I've been dating a nice guy for a few months. It bothers me that he doesn't wash his hands or shower enough, and his house is gross.
Also, oddly he doesn't seem to know a lot of basic things about women and a lot of society's general things. He's been married twice; how could he not know these things?He has a master's degree.
His apartment was messy,nasty bathroom, but he had a roommate and people say 'Oh, guys bathrooms are like that' so I let it go.
He showers daily,but is often outside at work and dirty.Then comes over, but doesn't shower. I always freshen up before I see him.
I recently saw him not wash his hands after going to the bathroom! Now I don't want him to touch me. I mentioned it, and he does it a bit more, but like it's new to him!
His house-Oh my Gosh! I quietly freaked out.Yeah it's in the country, but 100's of bugs inside, cobwebs, inches of dust and dog hair. White couch gone brown. Toilet, kitchen beyond scary. He's 43. You can't change someone can you?
2007-03-07 11:27:13 · 14 answers · asked by Marie123 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
If this was just a case of a guy leaving his dirty socks and old issues of sporting magazines laying around, I'd say you had a chance at changing him. What you describe though is way beyond poor housekeeping IMO. He may have been married twice, but he was also divorced twice! I'm thinking that he may have some kind of mental illness that you are not aware of yet and maybe he's not even aware of it. It would be interesting to hear his ex-wives' side of the story. At any rate, it's never a good idea to enter into a relationship with the thought of changing the other person ... mainly because it almost never works.
2007-03-07 19:37:06 · answer #1 · answered by Emily Dew 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
To learn something such as a specific learning- as to get a Masters Degree- does NOT necessairly mean intelligent.
Indeed, you could in theory train a parrot to answer the tests quesitons, and could pass all the classes.
What you're dealing with is emotional intelligence- and thats a far different, more primitive part of the brain.
It also doesn't help that mens brains are wired to be some 15% less emotional than women are.
Have you gently hinted that this may not be a healthy enviroment? Have you tried to gently discuss that personal hygine is kind of important? Have you discretely asked details about his ex wifes- and have you talked with them?
They might be able to provide helpfull insights- good luck!
2007-03-07 19:35:13 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No, you can not change someones habit over night. If he was a bachelor for this long, it would be difficult to change him. However, you can suggest you do love him but do not like the unclean environment he thrives in and ask him to invest in a maid to clean his home. Because most guys can handle gross better then a girl.
2007-03-07 19:31:53 · answer #3 · answered by Fox_America 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
deane,
I always advise that it's an act of utter futility to try and 'fix' a person to ones liking...especially in a romantic relationship.
A persons hygiene habits, no matter the economic conditions or education level tells me much about the person. This person seems to lack any pride in his being whatsoever.
Unless you are in the position to accept this person as he is and to subject yourself to his level of cleanliness and hygiene, I would say that, though he may have a good heart, there are enough points of contention here to wash your hands (intended) of this relationship.
All the best...
2007-03-07 19:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Wolfsburgh 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
LOL. Do not equate intelligence with common sense...
Often, the most brilliant of people do not care about hygiene. I cannot explain it. Their minds are elsewhere...thus, he knows little about society or women in general, and has a dirty home...
You are correct however - you cannot change anyone. A person only changes when they need to change for themselves. So, if you truly like this man, tell him how you feel about the hygiene issues, and tell him that you do not feel comfortable being in his home. If he values your relationship, then he will have a reason to change himself - to keep you in his life.
2007-03-07 19:33:25 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Married twice and neither ex-wife noticed this? I think you probably could assist him in changing his habits but it would be a long road requiring plenty of patience. Do you like him enough to want to do this?
2007-03-07 20:13:18 · answer #6 · answered by Kble 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I'd just tell him flat out. Most of the time it guys don't get their feelings hurt. And if he still doesn't do it why don't you try not showering for a few days and being messy, maybe he'll relieze how it feels.
2007-03-07 19:32:57 · answer #7 · answered by TDAdancer 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why are you even asking about this? The answer is clear...DUMP HIM! He will not change. Be glad you discovered the reason he is twice divorced before yhou married him yourself.
2007-03-07 19:37:15 · answer #8 · answered by Russell C 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he's that old and still doing that, resign yourself to smelling him and cleaning up after him, or ditch him. He's not going to change this late in the game.
2007-03-07 19:31:19 · answer #9 · answered by spunk113 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋