My husband is out at sea (Navy), and he gave me the password for our online rent payment so I could pay it while hes gone. And assuming that the password was the same for his e-mail (as most people use the same password for everything). I logged on and it worked. I started snooping and found old love letters and poems he wrote to his ex. Also, finding that he lied about how close they really were. I wrote him an e-mail about my findings and he went off. It made me think... Was the information I found worth the drama I just caused?
2007-03-07 16:14:26 · 28 answers · asked by Kaya808 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
smoth move... You violated the trust he has in you...
2007-03-07 16:19:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 2⤋
Being a Navy wife is hard enough without asking for trouble. I see you found OLD letters and poems and nothing current so I'd say it wasn't worth it. I know it would hurt my feelings to see those things and also that he had minimized the relationship he had w her, but really what good does it do to know specifics about an old girlfriend? It just hurts you and it is over. I doubt I'd tell my husband just how close I was w any of my old boyfriends as they are in the past and are over so why hurt him?
Try to get past it and apologize to him for invading his privacy. Tell him you're only human and you just couldn't help it but are sorry.
The only thing that would really bother me in the here and now is wondering why he felt the need to keep these old letters and poems, THAT is what would hurt me most.
2007-03-08 00:37:04 · answer #2 · answered by Polly 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You can only get caught if you have something to hide. You should not have snooped but he should not have lied. You are both guilty of violating trust.
It is an issue that you both need to resolve and can only do by talking about it. Not easy while he is at sea.
You should send him an apology and explain that you should not have let your curiosity get the better of you. Now that you know a little more of his past you are not clear why he needed to lie to you because the past isn't where you live anymore. Much more important is the future and how you can build it together. Tell him you want to solve any trust issued that may exist between you, not as a placing of blame exercise but as an exercise in understanding what his personal boundaries are so that you understand him and his needs better and that you hope that he has the same desire.
Tell him you look forward to him getting home so you can show him how much you love and miss him.
2007-03-08 01:01:09 · answer #3 · answered by John B 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
life is full of mistakes some are more intentional acts then mistakes but since we are human and are not able to see the future we may call them mistakes.
i think both you and him messed up here. i have to say i have looked at my wife/gf email only because she left it on the screen . didnt find much but did see she calls me some nasty names when talking to her mother. oh well .
people are not suppose to remary . people are not suppose to cheat when married. people do this it seems often.
i suggest that you write him another email and say your sorry for looking at his email. ask him to also cool down on the love letters to the ex wife unless its his intention to come back get off the ship and go live with her.
if he intends to live with you then you cant order someone not to love there ex wife or anyone for that matter but you can order there be rules of engagement in the relationship.
as a military man he might grasp that phrase.
if you were to attempt to cut off all communication between him and his ex wife then i think you would really just cause them to meet secretly to talk only then it might not be talk .
so allow continued communication with the promise that the sexual aspect of it along with the other non platontic aspects be removed.
this is what i suggest you do .
i think he should be able to change his email password on the ship . if not he can at some point. anyway since you have asked if it was worth the drama i think that means maybe you have a good understanding of the workings of love .
god be with you both well all 3 .
2007-03-08 07:52:43 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there are certain things that I am sure you have hidden in your closet that you wouldn't want him finding about. You broke the most sacred part of a marriage or even a relationship and that is trust. What you did was wrong and it goes against all ethics of trust and commitment for the other partner. Hope you are satisfied with the results (sure you aren't). I know what he did was probably wrong but two wrongs don't make a right. You need to apologize to him and then once he is calm, just try to talk to him about it and see if maybe its just some closure that he is really looking for that maybe you can help him with to get over the past and move on with you.
2007-03-08 00:23:21 · answer #5 · answered by osito 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, you were a horrible wife for snooping!!! We all need our private space, where nobody else can enter, not even our spouse - and you violated his private space!!!
He gave you the password so you could pay the rent, not so you could rifle through his email account! You had no business there, and you had no right to confront him about what you found!!!
You should apologize to your husband, and promise to never again pry into his email account!!!
2007-03-08 00:48:46 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You should not have done that. You invaded his personal space and his personal business.
Did you have a reason to check into his stuff. Meaning, did you suspect something or were you just being nosy.
I would NEVER go into any of my husband's personal information. I've never even been in his wallet.
It you have to snoop, then you don't trust your spouse, so what is left.
2007-03-08 00:26:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No it wasn't worth it. The only thing that could have been worth it is if (BIG if) you had found that he was or had been unfaithful to you while you have been in a relationship together. You didn't find that....you didn't think before you typed and now you have drama.
Learn from your mistakes, and try not to repeat them. You will now have trust issues in your marriage, that frankly you didn't need being separated the way you are.
2007-03-08 00:22:59 · answer #8 · answered by Poppet 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
well must be you do not trust him hence the snopping. but i can say this if you are such a trusting relationship he would have been upfront and not lied or hid things. so who can the blame be cast on? how foolish of him to leave incriminating evidence. So no go ahead and snop if he is doing nothing wrong then why would it bother him? When confronted with the truth, many will get very angry at being caught. If he felt he did nothing wrong then why did he go off.
2007-03-08 00:20:42 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
no u not a horrible wife for snooping however u should not have emailed him regrading them. obviously u have touched or stepped on something that was a big part in his life. u should have confronted him face to face and maybe things would have gone down a little better. just because he still have those letters, it was in the past im sure we all hold that special someone in our hearts. doesnt mean he doesnt love u just as much or even more.
2007-03-08 00:26:19 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
What is wrong with you? Your husband is out to sea in the Navy and you bring up this petty nonsense? Why are you so insecure? You should be ashamed of yourself. You need to grow up, a lot
2007-03-08 00:34:10 · answer #11 · answered by CindyLu 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋