Do you think that some people are destined to always attract the same kind of person even without wanting to?

Question

All of my friends say that I am attractive, intelligent and generally fun to be around. As I look at my life, for some reason I continue to attract women who are below my social and intellectual level. I am not being a snob, but I would like at least for a future girlfriend to not have issues, have an education, not have kids, and have a steady income in a job that is going somewhere. Basically a woman who knows who she is, what she wants out of life and goes for it! But, I always have women who are unattractive, uneducated, smokers, confused about their sexual orientation or wanting to experiment, 10-15 years older than me, and just about everything else that is on my 'no' list. I thought that I had found the perfect girlfriend, but she stopped respecting me, so I ended that relationship. I have tons of friends and I have a life, so it's not like I need to be more social. Has anyone else had the problem of always attracting people you don't want to attract no matter what you do??

Answer 1

I believe to a point, I think that in order to attract a different type of person you have to actually seek them out and show them why they should be attracted to you.

I used to have this problem with attracting only people who were violent, stupid, sex obsessed, or cheaters. Thankfully I finally found someone who was none of the above, though I'm still not quite sure how.

Answer 2

This is a subject that has actually been touched upon in my human services class. It is a self esteem issue that people have with themselves that can be overcome. I have always found muself with addicts and older men. I do not use drugs and am only 25 yrs old. Don't get me wrong, they are great people, just not what I want for myself....but I allowed it to go on. If you are willing to compromise your standards, then you will continuously attract the people you dont want. Just because they are good people does not mean you HAVE to be with them, be friends, wait until you find someone who fits your strandard, dont fit theirs!!!! Remember that you are good enough and deserve it and you have the love of many people around you.

Answer 3

If you keep attracting the same kind of person, then you are probably doing it subconsciously.

all those people you mentioned, uneducated, older, confused etc.. are a TON easier to pick up.

So while you may not WANT them, you know you can get them with ease so you do the little flirty things that attract them.

Try forcing yourself to hit on harder targets and totally avoid those you arent after.

Answer 4

Hmmm... unconfident, not well educated, has one or more children, has issues or insecurities, and does not have a lucrative, continually progressive occupation with plenty of room for advancement?
Bingo! You just described 98% of all human beings! Good luck finding an attractive lesbian inside your age bracket within that remaining 2%!!

Answer 5

You definitely have experienced a general truth in new relationships! Many have had similar experiences in always ending up with a particular type of person, myself included. Are we destined to always be with that kind of person? I don't think so. Perhaps we subconsciously resonate when particular attributes from the other person strike a certain tone that matches how we view ourselves?

Answer 6

I agree with "Siren". Eventually the right one comes along (it took me 20 years). I think working thru my issues while I was in-between partners (with the help of a caring friend) helped me spot my Mr. Right. If a potential partner has a good heart and has a love of listening & learning, social and intelectual boundaries can be overcome. Reach out and bridge the gap with a good person.

Answer 7

It happens. I know a couple gals who always attract men who end up physically abusing them. They're magnets for abusive guys, it's strange.

Answer 8

Yes, I attract losers so I gave up dating