My appearance is ruining my marraige?

Question

I feel so ugly. I know I have it better off than many people, and many would be mad at me for feeling this way, but I feel fat. I'm not fat, maybe a tiny bit chubby. I just feel huge. I was always tall for my age. I evened out and now I'm 5'7 but I've always felt like a giant since I grew so fast as a child.

Ever since puberty I've felt ugly. I know it seems it must stem from a problem inside but I don't think it does, because I feel this way even when I'm really happy and doing well emotionally. I've also had bad acne off and on, which hasn't helped.

My husband tells me I'm beautiful but I feel like I'm not pretty enough for him, that he'd be better off with someone less clumsy, and who was shorter than him. I'm the same height as him but sometimes I look taller.

What can I do to feel pretty like I did as a little girl?

Please no mean comments. I don't think I could take them right now.

Answer 1

Believe your husband when he tell's you that you are beautiful. My girlfriend often tells me that she doesnt think she's beautiful enough for me and all that and it drives me nuts because I think she is the most beautiful person in the world but her not believing me kind of hurts.

Answer 2

I think that you need to spend some time concentrating on some of your inner qualities. Looks are really only skin deep and in the long run it is so much more beneficial to develop the lasting qualities of a good character, such as integrity, empathy, caring,...You are very blessed that your husband thinks you are beautiful and loves you, but your negative feelings about your appearance can turn him off after awhile. Try being more positive, a good attitude can do more for your looks than nearly anything...don't spend precious time worrying about your looks, just put on a smile and a gentle spirit, and you may be amazed at how beautiful you begin to feel.

Answer 3

Truly one of the most fascinating principles of human psychology is the ability of a person to "see" and perceive reality to be something far different than what it actually is. One of my more painful memories is accidentally walking into the bathroom as a child when my 16 year old sister was getting dressed. She was suffering annorexia at the time. She honestly thought she was fat, and she thought we were trying to decieve her into thinking otherwise. When I walked in on her that day, I saw a skeleton. It was frightening. How could she not have seen what the rest of us saw? The answer lies in the incredible capacity of the human mind to create "realities" that are mere imaginations.

Please believe your husband. He tells you he loves you. He loves you. And, actually, I once heard on some entertainment news program that the ideal height of a woman is considered 5'7". So there ya go. Height wise, you couldn't get any better!

Answer 4

Guys don't care about height. Your husband married you for a reason. As a guy, I can tell you that we would never marry someone we couldn't sleep with for the rest of our lives. I think you're thinking too much on this. I do agree that maybe some counseling could do some good. There's no shame in talking to someone.

Answer 5

haha you think 5'7 is tall? i'm 5'8 and i'm the shortest woman in my family, my mother is taller and so are two sisters. my female cousin is 6 foot and her sister is not far behind her!
so really, don't worry about you height at all. have you gone to the dermatologist about your adult acne? maybe you should go to the spa and give yourself a mini makeover!
appreciate your flaws, they make you who you are. if you're clumsy, you're clumsy! it's funny to be clumsy sometimes :)
i'm taller then my boyfriend and i don't care, he doesn't mind either and says he wouldn't have it any other way. i'm sure your husband feels the same about you! you are beautiful to him, try not to think those negative thoughts. have you gone to counselling?
you only have one life and you shouldn't spend it feeling bad about yourself. i hope you can get some help and feel better about yourself because you deserve to be happy! :)

Answer 6

You may need some sort of Self Esteem counseling but otherwise-listen to you hus. he loves YOU , He married YOU and he thinks and says that YOU are beautiful thats alot more than most wives get from the men they marry! Maybe get a friend to go with you to a day spa or a make-over salon and get a new hairstyle and some new make-up ideas-that can't hurt anyways! Plus it would be fun!!

Answer 7

i agree with the people who commented above, i think that you should call your family doctor as soon as possible, and get a referral to a psychiatrist.

psychiatrists generally have a broader understanding of these disorders, and usually they can recommend a more effective treatment.

in my humble opinion, it sounds like you may be suffering from Body Dysmorphic disorder. Here's some basic info from wiki:

"Body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) is a mental disorder, which involves a disturbed body image. It is generally diagnosed of those who are extremely critical of their physique or self image, despite the fact there may be no noticeable disfigurement or defect.

... People suffering from BDD, generally considered of normal appearance, believe that they are so unspeakably hideous that they are unable to interact with others or function normally for fear of ridicule and humiliation at their appearance. They tend to be very secretive and reluctant to seek help because they are afraid others will think them vain or they may feel too embarrassed to do so.

* How disabling is BDD?

Anywhere between slightly to severely. Many sufferers are single or divorced, suggesting that BDD patients find it difficult to form relationships. It can make normal employment or family life impossible. Those who are in regular employment or who have family responsibilities would almost certainly find life more productive and satisfying if they did not have the symptoms. The partners of sufferers of BDD may also become involved and suffer greatly, sometimes losing their loved one to suicide.

* Treatment

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) coupled with exposure therapy has been shown effective in the treatment of BDD. Low levels or insufficient use of serotonin in the brain has been implicated with the disorder and so SSRI drugs are commonly and with some success used in the treatment of Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Drug treatment will sometimes also include the use of an anxyolitic.

BDD tends to be chronic; as of current information it does not subside through time and in most patients often becoming worse as the symptoms and concerns of the sufferer diversify and social contacts further deteriorate. As so, treatment should be initiated as early as possible following the diagnoses."

Answer 8

Your appearance is NOT ruining your marriage! You have told us your husband thinks you are beautiful! If he knows of your insecurity, he is trying to reassure you by telling you how beautiful he thinks you are! You are very lucky to have someone who cares about how you feel. Try and remember why you felt happy and pretty when you were a little girl, who was it that made you feel that way? Your parents, your grandparents? You TRUSTED them and you felt accepted by them, and you didn't feel JUDGED by them. Those same feelings you should have with your husband, as well. You TRUST him and that he loves you; you accepted and believed in his love and married him; and he is not judging you or comparing you to anyone else.......he has committed his heart, sould, mind and body to you when he married you. And, he cares about how you feel, which is why he tells you that you are beautiful to him....accept that..he means it...trust that...he means it....talk to him about how you feel and maybe you will discover why you feel that way. The greatest thing about a husband who cares about how you feel, is that he is not only your husband, but he can be your best friend. I know this, because my husband is my best friend. Allow yourself to be loved just as you are.....accept that love and trust that he will be honest with you...you have been given a gift.....be thankful....your husband and your best friend, all in one! He will help you release that "wanting to trust" that as a little girl, you didn't know to hold back. Open up to him and be his best friend too. Good luck!

Answer 9

It seems like this is an emotional problem more than a physical one. You might want to go to a therapist. Also, you can go to some kind of makeover consultant and get advice on what makes yo look best, maybe it could help your self-esteem. I don't mean anything drastic, just what clothes and make-up make you look best.

Answer 10

I think you need therapy. Perhaps your family denigrated you? Kids in school did? I have dated many women who were 40 lbs or more overweight, I didn't even notice. I can't stand sticks (runway models). I don't just say that to make a woman feel better, it's the truth.