Stone Step Stairs
The leaves are falling from their tree
The sun has gone and it’s hard to see
The wind has finally caught up to me
These angels are now circling down on me
They say it’s better if I closed my eyes
I know they wouldn’t tell me any lies
So I ask them why were they here
They point to the golden gate and disappear
I make my way to the gate only to find it locked
I try to break in but everything is blocked
This can’t be how it’s suppose to be
The angles never gave me the golden key
I tell myself to hold strong as I fight my tears
There is nowhere to go now but down the stone step stairs
I make my way to the bottom only to come face to face eye to eye
With my innermost darkest demon waiting for me inside
rate out of ten and feedbacks are welcome!
2007-03-07 11:26:53 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Polls & Surveys
6/10. Make it flow better and don't force the rhymes so much. This will improve your poem greatly. Keep trying.
2007-03-07 11:35:20 · answer #1 · answered by Ændru 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Right now about a "4".
With a little refinement you could have something.
You have a little to much detail...i.e.....use to many words in discription which breaks the rythem of the verse.
The fourth verse noes not fit or flow within itself let alone the rest of your verse.
Trim and clean it up and you could have something.
2007-03-07 19:42:38 · answer #2 · answered by huntnyou 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
110
2007-03-07 19:29:37 · answer #3 · answered by Furious with America 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I like it, 7/10
2007-03-07 19:31:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
10!
2007-03-07 19:30:29 · answer #5 · answered by Moses 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Very emotional, 9/10
2007-03-07 19:30:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
0
This is a pretty basic poem with a pretty basic rhyme scheme. If you mean for this to be a song, Id rethink your inpirations, because this is just a bunch of meaningless words.
2007-03-07 19:35:51 · answer #7 · answered by אילנה 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
ona scare from 1-4 - 3
2007-03-07 19:31:19 · answer #8 · answered by ~*Kathryn*~ 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i think that you put forth good effort but the rhyming is a little cheesy.
sorry i'm going to have to be SiMON and give you a 1.
2007-03-07 19:32:16 · answer #9 · answered by ™connie (: 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow! its really good!
my only suggestion is that some of the syllables are off throughout the poem...if you fix that, it'll be a smoother for the reader...otherwise, its really awesome...i give it an 8.
2007-03-07 19:31:00 · answer #10 · answered by Shelly19 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋