What to do about my kids stepmom trying to compete with me?

Answer 1

Girl, I could write a book about this issue! I absolutely agree with Violet Pearl - view it as insecurity and pity her. My ex-husband and I have an 11 year old son together. We have been divorced for almost 7 years. I have re-married and so has he, which means our 11 year old has a step-mom. It was alot worse in the beginning, but over time, it has gotten a little bit better. My ex and I each have 50% custody of our son, so he is with his Dad every other week-end, plus a couple of days during the week, which means that my ex and I are communicating on an almost daily basis, if not every other day or so, regarding our son. His step-mom hated this and was very jealous and insecure in the beginning. But like I said, it does get better with time. I just refused to compete with her, and when she saw that there was no competition (and when she finally got it through her head that I did NOT want my ex-husband back), she started to back off a bit. Also, hard as it might be (and believe me, I know from biting my tongue several times!), do not make any comments when your kids come home and say that their step-mom said or did this or that. If you do, it gives merit to what she is saying and doing. Best of luck to you, it is a very tough thing to deal with.

Answer 2

She will never compare. You are their mother. All you can do is be the best mother you can be, really connect with your kids. You have to do what is in the best interest of the child, which is try to get along with her for as far as it depends upon you. Instead of feeling threatened, start thinking about how well she is treating your kids. If you really want to see her jaw hit the floor, say "that was so thoughtful what you did for the kids, thank you, I appreciate how much you care for them". If she really is trying to make you jealous, she will see that you are oblivious to her even being a threat for competition. If she is trying to make you jealous, the best thing to do is act like you don't even notice. If you change your view and stop viewing as competition you will being helping your children adjust and cope. Hang in there. Changing your perception / viewpoint can make all the difference.

Answer 3

Is she competing with you? or Are you competing with her? Either way, you should see it as if she is being good to them and the kids are not being unrespectful towards you, then don't worry. Make sure you tell your kids how it is at your house!! and you won't tolerate any broken rules! Also, talk to the kids dad and tell him what is really bothering you. It did work for me! Good luck.

Answer 4

kids stepmom compete

Answer 5

She is doing so because she needs to prove her worth. If your children live with you, I wouldn't worry because you will be number one in their eyes regardless what she does. Now, if her competing is causing problems between you and your children, you must talk to her about it. Hopefully she will calm down. If not, focus on the kids and let her be immature. She's also probably trying to "win points" with the kids father and find you threatening.

Answer 6

You will always be there mum and she never...
Just be you and if she gets to out of control nicely but firmly let her know. You can not buy kids love and she will soon learn when she can't afford to do something one day and the childrens most common response will be "I hate you, or naturally chuck a tantrum,
At the end of the day they will always come home to you and want there mum.

Answer 7

Are you sure that she is competing with you or just for your children's acceptance. Step parents are not usually trying to STEAL the children away, they are usually just looking for acceptance. Do not be afraid, eventhough she may never be a friend of yours, that does not necessarily mean that she is evil! She is just trying to be part of the family. Well, she is part of the family, even if she is an unwanted part.

Answer 8

Well, answer me this? What is she doing exactly to make you think she is competeing w/ you? I am a mother myself, plus a step/mom my husband has custody of his 2 boys and he and i have been raising them for the last 5 years... for the first five she gave us nothing but hell all because she didnt want them to have a step-mom(i guess) and treated me like dirt and used the boys as pawns..and then one day she called crying to me (of all people) saying how hard it was and she just cant do it.. And signed them over to us.. And now her attitude is completely different, because she sees i treat the boys like my own. it is not easy being the step-mom, and it is not easy being a blended family..Put yourself in her shoes how are you going to want your future spouse treated by your kids and your ex-spouse? and what if your future spouse has kids to his ex? Always remember this; YOU are their real mom I dont care if she bought them all the things their hearts desire, YOU are their mom, she can not ever take your place, just like my step sons, They love me they show me everyday but even w/ that i am not their birth mother.. so dont worry sweetie, She is probably just trying to be good to them in general, wanting them to like her.. they should feel as though they are benefiting from this, just extra love, attention, and presents on holidays and birthdays..

Answer 9

From experience I can say not to worry about it. I have a step mom and she tries to win my love with money gifts and other things. Although as a teenager no matter what my step mom does won't steer me away from my mom. She was there from the beginning and will be there till i move out. Every child has one mother and they will always love her most. No question about it.

Answer 10

Stop being so petty. She is the stepmom and as such she might be having problems with the kids so she tries to over compensate. You are their mother so there really is no competition.