Opinions please! My step-mom is telling my sister that one of them has to go.?

Question

My step-mom is telling my 19 year old sister (in college) that she has made her life miserable for 5 years. She said she has to compete for my dad's attention, which is complete BULL! Honestly, my sister has made a huge effort throughout the whole 5 years of my dad and step-mom's marriage. She has walked on egg shells the whole time. They also have a cruise scheduled in 2 weeks and my step-mom (the same one that will not live with my sister) says that she will divorce my dad if my sister does NOT go. My sister already has immediate plans to move and has said she would not go on the cruise with some one who has said that she hates her.
Why would my step-mom demand that my sister go on a vacation with them, but refuses to live with her?
I think she is just looking for a way out. My dad is just standing in the middle trying to convince himself 'everything will be okay."
I am trying to stay out of this, because I am FIGHTING mad.
I am fighting the urge to get in my car and go there.

My sister is moving in with me this weekend.

Answer 1

First off, I know this is your family and that you are very attached to them, but it is not your job to fix things. Your job is to take care of you first and foremost.

Second I would say from what you have told us here, your step mom sounds like a manipulator. She sounds like someone who tries to control the world around her as much as she can.

Third, there are somethings that people do that are not logical so looking for logic in such an action as demanding someone move but and come spend time with us on vacation may not have a logical reason behind it. One possible explanation is that she wants to portray the happy family unit to the world, if there is a member missing during the vacation then there is not a happy family. It could be an image thing like that or it could be just a whim.

The most important piece of advice that I can give you is try not to save the world, or in this case the family. Getting involved when one shouldn't often leads to pain and it always always more trouble than it is worth.

Answer 2

I think your step mom is either looking for away out or a stupid b**** for trying to make your dad choose between his daughter and her. I don't know why she would want your sister to leave and also go on a cruise with them at the same time unless she was looking for a way out.

Answer 3

I do believe your step-mom is jealous of your sister! She wouldn't feel like she had to "compete" with her if she wasn't jealous. So, the step mom is feeling somewhat insecure! Or, your step mom may on the slim chance be cheating on your dad? Please, see if you can sit down and have a one on one talk with your dad about all of this. Maybe your sister can be there too. And, another time with step mom included. Or maybe all of you at once, that's between you and your dad and sister. I wish you all the best. Take care.

Answer 4

listen to your fathers wishes, it's sad that your step mom would issue an ultimatum.but thats between a husband and wife., continue to support your sister by all means possible if it was bad your sister will proably be better off out of that egg shell enviroment. Its difficult because theres no black and white answer but if you take it upon yourself to retalliate out of anger it will surely be the wrong answer.when a storm hits we cant prevent it. just show the determination to continue on stronger because of it .

Answer 5

Tell your sister to tell the step mother that she will not stand for her childish antics and that she will need to discontinue talking to her if she continues.

Answer 6

BASED ON THE INFO THAT YOU'VE GIVEN IT SOUNDS LIKE YOUR STEPMOTHER NEEDS TO GROW UP! YOU NEVER TELL A CHILD THAT THEY NEED TO LEAVE, OR MAKE THE OTHER PARENT CHOOSE. THEY NEED FAMILY COUNSELING AND QUICK! CANT YOUR SISTER COME LIVE WITH YOU?

Answer 7

I can only imaging what hell that poor woman has been through. shame on all of you