How sad is it?

Question

That I'm sitting here alone, as usual, drinking a few glasses of wine to take away some of the pain and loneliness. Marriage shouldn't be like this, right? I'm going crazy from lack of sex (maybe I'm just ugly and unattractive), I'm so lonely, he doesn't want to do anything with me. I need someone who cares! Do other people find marriage to be the most lonely time of their lives? I look forward to going to work because people there will actually talk to me, pay some attention to me. He's not even coming home till late cause he's going to friends house to smoke up. nice, right? Why do I bother? If it wasn't for my daughter I'd either run as far as I could get or I'd just end everything...maybe I'm just not worth it. The guy who married me says he loves me, but I guess I'm not good enough, the only "loving" I've had in weeks has been from toys. I'm so desperate, sad, and lonely....Anybody else feel this way?

Answer 1

Please stop thinking that you are useless and unattractive. Unfortunately many men just give up trying ANYHTING once they have got their wife. Sounds like the dope has got him too, which will take away most motivation.

And yes many women are unfulfilled and unhappy in marriage.
Looking after your own sexual needs is a good thing, it gives you freedom to not be dependant on him for your orgasms.

I know I will get blasted for this, but you could have an affair. It will give you a new lease on life, make you feel better about yourself, and get you some of the physical attention you need.

Failing that, join a social club of some description and make him stay at home some nights in the week to look after your child.

Finally, keep hanging out on Yahoo Questions: read about other people, help answer questions and post more questions yourself (not just about how bad things are for you, but also about things that interest you or that you are passionate about), this will help you feel less alone.

Answer 2

I'm sorry. No, marriage shouldn't be "the most lonely time". My husband and I do a ton of stuff together. I look forward every day to coming home and spending time with him - even if it's just sitting side by side at our computers. If we didn't enjoy each other's company - I would rather be single. At least I could go out and try and find a person whos company I would enjoy. You're worth what you think you're worth. If you keep telling yourself you're "not worth it" - this is how others will perceive you. Sounds to me like you married this person because you felt that this was ALL you were worth. You kinda get what you ask for - try asking for more, don't settle. If you, yourself, feel you're worthy - then there will be someone out there who feels the same, and who will love you and your daughter.

Answer 3

Sweetheart, if I felt that bad, and had exhausted all other avenues to try to make it work, I would definitely settle for a divorce and child support.

No one deserves to live like that, and sex IS an important part of marriage. You didn't marry something that takes batteries. You married a human being. If he doesn't want it from you, who's to say he's not getting it from someone else?

Hell, I don't even think that I would WANT it from him, anymore, if I didn't feel wanted.

I was a single mother for three years before I met my husband. It was hard, yes, but it was very worth it. My point is this: If fear of rearing your daughter alone makes you stay in this misery, I think that your chances of happiness will be better if you live on your own.

Besides, you don't want your daughter to look at YOUR marriage one day and think that's what it's all about, because IT'S NOT!

Answer 4

Lady,

Your story actually sounds genuine. You're not like these other h0rn dog ladies that want to screw anything with a rod regardless of the consequences.

A few months ago, my marriage was going down the dumps fast. Like you, I felt lonely, unappreciated and sexually frustrated. I was getting ready to call it quits when the wife and I sat down and had a heart to heart. This is when my wife revealed that she wants me and wants to do it all the time with me but didn't because she though I was too tired from work.

You need to communicate to your man about how much you need him and how h0rny you are for him. Believe it or not, when my wife told me this, it turned our marriage around. We now do it long and often and it feels great.

I can't see what you look like but your qualities here demonstrate that you are a good person and that goodness I'm sure is a quality that is visible. This is what makes you an attractive person.

Answer 5

I used to, then I decided to do something about it. Take action. Show him some affection. Make his favorite dinner. Have a date night. Write him a love letter. Leave nasty voice messages on his phone. I took action, but not the normal divorce route. My marriage was drying up right in front of me. I blamed my husband, but it wasn't his fault. It was my fault because I recognized the problem, and I was blaming someone else! Get a new attitude! Be a happy person! It doesn't take a man or a child to make you happy. It's a choice. I choose to be happy! It's contagious. No, my life isn't perfect, trust me, it's just a choice I made. Now go do something with your husband! Take action NOW!!!!!!
Email me if ya need an ear!

Answer 6

Don't teach your daughter by example that it is OK to have a marriage like you just described. If this is not the way you want your daughter to grow and be treated than don't do it yourself. Does your husband know how lonely and unsatisfied you are? He may think you are fine with the relationship.

Answer 7

don't you see what this is doing to you and your self esteem? Don't you think that your attitude is going to have an affect on your daughter. This is emotional abuse and also grounds for divorce so what are you waiting for. You need to confront your husband and tell him that things ARE going to change and he can either come with you to get some serious marriage counselling or he can come with you to divorce court and then make it stick If you continue to be so very unhappy you have only yourself to blame. Get some guts, grow a spine and change your life for the better, one way or another.

Answer 8

(((hugs))) There's nothing worse that being lonely in a marriage, I've been there. I know this sounds cliche but you need counselling ... whether he goes with you or not doesn't matter, it will help you sort things out. Good luck and I hope things get better :-)

Answer 9

AWWW, I used to have a marriage like that, and after 10 years I gave up and left.....it didnt matter how many "talks" we had , nothing worked and he refused to go see a counselor with me.

You deserve much much better than this!.......Marriage is not sposed to be this way, marriage is about sharing, caring and being part of a "team".

Take care of yourself, you deserve it.

Answer 10

I got news for ya.. you aren't helping your daughter by raising her in an emotionally dead environment. Kids can tell that their parents don't love each other.

You could call the police with an anonymous tip that there is marijuana being smoked at his friend's house. That should get him home. Well, maybe not immediately, but what's the difference?