his happiness? or mine? (last time i ask, need alotta answers please)?

Question

i live with my bf (by necessity, i have nowhere else to go. but i'm not WITH him by necessity, i'm with him cuz we love each other). recently, he got a job he finally likes and its starting to seem permanent.

the problem: 12-hour workdays (or more) practically everyday and sometimes saturdays. give 2 hours for commute, 8 hours for sleep, that leaves 2 hours a day of free time (not even including eating, showering, etc.) we hardly ever have time together anymore. i've tried talking to him, but he just gives me a guilt trip like "i'm doing it for you!" or "i finally have a job i love, why cant you be happy for me?"

i feel like i've taken second place next to his job. should i leave him be? what about my happiness? am i being too needy? should i just play the role of housewife with no expectations? this much work isn't necessary to pay the bills, they're MORE than paid for. i'm beginning to feel like i have a roommate rather than a bf. i miss the man and we freaking live together!

wow some of you dont seem to know the meaning of a "relationship." it's to spend meaninful time with someone!!

1) he doesnt save any of the money, he spends nearly all of it.
2) he's working to support us, but do you really think working 12 hours a day is necessary?

there is just not enough room to explain all the details...for instance, why is everyone thinking i dont have a job? all i asked is how we can spend more time together, sheez...

Answer 1

It would be good to talk to him and tell him your feelings, that you feel taken of granted for.
You should be happy and supportive of what he is doing for you both. I know it can be incredibly boring waiting around for him to get home all day, but it is just part of life. It is hard when you need more attention, but you need to suck it up and try to be happy with yourself and not happy because he makes you happy when he gives you a lot of attention. It might be a good idea to take up a hobby like scrapbooking or try meeting some new friends so your not so bored when he's away and so you have someone else to talk to.

Answer 2

You need to develop a more mature attitude!

Working is a part of life - and yes, some people have jobs where they work 12 hours a day. You're just going to have to grow up and get used to it.

Most women would be happy to have a hard working man who works 60 hours a week to pay their bills.

And if you keep complaining about how your man works too much, he's going to leave you for one of those women!!

Here's an idea - why don't you get a job too? That way, you'll have something to do while he's at work, and maybe he can cut his workweek down to 8 hours a day so you can spend more time together!

Answer 3

If you truly love him, just make the best of the few hours you do have together. My husband was in the Army and gone for days, and even weeks at a time, for 20 years. We have been married for 35 years in April. I just hung in there, and made the best of it.
When we didn't see each other, absence made the heart grow fonder.
If he loves his job, be happy for him. But maybe u two can work out a compromise some way. Maybe make a date for at least once a month, he takes a day to spend with you. It isn't much, but if he agrees, make it memorable.

Answer 4

You are too needy you need to find something to do with your time. He has a good job so why are you complaining. If he just sat around with you you both would soon be on the street. What did you think it was gonna be like? just the two of you sitting around together forever? it don't work like that in the real world. You make the most of the time you do have and stop trying to make him responsible for your happiness. Get off your butt and do something to help or better yourself instead of trying to stop the man from working. don't you get it yet about men and their jobs? You better do some fast growing up before you blow a good thing. Wake up and smell the independence which is what you need to do.

Answer 5

Damm girl! I'm sort of in the same boat as you are. I live with my bf as well-I too have nowhere else to go, my family lives in another state far away.) But we have been in a serious LD relationship and the commute was killing me-and my car. So I moved. He too has a busy and hectic load. He more so than I noticed in the beginning that due to his crazy schedule we didnt have much quality-time with each other. And I tried to not pout about it so much to him, because I know what is important to him. So, sometimes I leave him be. Like you, I do miss my bf and us being happy with each other, but its hard to find the space and time to *miss* the other when you live with them 24-7. It would probably do some good for you and I to find some other hobbies that are of interest to us in the time our bf's have hectic days, so we are not sitting around with too much time on our hands wondering about them and when they can squeeze in a minute or two of their time for us. believe me, when I started to back off-my bf realized it on his own, and apologized on his own for pulling me into a "housewife-ish-mode" because of his schedule. He appreciates it. And so will your bf. give it a try!

Answer 6

don't hit the panic button so early. if he's spending a lot, hold his purse strings tight...but use ur brains to do that. try giving him enough chances bfore u decide to call it off. if u were with him in the struggle, why not reap the fruits of his success as well? above all u r there coz u luv hm, don't u? if in the relationship he is the head, u r the neck. u and only u can make the head turn around!

Answer 7

OK then if him working so much is an issue why don't you get a job, he can work less hours and you can both spend time together after work.

Answer 8

I think its great you have a man that's planning for the future and willing to work for what will better you guys.Jump in the shower w/ him theres about 20 mins of time you could have w/ him.And make the most of Sunday's if that's the only day he has off.The harder he works now the more he can relax in the future.

Answer 9

you say you live there out of necessity and that is your hindrance. Find your own life and perhaps a job and see what you want to do, you may not want to live there anymore with someone who has no time for you.

keep asking yourself "what do I really want to do?" and then when you are fed up enough you will do it.

please do not sacrifice your life for someone else's. and once you are happy doing what you really want to do... if he really loved you he will come looking for you.

Answer 10

I think I know what you mean there is a such thing as balance in a relationship. its nice that he is working all these hours but it can't consume him completely and that's what is sounds like is happening. My only thing would be is this temporary? i bet it is because he can not continue to work those hours for years to come. so I would say to you wait it out I bet it won't last a year.