Should I give up on him?

Question

My fiancee' and I broke up a month ago we were three months away from our wedding day. He and I talk all the time and he asks me not to give up on him and swears one day we will be together as husband and wife. We were together for 5 years and I love him more than life its self. He is turning 40 in july and is working 80 hours a week. I am wondering if anyone thinks this is a case of cold feet or a mid-life crisis and if I should just give up and move on with my life. any help would be great

Answer 1

The fact that he is telling you not to give up on him tells me he has some issues he needs to sort out. If he was married before and it ended badly, then he would be having a lot of misgivings...he wants to do it right this time, he wants you to be his life-long partner....no mistakes this time...and I think it is very wise. You love him more than life itself, so, if thats the case, I guess you have no option but to wait for him. I believe we fall in love many times in our life, but there is the "one" who is meant to be. You both are old enough to know if you are meant to be together, and the fact that you are still in contact and he is still asking you to wait and swearing that the two of you will be together tells me he is sincere. I dont think I could give up on the man I loved more than life itself because my life would be so empty without him in it....give it some time...its obviously what he needs. These answerers that say at his age, etc etc, must be teenagers.....you both still have a lot of years ahead of you. At 40 you are just beginning the next most wonderful phase of your life journey. My life really started at 40....I know myself better than when I was in my 20s....I now know what trully makes me happy....I only guessed when I was in my 20s. He is a mature man and he is asking you to wait for good reasons. I dont know if I would wait for the next 20 years, but I would give it a bit more time to see where it is going to head.

I wish you both the very best...if he is prepared to wait, and sort out whatever issues he has to enable him to be the best possible husband he can be to you, then I would wait.....but maybe put a time limit on it. Ask him how long does he want you to wait for and if it is acceptable to you, then wait.....what else are you going to do....end it with him then pine for him?....you love him.... and he is giving you hope, so give him the time he needs, but also be realistic as well and dont wait for the next 10 years for him to make up his mind. Time is ticking by and only you know how long you can realistically wait for him....take care.

Answer 2

My best advice to you is to follow your heart here. Do you want to wait for him or do you want to move on with your life. I think if it were me i would give him up to a year of space and wait that long BUT if it went longer and there was no hope or change i would then let him go and move on with my life. He may be afraid of commiting just yet so it could very easily be cold feet. It also could be the mid life thing. Good luck to you and be patient for the time being BUT if it takes to long or you meet someone else then move on with your life. I also would ask him why the change of heart so fast after 5 years. Why all of a sudden does he want his so called space and time?

Answer 3

It all depends on how it unfolded. When it comes to questions like this, don't hastily reside on quick-answers like 'give up on it' or 'see how things go'. How did you two break up?

For 90% of the possible circumstances, I would say be prepared to move on, at least temporarily. Go out on a few dates, and tell him you're doing that. You have to be prepared to move on...

For the other 10%, it could mean run run run from him, or give him a chance.

All in all, I think you do know the answer if you asked yourself objectively as your own friend. But it's tough, isn't it?

Answer 4

Move on dont waste your life waiting on him it is not worth it. He is 40 by now he should know what he wants. I understand work and the strain & stress of it but its no excuse. Think about it wh y did he ask the ques and make a date he should have thought it out b4 making a commitment. He wants to keep u there for him while he"makes up his mind" Dont be on the back burner for him. By the sounds of it he doesnt deserve it. Many other men make time for a woman.Its all in what they want to do

Answer 5

At his age and after the amount of time you spent together, I'd have to say it probably won't happen for you two. If he's working 80 hours a week and giving you "somedays", I think he's showing where his priorities lie. I would at least take a break from him. You might find that the attachment is more a fear of change and/or being alone. You deserve someone who can commit to you. Breaking up is never easy and you will likely always have some fond feelings for him, but I think you owe yourself a break. Good luck!

Answer 6

Well we need to know why you broke up... it is clear he works to much and that's got to be an issue.. Only you know how you feel about him and if it is worth waiting for or if you have had enough.. You need to weigh out the good and bad why you should stay or why you should go and then give everything point values whichever adds up the most points will give you an answer.. Good Luck

Answer 7

Is it just because he is working 80 hours a week? I work in a company where the guys work that much, and you know what? the divorce rate is out of this world. Maybe he is saying you from a divorce later!

Answer 8

Tough call, without knowing his past marital history I would like to assume he is trying to do the right thing and take on hill at a time. Its apparent he works twice as much as the regular working man. He may fear he wouldn't be able to devote as much time as he knows it will take in order for a marriage to work out. He seems like a level headed guy trying to satisfy his working needs for the time being and hopefully make the time to settle down and continue his relations with you in the future. I'd ask myself "How likely is it he really doesn't love me?" and "How much do I love him?" Elaborate on those answers and surely more questions and answers will spawn and hopefully lead the way to your conclusion.

Answer 9

Honey, when a man really wants something it takes a nano second for him to make up his mind and act on it. After 5 years, give yourself a break and move on to someone who respects you enough to not make you wait. Don't waste another second.

Answer 10

It does sound like a midlife crisis - it's common at that age. He sounds stressed. My husband had a midlife crisis at 41 and moved out for a short time. He came back and we are rebuilding our lives together. Good luck.