, having gay sex. It's not rocket science, it's really very simple.

Answer 1

Very few people qualify the statement with "some", the normal attitude is that you cannot be born gay, that it is in every case without exception a choice. When you have been hearing that day in and day for decades, there is a tendency to miss what the speaker actually said. There is also the problem that many people have an attitude that you have to be one or the other, so the idea of jumping the fence for while and then jumping back is antithetical to their worldview. I have known several people such as you've described, male and female, they are a lot more common than most people suspect.

Answer 2

The gay experience comes from within. This whole "argument" is just more crap against gays from people who don't understand, and have prejudice towards us. The "Born" gay side, is only a defense against the people say that we "choose" this "lifestyle". F@#* it. I'm not defending being gay. The process of a gay person's sexuality in this anti gay world is unique to that person. Everyone is different. Some know from a very young age. Some go through a process of denial. Some have to deal with religious training that conflicts with ones natural development... Finally accepting being gay is a big step. Looking back at my life I could see all the clues. I've always been gay. In fact science has some great studies that basically says that our brains were made gay while still in the womb. I guess that makes me "born gay"... And because God is perfect, and I don't question the miracle of child birth, I would say that God made me gay!

Answer 3

I would have to say the authentic 'born gay' crowd are those people who knew from puberty. Now, there are EXTREMELY rare cases where an authentic 'born gay' person may suddenly feel for the opposite sex and become either bisexual or straight because there are many cases of that happening whether through therapy or just natural transition.

For some, confusion can last until high school or even college and then they will or may never decide what they truly are. They usually tag themselves rightfully asexual or bisexual...

Then there's the majority who, when they hit puberty, felt inclinations only towards the opposite sex (and no, the thought of what it would be like to be with a same sex partner every now and then does not count)...

What it all comes down to is sexual orientation --- the NATURAL physical attraction and arousal of a certain sex is what you are... whether you are gay posing as straight or straight posing as gay makes no difference since it's just a statement, not a sexual orientation!!! YOU ARE WHAT YOU ARE BASED ON WHAT YOUR BODY'S AUTOMATIC RESPONSE DICTATES!

Answer 4

I think there are people who are born gay who live a gay life style, people who are born gay who live a straight lifestyle, people who are born straight and live a straight lifestyle and people who are born straight who live a gay lifestyle. I think people are who they are, but for whatever reason may chose to live another way. People generally don't say that "some people chose to be gay." They usually say all people chose to be gay then proceed to say how we're all sinners and will rot in hell. That is why people react the way they do. For example, the first person who answered this question. It's amazing to me that a person who is not gay will go ahead and decide for the rest of the population that it is in fact only a choice. They don't know and really have no way of knowing how others feel. That would be a special talent though.

P.S.
Well said Jonah!!! I agree 100%.

Answer 5

I don't think straight people can get confused into being gay. My roommate said that he experimented with guys before, but he couldn't get into it. He's completely straight.

You can be confused and think you *could* be gay. But in the end you'll find out what your orientation is (i.e. who you are attracted to). I wouldn't say that these people temporarily "chose" to be gay. They were always straight or bi, and did some experimenting to make sure.

I don't really agree that a person's orientation should be classified by the lifestyle they lead. Sexual orientation is an innate attraction. And I think that, between inner feelings and outward behaviors, our inner feelings are closer to who we really are.

Answer 6

A choice is a conscious decision to choose one thing over another.When making a choice usually it is because you have an interested in more then one thing but choose one over the other.If we are to say that sexuality is a choice then we must also suggest that everyone is born bisexual and thus have both emotional and sexual attractions to both sexes.This may be true for some people.But I know for a fact that I have never had any sexual or emotional attractions to women and so I didn't make an active choice.

There is nothing wrong with saying people choose to be one sexuality or another.But if you "choose" to suggest that you must also then be willing to admit to your own sexual and emotional attractions to the gender that you don't choose to be with.Most people honestly know better then to make such an assertion.

Answer 7

I believe that some people are born homosexual and other people have become gay because of their upbringing and environment. I don't think there's anything wrong with believing that and I'm sure homosexuals wouldn't argue with me. Some people HAVE to be born gay... when a 3-yr-old boy starts dressing up in his mother's things and uses her make-up and never grows out of being that feminine he must have been born with it. When a little girl cries because she wants to be a boy and marry a princess she had to be born with it. I don't think that most people would CHOSE to go through what homosexuals go through... all of the descrimination... but they've gotta go with how they feel.

Answer 8

Acting hetero means that an individual is actually in the closet. Being gay is not something someone chooses but rather a part of who they really are.

Answer 9

i believe many are born the way they are, and it can not be helped................however, i fully believe one can choose to be gay/lesbian/homosexual whatever the lastest word is for it. look at ann heche for starters. one minute she is one way, the next the other!
i firmly believe those who 'choose' to be gay create many, many problems and issues for those who were born that way. those that choose seem to want to be in your face with it all the time, while those who had no choice, seem to want to live quietly and enjoy life in their own way. once again it appears to be a few ruining things for everyone.
whenever anyone says 'some people choose to be gay'
folks think you are bigoted. i think that is because for so many years it was said with hate, ridicule and a bit of fear.
at the moment you can not say anything about any of it lest you be called homophobic, which is absolutely ridiculous.
everything in life goes in circles and i am truly hopeful this circle is almost complete and that we will soon be able to live our lives quietly, without all the bigotry - whether it be about gay, skin color, size, language, whatever!

Answer 10

A gay man choosing to live a straight lifestyle doesn't make the man a straight man, he is still a gay man living a straight lifestyle. They often choose this, because society treats them poorly and looks down on them for being gay, so they hide it. Someone who chooses to sleep with another of the same sex and is obviously attracted to them, or they wouldn't do it, so they are either gay or bisexual. A person doesn't choose who they are attracted to or in love with, if they did then I would bet that those who are gay wouldn't be, why would they choose a life of persecution and prejudice. Someone who says they are bi-curious is obviously attracted to someone of the same sex, meaning they are bi-sexual. Why do they go back to dating those of the opposite sex, well could be many reasons. The persecution they face in society, they fall in love with someone of the opposite sex, they find while they are attracted to those of the same sex they are actually more attracted to those of the opposite sex. Calling yourself gay, bi, or straight doesn't make you so, it is what a person is truly attracted to that distinguishes that.
edit
A person who is gay chooses to live a straight lifestyle for a reason, what reason would a person who is straight have to choose to live a gay lifestyle? They want to be treated poorly and not given equal rights I suppose. If a person is attracted to both sexes they are bi-sexual, whether they act on it or not. A person who is attracted to the opposite sex and not to their own sex is straight, whether they sleep with someone of the opposite sex or not. A person who is attracted to those of the same sex and not those of the opposite sex is homosexual, whether they live a straight lifestyle or not. It isn't actions that make a person a gay, straight or bisexual, it is what they are truly attracted to. Saying I love you to someone doesn't mean you do, having sex with someone who you aren't attracted to doesn't make you gay, straight or bi.
If an abused woman is attracted to women then she is either gay or bi, if she isn't attracted to them, but feels safe, then she is still a straight woman living a gay lifestyle.
Edit
Being gay and living a gay lifestyle are two different things, you have agreed with this. Your wanted to know why people don't think someone can choose to be gay. They technically aren't choosing to be gay, whether they call themselves that or not, just by choosing to live a gay lifestyle. By the reasoning that someone is gay just because they had sex with someone of the same sex, I could deduce that virgins are asexual, because they have not had sex with anyone. You are saying some people choose to live a gay lifestyle and some choose not to, I agree with that. But they do not choose who they are attracted to, so they don't choose not to be gay, they are still gay.