ok it is like this i haven't seen him in 12 or 13 years and i always wondered about him. how is life was if he had kids and so on well i found him on my space and i sent him a message to my surprise he sent me one back and even apologize for they way things ended thought that was nice and i thought it would give me closure i needed on that. but now i just want to talk to him more i mean i haven't got to talk to much i just want to know it all about him and the last 12 years is that 2 much.. and my hubby does know and i have not step over any boundries. and neither has he and he is married to . is it ok or wrong. want your advice but who knows it i will listen. and is i am staying up all hours that should be the sign to stop going to work on a few hours.
2007-03-07 15:58:01 · 28 answers · asked by LOLO 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I think it is dangerous, but whether it is OK is something for you and your hubby to decide.
2007-03-07 16:03:39 · answer #1 · answered by Husker41 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all your husband needs to give you the okay. If he's not comfortable with it, then I would say it's not okay. If he says it is fine, then when you do meet or talk with him anything that is said or done should be done as though your husband was standing right beside you. If you do or say one thing that you know you wouldn't have done or said if your husband was right there it would be crossing the line. If you had strong feelings for him way back when, then my overall opinion would be to back off. It may cause more heartache to see him or continue talking to him. And if things were to progress even further, someone will get hurt.
2007-03-08 00:16:38 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as you both know that it is just catching up with old friends, and you're spouses know about the fact that you 2 are talking, then I don't see anything wrong with it. UNLESS you are starting to neglect your family in order to talk to this guy, or start hiding things from your husband...
And I'm sorry but I really just couldn't understand what you meant in your last sentence so I cant reply on that....
2007-03-08 00:05:56 · answer #3 · answered by slpkwp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it were me, I just wouldn't want to open the door to temptation. I can understand interest in knowing what someone who was important to you is doing. I just think that by more communication you are in some way rekindling something that should probably left alone.
I would just chalk it up that he's happy and married with kids. Anything beyond that is really irrevelant, imho.
Good Luck though!
2007-03-08 00:07:23 · answer #4 · answered by Kurius_Kitten 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself why you want to talk and be honest with your answer. Your intention to develop the talking relationship is like inviting troubles in your present peaceful life. Talking on occassional chance meeting is something normal but sending message for talk means you have other ideas. You are heading for the troubled waters so beware and be prepared for the worst.
2007-03-08 00:06:41 · answer #5 · answered by KVISHWAS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
sure. why not? getting married doesn't require cutting off all contact w/ prior boyfriends/girlfriends etc. since you, too, are married, i assume that you know longer have any feelings (romantic) for this guy. if his intentions are "pure" too, then i don't see any reason not to. now meeting up for lunch to "catch up", that's another story. but keeping it to an email or myspace message every now and then to find out how he is isn't a problem......at least that's how it is with my wife and i. keep in mind, though, that nothing should be "said" that you wouldn't want your husband to hear or know about. if things are said that you wouldn't want hubby to know about, then it's crossing a boundary. this is just one opinion, though.
2007-03-08 00:24:46 · answer #6 · answered by blaze 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would say it's ok as long as you don't get that feeling that you're doing something wrong. If you can tell your husband everything you and your ex talk about, it's ok. If you start to cross boundaries though, then you're heading for trouble. Just remember, there is a reason he's your ex and not your present.
2007-03-08 00:03:19 · answer #7 · answered by 1978girl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is perfectly normal to want to catch up on things. it has been over 10 years so why not talk about what you two missed out. i assume most of the talking is online, then you are not crossing any boundries whatsoever. i just hope you mentioned you are married and you dont fiddle with your ring when talking to him. that may signs of trouble lol jk.
2007-03-08 00:04:42 · answer #8 · answered by ssalas928 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
With all cases of the *ex* it is customary for current partners to get a little jealous or hurt. When I got jealous over my bf always keeping in touch with his ex, I told him and he tried to alleviate my worries over her by me meeting her for myself to see that nothing other than a platonic friendship is going on. But still, it can be hard for some people to feel that all ties are cut when one partner keeps constant contact with the ex-it is normal to still harbor fond memories for ex's, but to be obsessed with it, well...that's something else. Do you still have feelings for your ex?...or are you just curious as if you just located an old friend? If your husband knows and is okay with this communication and your ex's spouse also knows, and there is true committment and trust on both sides-it would seem okay...so long as no one gets hurt.
2007-03-08 00:05:32 · answer #9 · answered by Noodles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I believed that it was just passing interest it would be ok..... however it isn't or else you wouldn't be asking us or your husband. DO NOT do this. Be happy with your husbnad and quit looking over the fence to see how green that old grass is. Married, kids, husband, whyh take the chance and ruin all those lives? Go to bed with your husband and pretend it is your old flame.... that should scratch that itch.
2007-03-08 00:20:20 · answer #10 · answered by Patrick G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i always think that honesty is the best policy. especially with the person you chose to spend your life with. tell him and get it out in the open, then you won't have to worry about whether it's right or wrong and won't have to sneak around.
sometimes the past looks attractive..growing up and having added responsibilities might not look at much fun as when you're younger..so the temptation for you to romanticize this old/new relationship might be dangerous to your marriage.
if you want your life to work, be honest with yourself and your partner - if you want to be "friends" with this ex, than you, your husband, and his wife should be in on it.
2007-03-08 00:14:16 · answer #11 · answered by annenymous 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋