married for 7 yrs and plan to leave hubby, do i have to feel guilty?

Question

with 2 kids, we live with my inlaws and although we both have work, i shoulder most of the expenses while my hubby pursue his expensive hobby, mountain biking, and doesn't give us support... am i right in leaving him?

he's insecure about his salary, because i earn more that he does, we live with his family for we can't afford to have our own house, we've talked about our problems but he doesn't listen, doesn't do anything, and i don't know if i still love him...

i don't nag, for our talks were few, when i said he doesn't listen, he would let me talk, then he would talk, and then what i said would be disregarded.
he works six times a week and on his day off he would rather spend it biking. he's out more than he is at home and doesn't spend time with the kids.

Answer 1

If you vowed to be with him for better or for worse, and then go back on your word, then you tell me, how should you feel?

Frankly, I think he needs to step up and earn a living, and get out of his parents home and provide a home for you.

I agree with the others here who ask about counseling. If you speak to him the way you write here, you probably come across as a nag, instead of his partner. So he probably feels judged and looked down upon, and feels like he is treated as a child, instead of being treated as your partner.

I certainly can't tell you how to feel. I suspect, since you are asking, that you do feel guilty. There are probably things you can do better and things you have not tried yet.

If you are giving up without trying everything you can try and looking to see if you are part (not all, but part) of the problem, then I can understand why you would have a bit of guilt.

I suspect the guilt is telling you that you can do more than you are doing, and that giving up at this point is wrong.

I could be wrong. Only you can determine if what you are doing is consistent with your values and vows you've spoken.

Answer 2

Hi there, I can't help but feel that you seem to have all the answers to justify why you want to leave him already. And I don't doubt that you have done all you can to help him, help himself and the family unit. Perhaps your guilt stems from the fact that you are a caring person who would normally do everything and anything possible to make it happen - and in your case, the marriage deal is no longer happening.. and you're facing a dead-end?

Perhaps leaving him is the last thing you want to do to help him wake up to his responsibilities... however please be really really sure of the outcome and reactions from this decision that you are making.

Seeing a counsellor could help or maybe just talk to a bunch of your closest friends just to talk out what it is exactly that you want.

I may be wrong here, but I sense that it is not guilt that you are feeling from the decision to leave him, but what you feel is desperation should your decision backfires and at the end of it, you will end up alone.

Answer 3

No, can you say that you have tried everything? Probably not. I would suggest marriage counseling.

Also, would your husband leave you if he was shouldering most of the expenses? I am guessing no.

Here is how couples avoid this situation: they treat each other as equals and share the same bank account so that there is no reason for either to complain about money. All of your expenses come out of one pot.

He is your husband, not your roommate.

My husband and I share the same bank account and while he makes more than me, we share equally. We pay what needs to be paid, and we buy what we want when we want, within reason, of course. And it works.

Answer 4

Of course you have to feel guilty - you are breaking up your children's family! Sheesh! How about the two of you get some maturity, move out on your own (in however small or dowdy a place), work on your marriage, get your relationship back on track and start not being selfish - giving your children a decent chance at an emotionally happy homelife!

Answer 5

If you don't love him and you are footing the responsibility bill while he's riding bike I would feel relieved!Your children will thank you in the long run. You will only resent him after time and become bitter,and possibly create a bad environment for your children.I have been married for the same amount of time and I know your feelings on that but either make it work for you or suffer, it's your call.

Answer 6

Yes you should feel guilty about leaving him. If your both working and you have two kids why is your family still living with your husbands family? You should both be contributing equally to the bills. Get your own house, your grown with two kids. Stop sponging of your inlaws.

Answer 7

You don't need to feel guilty for wanting to be happy. If it's not working out get out. And I know how it feels to deal with the in laws. Sometimes your never right. You happiness comes first. If this what you want then do it.

Answer 8

it is faulty to spend time with a male buddy once you're married till that buddy is gay. My advice to you is which you attempt to describe which you're unhappy together with his loss of interest in you and existence. If his answer is that it is in simple terms how i'm than you could make it particularly sparkling which you don't be attentive to in case you could take plenty extra of it. My husband is unquestionably happy and content fabric to pass to artwork, come residing house and not in any respect go away the residing house. He does refer to me plenty yet never being out interior the actual international isn't stable for the two people. I unquestionably anticipate to be taken out like a woman another month for no reason different than we could have exciting now and lower back. i'm getting a sitter and enable him be attentive to what night we are going out and that's that. He could pick to be residing house with me and the little ones yet knows now that i pick this. It did take me explaining to him that i did no longer pick to in basic terms exist and that's what it felt like. I advised him I understood and envy his homebody contentment whether it wasn't sufficient for me. So we do pass out and that i be attentive to it is in simple terms for me yet we do issues for one extra that neither people enjoys each and all the time and a marriage is a provide and take. I prepare dinner, sparkling, do errands and the laundry. he seems after the valuables and is going to artwork without fail and rushes residing house to us. He additionally calls us thrice throughout the day whilst he's at artwork. provide and take and if he can no longer provide then go away! You deserve extra perfect.

Answer 9

your right in leaving him hes not supporting his family and that is bad and living with in laws is worse so divorce him and raise your kid's you deserve better

Answer 10

if you no love him, then time to move on.

if you still love him, maybe you talk to him about helping out with money.

if he no want to give money then tell him you leave him and he have to pay alimony. so he pay money one way or another. cheaper to help out with family than paying alimony.