The State of Marriage and Amount of Cheating and Divorce in America Is Extremely Sad! Isn't It?

Question

I'd be interested to read what people here at Yahoo Q & A think what components or dynamics are most common as to why the state of Happy Marriages in the U.S. is so bad.

I mean, to read these posts several times over the last few weeks are so Depressing and it seems (not that I din't believe it before) that too many people aren't prepared for marriage in this country, and then Divorce is such a easy way out, and yet we talk about being the greatest country in the world.

I believe that COMMUNICATION is the most important aspect and catalyst to the chances of a good relationship and marriage, yet it seems like this is the most common trait that is lacking in almost every post. People have the guts to get married, but, they don't have the guts to talk to eachother or even know how.

I'm just curious what people think the most common problem is relationships in this country is. One would think that the amount of cheating that is posted that morals don't even exist much anymore.

It should actually be the state of Marriages PERIOD! Not,.....the state of "Happy Marriages". Obviously the Happy Marriages are working.....for now.

Some GREAT Answers in here by most all of you. It will be hard to choose the best ANSWER from a few lengthy and thoughtful approaches.

It's just sad. Marriage that is. How it ends up, and how people act or fail to act under the guise of supposedly being one.

I personally wish every American was required to go through a marriage program prior to getting married, and that Divorce be hard to get and put a lot of those money grubbing Divorce Lawyers out of business from making money off the failures and digress of others. Besides they like to tear their client's "Ex" up before a court. It's very sad.

I also (IMHO) think that Adultery should be a crime in this country and that those that betray their marriage to another should be fined heavily and have some social sanctions made against them along with the outside party.

Answer 1

There are a lot of contributing factors to why marriages end. I talk about this all the time with the only 2 married friends I have left. All the others are divorced and the 3 of us that are left are always trying to make sure it never happens to us.

People get married too impulsively. People get married in Vegas drunk. People get married after dating for a few months, weeks or even days. I take a longer time to pick out a new purse then some people take to pick out a life partner. People meet on the internet and then run off and get married. It is insane.

People go into marriage thinking that if it does not work out they will get divorced. That makes absolutely no sense. You take vows infront of your friends, family and God and say to be with some one for the rest of your life. Does that not mean anything to anybody? Divorce should be an option if you are being beaten or cheated on or there are drugs or sex with farm animals. Not because someone gets boring or fat or you find someone better.

Everybody gives marriage a bad rap. If you grow up in an unhappy home or a broken home then you are going to have a negative view of marriage to start with. It would then carry over into your own marriage. Not to mention a lot of married people complain about marriage. And even more so, divorced people really rag on marriage. It is exhausting to listen to sometimes. I am happy in my marriage but my divorced friends can not see that - they can just remember their own pain. It is understandable but listening to that for a long time can give you negative feelings about marriage. Imagine being a child hearing that growing.

Media is destroying marriage. Paris Hilton has been engaged like 3 times to 2 different guys named Paris? Whatever! Brittany Spears gets drunk and married in Vegas and then divorced. Then she marries some white rapper and has 2 kids in 2 years then files for divorce and has a nervous breakdown and checks in and out of rehab. Elizabeth Taylor was married like 8 times. Tom Cruise divorced Nicole Kidman. Donald Trump has been divorced like twice. I could go on and on. Every celebrity and pro athlete I can think of has gotten divorced at least once. I mean when Brad Pitt divorced Jennifer Aniston to shack up with Angelina Jolie that said it all. Every magazine cover is about who divorced who to shack up with their new costar. And there are entire television stations dedicated to reporting this kind of news. The E network. I mean divorce is entertainment. That is sad. Divorce destroys families and people eat it up like the juiciest most important news in the world. I mean forget how many soldiers died in Iraq - did you hear that Reese Witherspoon filed for divorce. This is what American teens watch - so this is what they think is real. Do not even get me started on Soap Operas.

People get bored. People get bored with everything. They have to have new phones with new bells and whistles every year. New tv's that hang on the walls, new computers with the newest processor, new cars with the newest features. It is always something that people have to have. There seems to be no value in anything. Everything is dispensible, even their spouses.

The breakdown on the American Male - Men seem to be the butt of every joke. Like on every commercial they are portrayed as idiots. Look at the Simpsons, Family Guy, War at Home, Reba, ect.. they all portray men as incompetent fools. Every episode they do something stupid that the woman has to come along and fix. That is not realistic. Men are not really that stupid. So is that is our little girls are growing up thinking?

Hyper-feminism. Listen I am all for equal rights. But lets face it. Some of the ladies have taken it a little far. I am never going to get mad at a man for opening the door for me, but I have seen woman do that. I know that woman do not need to get married to be happy. But at the same time there are those ladies who have just not found the right man yet or thought they did and it did not work out. So they get bitter and start the yapping about how woman can do anything that a man can do - how woman do not need a man for anything, ect.. Well guess what there are some things that a man is needed for. One I will not mention. The other is to be a father. So these woman who are just mad at men in general are raising little girls to think that men are worthless. Well if they grow up thinking that men are worthless it is gonig to be pretty hard for a man to please them when they are married.

Answer 2

Divorce is not an easy way out. Ask anyone who has been there.

We make the decision to get married the first time when we are young. As if that isn't enough, we live in a society that does not value or support marriage and we live in such a fast paced society that you have to make decisions quickly. Couples both work, sometimes opposite shifts. Training and studying for hi-tech jobs or that next promotion, managing a household etc. takes so much time that there is little time for each other. Our neighborhoods are gone. When we had neighbors, they visited, they offered perspective and sometimes even a helping hand (or paint brush). Now its near impossible to get any support without paying a professional. There's the fact that we are all human and make mistakes, and in the whirlwind of activities small mistakes can add up quick and have big repercussions, especially when weighed in hurt feelings. Throw in a few setbacks, inlaws and financial burdens and its a recipe for disaster. Television makes it sound like marriage gives you a partner to take care of you...but the truth is, marriage gives you a partner that you take care of.... every decision and every movement is now doubled....the load isn't lightened.
I like the trickle down theory for marriage. Marriage is a triangle with you and your partner at the base. Whatever you put at the top of your priorities together trickles down into everything you do. For some, its kids, or a job or status. There was a time, that it was God. Thats the only thing that ever works...but we keep trying to race around and prove that something else will be just fine....it never it, but we keep at it anyhow....

Answer 3

Some times that little bun in the oven can't wait a year. I understand where you are coming from, but marriage seems to have flown the coop as it is, and just having a waiting period isn't going to help a marriage not break up. Besides, that is what the "engagement" is supposed to be for.

Answer 4

Well, I told my story on why my marriage did not work under the question of "why did you divorce...?" My husband was a lying, manipulative and controlling creep. He used our child as leverage to keep me under his thumb. I finally got fed up and split while he was at work (took child with me). He claims he has police looking for me, but everyone knows where I am. And besides, he has a felony warrant for his arrest (the main reason I left) so I doubt he knocked on any police dept doors once he realized I was gone. But I did try to communicate. I told him how I felt. His response was that it was all my fault and that I needed to "get over it" and that was was "over-reacting". He was blameless in the whole situation- even the warrant! "It's not my fault, it was the kid's fault!" So, yes I do agree that there are some very selfish people out there who move on to the next best thing once their marriage shows signs of trouble....but you cannot say that all of the U.S. divorces on whims. I am not yet divorced from my husband, there is no working out this relationship especially since he was so manipulative. He is aware that the papers will be coming soon.

Answer 5

It's not only sad, it's terrifying. If this is how bad things are now, how is it going to be in 20 years when our kids are ready to get married? This is what we're teaching them... that marriage is okay, but divorce is fine if you're not "satisfied" or "happy" in the marriage. I disagree with you about the biggest problem, though. I do think communication is one of the biggest keys to a marriage, but I think COMMITMENT is even more important. People need to enter a marriage understanding the vows that they are taking... "for better or WORSE, SICKNESS and health, til DEATH do us part". Most people are selfish... I'm not happy, I want something better, time to call a lawyer. He doesn't do dishes or doesn't pay enough attention to you? She doesn't want sex 9x a week or talks on the phone too much? Call the lawyer you programmed into speed dial before the ink was dry on your marriage certificate. Marriage, though it can be the most exciting, fulfilling, amazing experience in life, IS HARD WORK. People want instant gratification - if it doesn't feel good right away, why bother? People have a sense of entitlement - I deserve to be happy, I deserve to have my needs met, I deserve roses or back rubs, or whatever. Nope... wrong. Does your husband really deserve a nagging wife? Does your wife really deserve an insensitive husband? It's too easy to walk away and start over in most people's minds... they see no reason to fix things when there might be something better around the corner.
There are lots of other things that have contributed - lack of morals being one, not to mention lack of God in most modern marriages (spirituality, religion, whatever you want to call it). The blurring of gender roles has also helped the situation along. Most men want a WIFE - someone to nurture and care for them. They want to be the "leader" or wear the pants in the family, they want respect. Yet women want this magical hero man that doesn't exist. He has to be strong, yet sweet. Rough, yet gentle. Masculine, but not afraid to cry. Protective, but nurturing. A man cannot be all the things that women currently expect from them - not if he's going to keep his sanity and be true to himself. Marriages worked a lot better when there were clearly defined roles - men brought home the $, women kept the house. I know, women work now, and I'm not saying that men can't wash a dish or do a load of wash. I'm saying with all we're asking of them, they're really confused as to what we want.
Like I said, lots of contributions, but I think the biggest is lack of commitment, or lack of willing to work hard for something that you don't realize until your 25th anniversary was worth it.

Answer 6

If ever I heard the most correct use of the term here it was "morals don't exist much anymore." There you have it in a nutshell. Although allow me to give my opinion to that well timed statement. Regardless whether you are a christian or stake your belief in some other form of religion I think that we all can agree that each of us know, despite the skeptics that blames bad upbringing or lack there of, what is right and what is wrong. That can not be a matter of opinion... some have no conscience and don't care and they never will. Others do what is wrong even though they know it is when all they want to do is good. We were born into a sinful world, Paul describes this very well in Romans 7:14-25, in short he makes it clear that we all make mistakes daily, hourly, minute by minute. None are perfect. I commend those who have kept their sacred vows of matrimony and have not given in to the temptation, that is so very hard to resist to the point of shear madness it seems. But I do not believe for one moment there has not been at some point the thought of lust from each of us towards someone other than our mate. Jesus made it quite clear that if you so much as look upon a woman in a lustful way, you have already committed adultery.
That in no way makes it ok or in the knowing that you are forgiven by God's grace alone have a free pass to continue to cheat on your wife or husband. It happens all the time though. Or morals are almost non exsistent because in my opinion todays society says you should think about your own needs first. More and more marriages that are 20+ years are failing. Why is that? People change absolutely....things change....circumstances, etc. Guess what folks that is life in a nut shell. We experience that every single day of our lives, something happens we adjust. But now those words have become similiar to a corporate cache phrase like "win win situation", I hate that saying. It seems that if you don't like the situation just say "I've changed or it happened because sometimes people change." That to me is the biggest cop out I have ever heard a quitter use. The real issue is dealing with the truth. Most of us when confornted by the truth which says we were wrong in our actions and now must stand shamefully and admit that, cannot handle it....can you? ever ask yourself that? I was married 22 years to my highschool sweetheart, we had 5 beautiful, well mannered children. We lost two, one to a miscarriage another to a tubal pregnancy, which incidently was right before my youngest was born. I was diagnosed with Chorea a neurological disorder in May 2002. Had a very comfortable life prior to that. My wife put us into financial ruin, as she put it and said she had an opportunity to make it good if she went to work in Afghanistan for a few months. To this point no problems in the marriage, in fact I felt it was stronger than ever. March 2005 she told me it was over no reason...I found out she had been having an affair witha a married man from W Va. who was a reservist in the army there on active duty. I was left with all the bills, no support none what so ever, she wouldn't even write her own children emails back or call. She told me after arriving home and knew I was aware of the affair she was still having to date. The first thing I told her was it wasn't ok that it happened but "I forgive you." That was it. I had his number called him said I knew what happened and I forgive you please do not contact my wife again. When she found out she said she did not need my forgiveness because she was not sorry for what happened. I filed for divorce. Simply because she said there is nothing worth fighting for I have changed. That's where the morals of our society lie today. Communication has to be a two way street. As you can tell I love to talk... but not to hear myself speaking. Do not give up on your marriages people they are worth fighting for, remember why you said I do in the first place...remember all the little things you loved not the things that annoy you. And most of all remember lust is passing thing which can never take true loves place.

Answer 7

Its the state not just in America. Its everywhere in this world. There is so much cheating going on the world in marriages. Such high rates of STDs etc too.
There are no morals no integrity in people. Peoplea are not happy or satisfied for whatever reason and end up cheating.

You are right people dont know how to communicate bec they know the other one is not going to listen anyway.

I feel cheating is the common problem causing problem in relationship.

Answer 8

I totally agree. Been there done all of that that you posted, cheated, been cheated on, etc. There are very little morals and values in America today. We are a wasteful society. If life gets tough, we tend to take the easy way out...go have an affair. Like that fixes anything. Its frustrating, but I do believe there are a few rare faithful couples out there somewhere. My husband and I are trying to forgive each other of our infidelity, and hopefully this will be the last. cuz i know i wont do it to him again, and i wont let him do it to me again.

Answer 9

I completely agree with you. I think it is because the younger the generation, the more "me, me, me----instant gratification" it gets. Nobody wants to work for anything........The sad part is the things that require the most work usually bring the most pleasure. I think people get bored and lazy and look for the "easy" solution. But these are the same people who will also have trouble finding inner happiness.

Answer 10

It's partly because of the instant gratification culture in which we live, If things aren't going to go 100% your way, you'll bail and seek greener pastures. (Not you specifically, you understand)
It's also partly that divorce attorneys don't make money off happy marriages, and they're greedy parasites feeding off the misery of others.
And also, as you said, nobody is interested in working at it and making sacrifices and compromises. "I love you" seems to be code for "What can you do for me?" You're right. It is very sad indeed.