My husband is TOO tired for sex?

Question

My husband works 4 12hr. days and then has off 4 days (MILITARY) and everytime he gets off work & every night before bed I try & get him to have sex with me. Sometimes he does & others he doesn't. He says he is too tried or he just got done eating and he doesn't like that. We have been married for 6 months & we have a 3 month old. I understand he works bu I take care of our daughter ALL day and night and I still want to have sex! Is there something wrong with me? Or something up with him?




And please don't be dumb, my husband is not cheating on me! Believe me...he doesn't have the time!

& for the record I have lost ALL of my baby weight and I am back to the way I use to look!

Answer 1

People will give you tons of advice here because they don't know you and how you deal with life in reality. I know how you feel because I used to be a navy wife as well, now retired after he didn't get to command a ship. When we were new couple I have lots of work to do as a wardroom wife, stop my career and I made his career as part of mine. You said that once in a while he told you that he don't feel doing it because he just ate??..gosh that happened to me when we were oversea, my feelings was hurt cause all I want is to make him happy when his home with me but I never thought that it matters whether he just ate or not, so since then I stop doing it.
If your husband is in the ship, take my words for it, he will be very tired, mine was all the time but I learned to balance his schedule to mine.
your husband can have a few reason, one will be his tired, it can be that his in so much stress at work that it turn him off for some odd reason, mine was like that too. One other thing is you need to sit him and ask whats going on with him, and if there's something that you can do, you'll be there for him. Men will feel neglected and a bit jealous when there's a baby in the house, always remember that most men do feel insecure when it comes to getting attention from their wife or girlfriend. I have this experience from mine and it was me that gave 99% to our relationship and understanding. Just be there for him, give him comfort and support no matter what it is.
And if you can ,during his days off, have someone take care of your little baby for a few hours and give that hours to him, only him without your baby around. Take a shower together, baby him, talk none sense, even joke around like talking about when the two of you first met.........bring his memory when the two of you just started and you'll see,it will turn around, and please for now, try not to push the issue of intimacy to him, let him come to you so that way he will not feel pressured........hope this help, navy needs to stick together right??

Answer 2

Well you just had a baby and baby is only three months old. Combined with the hours your husband works and just the time to wind down after he comes home I can see where his brain might be a little cluttered to concentrate on anything other than just being quiet.

It sounds like you a lot more sexually motivated than he is. In any relationship that usually one person that's a lot more sexually interested in the other... or interested at different times. Could he be worried about you getting pregnant again?

Sex on the male part does take some concentration and an effort and the more pressure he has the less he can perform. Asking the set-aside a time and day each week. Just keep it simple... but make a commitment to keep each other concentrating on this short moment. If you can accomplish that then you can move on to some longer time together

Mark

Answer 3

I sympathize - my husband works M-F, usually 12-16 hour days. Needless to say, sleep is higher on his priority list than sex during the week. And same as you, I'm not concerned that's he's cheating - when the he!! would he find the time??? There's nothing wrong with either of you... it's just unfortunate that right now, you're not on the same page sexually. After 6 months of marriage and a 3 month old, that's not so unusual. There are going to be times when you want it more than him (like now) and times that you wish he'd leave you alone and settle for cuddling (I know that's hard to imagine!!!). In between you'll have some times where you both want it about the same... but that doesn't happen often, and doesn't last long.
For now, figure out a compromise... a little less than you want it, and a little more than he wants it. You want him to enjoy it, you want him to be into it... not just there to keep you from complaining. Offer every once in awhile to make it all about him, without him having to worry about you. Tell him a quickie is fine - a lot of the time I found it's not that my husband doesn't want sex, it's that he doesn't want all the effort, just quick and easy. Experiment until you find a way to make the quickies work for you too.
And remember... there's nothing wrong with taking care of it yourself if he's not in the mood. Keeps you satisfied, and lets him sleep. You never know... that might entice him into joining you!!!

Answer 4

Having been in a branch of service before, I understand how tired he can be. It's a very stressful and demanding career. Maybe he just isn't the mood, you know what that is like...you take care of your baby all day! Sex is something that should be enjoyed when both people want it and when the mood and timing is perfect. No, there is nothing wrong with you...women's sex drive is generally stronger than men. I think you should try to do other things that can relieve tension like exercise and taking baby for walks! Hope it works out! Good luck!

Answer 5

As indicated, stress is a definite problem. My husband has been stressed out too and was not coming onto me like he did. I always go to bed nude and would prep my vagina with some K-Y so I would be nice and easy to enter. I found that if I just touch and cuddle, letting my hand stroke his penis he'd have an erection, where upon I climb on top of him, showing off my body, letting him fondle my breast, then getting in some nice kissing after sliding his cock into my chamber. While this did not give me the Big O it did keep us intimate and without him feeling the pressure to "perform" he would always ejeculate and like most women that always gave me a natural high knowing I was giving him such pleasure. It would only take a couple of weeks before his old self was back and we'd get in some longer loving where I could be fully pleasured. I also found that keeping the TV off and putting on some music was a big positive. Our evening meal had deteriorated to eating while watching TV so I started serving dinner at the table with a candle. I also caution not to let your weight climb as men love to see a naked woman, but fat is a turn-off. In spite of what some will tell us, men are quite emotional so arguing or put down will kill sexual desire. Be the naturally sweet person you are, building up his self-esteem, praising him, and you'll be rewarded with him being nice back to you. Hope this helps

Answer 6

It could be that he really is too tired... 12 hour days can be draining. If he says the same thing on his days off, though, you should try to find out what is really going on. Distancing yourself from your partner sexually is a pretty good sign that something is wrong...
Is it possible that he thinks you are too involved in the baby.... like maybe the baby has replaced him in some way?
Was he in the room when the baby was born? Because some guys don't do too well with the visual aspect of child birth.
If the baby sleeps in the room with you, maybe he's afriad the baby will wake up.
Could be anything... it would help most if you could just calmly ask him if anything is wrong... don't threaten or accuse, or belittle him. Try something like -- "I know you work long days and are tired when you come home, but it makes me feel unwanted when you don't want to spend time with me...."
Good luck!

Answer 7

He doesn't want sex every night... What's the big deal? There's nothing wrong with either of you - some people want sex 3 times a day, others 3 times a month; these are just different preferences. Not everyone has exactly the same sex drive. I don't know why you expect him to be ready to have sex anytime you are - it shouldn't be a big deal if it doesn't happen this way. Back off a little. Even men want to rest sometimes, believe it or not.

Answer 8

You said you recently had a baby, or a 3 month old. Perhaps there are two things that are bothering him.

First he may not be attracted to you like he was before, especially if you have gained a few pounds.

Second he may be afraid of creating another baby.

Okay the second is less likely but the first is very likely.

Having been in the military prior, and working like that, I can tell you that after 12 hours a day your very tired. As for his days off, well I guess you better try harder.

Answer 9

I feel the same way sometimes with my boyfriend, whom I have lived with for a year. To be frank, we started off in the beggining like rabbits...at it allllll the time. Now he's more interested in his video games (he's 26!) or usually too tired from a hard day's work. I would initially say your husband is probably tired, but if he's 4 days on, 4 days off...that's kinda crazy. Maybe he should go to the dr and have a physical? We just learned that my boyfriend has diabetes, which can cause impotence and loss of "mood". Hate to bring up a scary thought like that...maybe it's not as serious, but you guys are newly weds man! :) Hope this helps, and good luck to you. lol...I never used to want it until he stopped wanting it! *sigh*

Answer 10

After getting divorced I hold a full time job and take care of house and kids. I know house work is way easier then Work work. I know that's gonna piss a few of you gals off, I offered more then once to trade with my wife. Let her work outside the house and I'd care for the kids. I got a big NO lol So for the question Give him a break Have morning sex on the days he's off. The more you push him the more he'll reject you. Good luck