OK This is going to sound terrible...?

Question

My friend has been hinting for me to be in the labor room with her when she has her son (she is already going to have her hubby,her mother in law, and both of her sister in laws). She is being induced and she wants me to come "hang out" until she goes into labor then be there for the birth. U can look at my past posts and she how difficult she has been lately...
I had a miscarriage in Jan. It is still a tender subject eventhough we will be trying again soon. I promised her a shower b/f I miscarried and I'm keeping my commitment to her, eventhough the thought of little baby clothes, booties, rattles, and such makes me want to cry. I just don't want to be in the room. For these reasons and I have a 2 year old who needs me to be at home not hanging out at the hospital. I've already told her that my husband and I will come up there when he gets off work and after she has the baby. But she is still hinting for me to be there. How do I politely, but firmly tell her NO.

LMAO...Heart---that's what I've been doing and my hubby says to do the same thing.

some added details, She has a miscarriage last year and then was in the labor room with her sis in law, who was due a week after her, but by then she was pregnant again with this baby.

And also I'm a little afraid she will feel like she will want to be in the room with me when I give birth again and I don't want her in there. I don't want many people in there....that probably sounds bad too LOL.

Thank you all for your help. I will pick the best answer tomorrow, It will be hard b/c I got a lot of good answers.

Answer 1

Tell her in a loving way that you care for her and feel honored that she wants you there, but you just aren't at a place where you feel that you could handle that since your miscarriage. Also let her know that you feel that this is a private intament moment that should be shared with her family and that Doctors aren't real thrilled with a huge audience in the delivery room, the more people the more germs. If she can't handle your honesty, re think your friendship. I as a friend would never want a friend who just miscarried in the delivery room for her sake. If she really gets mad, sounds like a selfish friend that you may be better off without. Good luck to you and I will say a prayer for your next conception, God bless.

Answer 2

Nothing wrong with that. Just tell her that after your miscarriage it is still painfull to you and you do not want to be in the labor room. She already has too many and the nurses are gonna kick some of them out anyway. Most hospitals will only allow 2 people in there or there would be no room for the doctor.

Just tell her how you feel and then do not go. IF you do not want her to be in the labor room with you tell her that you would prefer not to have people in there with you. If she is a real friend she might be disappointed but she will understand. If she cannot understand this under the circumstances of your miscarriage, she is not a real friend and you have nothing to worry about

Answer 3

I agree with heart. And if she gets ahold of you, and keeps forcing the issue, tell her that you just can't. Period. And, then say you want that to be the last time she brings it up. Or, keep ignoring her, lol.

I was in the opposite situation that my friend wanted to be in the room with me. She is pregnant also, and throughout our 17 years of friendship, we have been very competitive. I didn't want to hear how her labor was so much better than mine was. So...I went into labor, and told only who I wanted to come to the hospital, and called her after the baby was delivered. Her feelings were a bit hurt, but I think on soem level she understands, because our friendship is still fine.

By the way, if your friend cannot grasp that after having a miscarriage this is hard for you, that's not a great friend.

Answer 4

Well with her being pregnant and having many emotions she probably isnt thinking of how diffucult it is for you even if you have told her and if you havent told her than just tell her you will see her when she returns home and that its a little hard on you right now and that its probably best she only has family there with her.
She could want you there with her cause of her in laws being there and she wants somebody that she is much closer to you and she is probably turning to you. But the best way to tell her is to be honest with her and explain that being with her in the best time of her life is a little diffucult because you are still dealing with a hard time in your life and let her know she would be better off with her in laws than with you.
And no you dont sound mean because you dont want her there when you go into labor just to let you know..
I hope everything goes well and i must say you sound like a good friend even through a miscarriage and still wanting to throw her a baby shower and i hope she understands you
Good Luck

Answer 5

Most hospitals won't allow that many people in the room with her and if nothing else just have a nurse tell her that someone has to go when the big day arrives and volunteer to leave...worked for us when my mother in law was being pushy. My sister asked one of the nurses to tell them that someone had to leave. Other than that just keep telling her you are still upset over your miscarriage and let her know that just the thought of being in a delivery room right now is too upsetting to think of.

Answer 6

I completely understand. I have had two miscarriages. The last one was last January. It is still a hard topic for me. I skipped my cousins baby shower this past weekend. Just the thought of an entire event dedicated to talk about babies, made my freak.
It sounds like you have already been a great friend by keeping your commitment to her. Now, hopefully she will be a good friend in return and understand your feelings. She is already going to have too many people, anyway.

Good luck, with her and especially trying for another baby!

Answer 7

I am deeply sorry for your loss and I hope God blesses you with a pregnancy soon.

In my opinion I would explain to her that it is still a difficult time in your life to attend the birth of a child right now. Let her know that you will be there for support and will definitely come to the hospital to share in her joy after the baby is born.

I think you are a great friend to continue the shower under your circumstance. She should have provide you an out as host and her friends and family should have picked the slack so to speak.

Answer 8

Tell her just that. You want to be there for her, but under the circumstances, you just cannot be there. Let her know that you have other commitments, emotionally and physically. Also show her that you are still supporting her by throwing the shower and being there afterwards. If she still hints, you've told her clearly, ignore the hints.

Answer 9

If she is a really good friend tell her the truth tell her you are happy for her but it is still a painful subject for you, remind her that in her happy moment she does not want to see you in tears.
I understand that she is excited and happy but as your friend she should think of your feelings losing a baby is something that will hurt for a long time, my mother lost two and was expected to act like they never were, she never got over them not even 30 years and two baby's later.
They now give much better advice and help mothers put aside grief faster, but it is fully acceptable to tell her you are still in grieving over your lose, it is not something to be made light of or to forget.
Very sorry for you lose

Answer 10

I think you answered your own question.
Politely but firmly.
You have every right to not feel comfatable going into the labor room, and i think it is rather rude for her to keep hinting for you to be there. Sorry for your loss.