so weve just found out im pregnant and im not sure what to do?

Question

we have just found out im 4 weeks pregnant and niether me or my partner feel ready for a baby. we have discussed the pros and cons. we always knew that if we were to have a baby, we would want it to be brought up in a stable home with everything it could need. my partner wants to be there everynight the child comes home from school, be able to wathc them grow up. none of this is possible. he wants me to have an abortion as this seems the best option for us, and i agree but i do not feel as if i could go through with it and live with the regrets. does anyone have any useful advice?
by the way we have been using two forms of contraception.the pill and condoms, so we cant understand how i got pregnant

to answer bullwinkles questions - im 18, at university, and hes a supply teacher so we dont have an income, just whatever he earns, he doesnt know were his next pay packet is coming from (please dont say go get a proper job because all he wants to do is teach and there is no teaching jobs available) i live in halls of residence and he lives an hour away from me. my friends have different views, some say to keep it some say to abort it. im not religious and dont think we will marry anytime soon. hope this helps

Answer 1

Only YOU can decide what to do as you are the one carrying the baby. i am 7 weeks pregnant, but I am 35 years old and only NOW am I in the right situation to have a child. I know many women your age who have had babies, some coped, some didn't.

The best thing for you to do is talk to someone as the British Pregnancy Advisory Service (if you are in UK) www.bpas.org or 0870 365 50 50. They have professionals there who you can discuss this with. It is a very hard decision to make and one that you will have to live with. Don't feel pressured either way by anyone else.

If you don't feel you can go through with abortion then there is always adoption.

Please don't listen to scaremongers who will tell you abortion is murder, if it was it wouldn't be legal would it. No one has the right to force ANY opinion on you.

Go and talk to someone NOW, and I wish you all the very best, whatever you decide.

Answer 2

This is a tough call because ultimately this is your decision and there are no easy options here.

Having the baby - Having a baby will be difficult and challenging. If your partner is not on board now, he may not come around. But then again, he might. Still, when you make the decision, understand that you may end up raising the child on your own. But waiting for the perfect time may not be realistic either - sometimes there is no perfect time. However, at 18, I would say this is far from an ideal time. You will lose out on doing many of the things that most twenty-year olds do. Your entire life will change and although I am sure that you are mature, being a mother at 18 will be difficult.

Adoption - It's very easy for people on here to scream adopt! But that could be very difficult for you. You will carry the baby to term - your family and friends and co-workers will know you are pregnant and will ask what your plans are. Strangers will congratulate you as you buy maternity clothing. It will almost certainly put a strain on your relationship. You may find yourself attached and unable to give up the child, but unprepared to raise it. In some ways, this is the most difficult option of all.

Abortion - I agree that at four weeks, an embryo is really not human in the way that we are, and at this early stage, an abortion is very low-risk. So the time to make that decision is now. But be prepared that you may mourn this loss. And a decision made because you are pressured by your partner may lead you to resent him.

I think you should try to find a free counsellor to talk to. I would go to Planned Parenthood and talk to someone there, since they can give you unbiased advice. Avoid places that pretend to be women's resource centres but are really pro-life. Check out the PP website at http://www.plannedparenthood.org/ or if you are not in North America see http://www.ippf.org/en/

Answer 3

Well maybe it was meant for you to have that baby. God doesn't give us more than what we can handle.

You are better off giving it up for adoption to someone who would give anything in the world to have a baby.

Who is really ever ready to have a baby? You can never be truly ready. And they don't come with instructions.

I tried for years to get pregnant and thought I was never gonna have a child, when I finally got pregnant it was the happiest day of my life. I am pregnant with my second child now, and didn't try or plan it (7 years later) My partner left me and I am not ready, but I could never imagine killing my unborn child no matter what. Guys come and go your child will always be there and love you no matter what.

You can also damage your body by doing this and never be able to concieve again, then you'll really regret it.

Whether you think you are ready or not, God obviously thinks you are. Don't let someone else make a decision like that for you. It's different when your a women, something guys will never understand. If it's gonna affect your relationship with your partner, well then it's his loss not yours.

I'm a proud parent doing it on my own, as far as I'm concerned it has made me a stronger person. Like I said "God doesn't give you more than what you can handle".

Please don't have a abortion, talk to a perfessional first about adoption before you make the wrong decision!!!!!

Good luck!

Answer 4

Several years ago my girlfriend at that time (wife today) became pregnant, she was 18 and me 20 at the time, she was in college and I had a bulls@it job, living in New York City (it don’t get much harder or expensive then this) We knew it would be hard as hell but the thought of abortion or even adoption never crossed our minds. We have a beautiful baby boy (almost 4 now) and things always worked out for us and thank God he has everything and more then he can possibly need. When he was about 2 years old I became sick and was diagnosed with cancer and due to all the treatments I received I can no longer procreate. We’re very happy with the decision we took back then.

I’m not going to give my opinion as I’m sure you already made up your mind. Good luck and I wish you both the best.

Answer 5

I would just say make sure that if you have an abortion that this is your decision and it is something that you can live with for the rest of your life. I know two people that have had them and both of them regret it. One is in her late 40's and never ended up having any other children and now wishes so bad that she would have kept that baby. Why don't you consider adoption. I am a former fertility patient and this really strikes a nerve with me. I did everything in my power to have a baby and spent thousands of dollars. There are so many couples out there that would love to have your baby and give it the home that you cannot. Think about it before you make a hasty decision that you may regret later in life.

Answer 6

You are 4 week pregnant, that child is already growing inside you,he is part of you. I know sometimes we think its not the right time and make the wrong desicions because of it ...but like you say you will regret not having this baby...if he cant be there for the child ..well ..you can be there for the baby. To me seems like you want this child.

From my personal experience, when i found out i was pregnant i was 4 weeks also and as soon i found out i didnt know what to do and was even afraid to have a baby because i wasnt ready. My partner wanted kids for the longest and was scared to death we wouldnt meet the expectations to raise a child.. i was in college and he was the only one working. We did have our own apt either. But we got support from our loved ones and we came out through sucessfully.

I child is the best experience a women can have ,i felt complete when i became a mom,and having the support of my husband was wonderful. My child is now almost 4 years old and we have been in ups and downs but we have survived.

If i were you i would have the baby, i know deep inside you seem you want it!

Answer 7

prehaps adoption is a good option for you? i can understand how you feel, when i found i was pregnant i was so sure i couldn't give the baby everything she deserves as i was too young blah blah blah. and i agree wiv u, i culdnt' have an abortion, could deal with the guilt n i seriously looked into having my baby adopted. mind now i feel guilty about thinking of giving her away but still...cnt win.
why don't you try talking to some adoption agencies? it might help you decide what to do, and if you do decide to have the baby adopted it'd set your mind at ease if you know the process already. just be prepared that it may be really hard to give birth, n then have to hand the baby over. i'm 7 months pregnant at the moment and i know i couldn't do it, i love my baby too much already and i've seen her twice!! (scans...)

lol, at least u used protection!! me n my ex didn't n when i said i'm pregnant he turned round and said "but how?!?!?!" felt like giving him a biology lesson...

Answer 8

personnally i would never have an abortion as this can affect your chances of having a baby later on in life.

talk to your university im sure they can help you as in saying what could happen e.g. to take a year out or what support they can offer- child care etc. there are a lot of flexible hours out there so your bf could get a job which allows him to do his supply teaching when he is asked to.

really think about it though because you will have an sbortion on your mind for the rest of your life.

Answer 9

If you're smart, you'll both realize what a miraculous gift you were given and step up to the plate and be good parents. But just because the two of you aren't ready to be parents is no reason to deny that child the right to a happy life. There are millions of couples out there who are MORE than ready to be loving parents. Abortion, in this case would be a very selfish act.
Either way, Adoption or Abortion, it will hang heavy on your heart for the rest of your life.

Answer 10

Your decision will affect the life of a person that did not ask to be born. The bottom line will be what the life is that you can provide for a child. You know you can have the child and let it be adopted out. That is also an option. Pregnancy is hard, difficult and you must have the childs health during this time as the most important thing. It's not easy, but you can do it if you are sincere. You can't drink, smoke use drugs. You'll need normal pregnancy care and vitamins with a good diet.