My husband hasn't spoken to me since Friday (4 days ago), what should I do?

Question

We went out to dinner with another couple (one of his best friends) on Friday. I probably had a little too much to drink and the subject turned to b js somewhere along the line (just funny stuff). I didn't think too much about it, but on the way home he wouldn't talk to me. When we got home he got all mad accusing me of being attracted to his friend (I'm not), and saying that this happens everytime we are together (it did happen only one other time).

I am very upset over this kind of treatment, and its his usual behavior to give me the silent treatment, but I resent the lack of respect. I even called his friend to apologise for my behavior, but he didn't even know what I was talking about, and just said not to worry about it. It has been 4 days now so I want advice. He won't go to any kind of counceling (I've tried), and I just am so mad.

So what's the solution? Divorce? Do I move out? Or does someone have words of wisdom? Thanks to all who took the time to read this.

Thanks for the comments...just so you know, I did try talking to him about it and I tried making him a nice dinner. The problem is that none of this is working.

Answer 1

Only consider divorce if he is doing something that is worth ending the marriage for. This is something only you can answer. His silent treatment is just a way to make you feel bad for something he perceived was wrong, but since the friend disagrees it sounds like its just one of his pet peeves. In the future you might choose not to do that again since it bothers him so much, but he also should respect you more (4 hours of no talking might be enough to make his point). But you probably went to bed and instead he probably should have worked it out right then.

Remember Phyllis Dyler's advice: "Never go to bed mad, stay up and fight!"

Answer 2

Try now that it has been a few days to talk to him. Don't accuse him of anything as far as ignoring you. He must have been really hurt. I think you need to make the first move to say you are sorry and try to move on. He probably needed time to cool off. Maybe you should not drink when you go out with your husbands friends or you should know you are not going to drink too much. Maybe your husband is jealous that you were talking to someone about something he believes is very private. Divorce is not a solution for small problems it is only a solution when you have tried everything. Four days is not long enough to think you should end it unless you are just looking for an excuse.

Answer 3

Not knowing the complete history of what your marriage has been like I can only give an opinion on what you have stated. Your husband appears to have some kind of trust issue with you. You will need to sit down with him and tell him if you two don't have trust then you don't have a marriage. If their has been infidelity in the past that's another story. Trust is a very fragile thing that if broken is hard to ever regain. As far as counseling, if there are other issues besides this recent dinner then it is amounting to something that is building up inside him that he is not willing to try and fix. I have found in two marriages I have experienced that the silent treatment ends things in divorce because communication is the only way issues get resolved(first marriage). In my second marriage we knew to talk things through before any small diasgreement would get blown out of proportion. If you don't talk - nothing happens. It will be like living in a house with a complete stranger for the rest of your life. I would try one last time to talk(not scream and accuse) and if you cannot, it's time to look into living separate lives. There is more to life than constant battle and getting cold shoulders. Marriage was meant to be a joyous union of loving, sharing, compassion, honesty, trust, and undying commitment to each other. You can't have that if you can't talk to each other. In marriage you will still disagree, but you handle it by re-affirming how you feel about each other and you learn the art of compromise and communication. Good Luck.

Answer 4

ok let me start off by saying this I agree a little w/ everyone all of them have a point or 2, And whatever i say it is not meant to offend you or anyone else so remember that! But like what the one guy said we do not know the history of your relationship... I mean definately he was jealouse over this, but why would he be jealous of it thinking you have the hots for his friend? Have you ever in ANYWAY been unfaithful? we do not know! or has he ever been unfaithful to you? and now worried it is going to bite him on his bum! Or is he just in general jealouse? You said this happend b4 so you would think you wouldnt have done it again or that he would have learned a lesson the last time to not act like a damn baby.. So since it could be sooooooo many tings behind all this, what i would do seeing how he wants to be a child sit down and write him a note leave it somewhere you know he will see it tell him baby, i love you i am sorry fir what i did wrong i hope you can forgive me, i also wish u would see and understand that i love you and only you and i only want you and only you. i dont kow how else to say this to you, But you also need to realize that this silent treatment bulls*** just isnt working for me you need to be an adult and talk about this...So when you are ready to talk to me i will be(where ever u chose to go) call me! let him know you are not going to wait for 4 more days either till he is finished w/ his little tantrum... OR you can be in your room waiting for him and when he walks in there grab him throw his *** on the bed and rape him and during all that you look at him and say i will not be ignored! LMAO! but really i am being serious there, i dont see how he would say no to that.. Now my last thought thought remember what i said @ the begining of my 1 hour long speech? I feel as though a woman should never be discussing things like that in public or around other guys but her man unless everyone else w/ you and your huband were women and not men... I will talk about that stuff w/ other females but not other guys, Just my opinion..

Answer 5

You probably have to think over your whole relationship with him, but as far as the silent treatment, he is trying to control you and he probably likes the effect he has on you.

You are obviously an outgoing social person, by being silent to you he is stealing from you something you treasure. He is doing it to get your attention, make you suffer and control you.

Now, what to do about it? if he was not your husband, you would just ignore him, the same thing you do with the bully at school that is teasing you for attention. But since he is your husband, you have a bigger problem here. Is there any family member that could make him see that he needs to grow up? His parents? a brother or sister? a trusted friend?

By the way, by giving him a nice dinner you just rewarded his tantrum, and like a toddler, he learned how to make you be nice to him.

Answer 6

And thanks to you for asking for advice! Now, you are obviously an outgoing person. This is why your husband's silence torments you and he knows this. Your only defense is to act as though it no longer works on you. You will have to summon the power to remain silent with him just as he does to you. If you need to talk to someone there is always the phone. If you can remain strong it will break his silence and then you can promise yourself to be more careful around that friend of his in the future. Your husband feels very threatened by his friend and you should be careful, knowing it bothers him.

Answer 7

Yeah that's it. Move out and get divorced because you're husband is embarassed by your behavior while you were out with friends and hasn't talked to you in four days! GET A FRIGGIN CLUE. Have you tried apologizing to your husband? Told him you're sorry for having one too many while out to dinner with friends, and that if you said something that he felt was inappropriate that you're sorry? It doesn't matter if anybody else was offended by what you said while drunk. The bottom line is that your husband was. And his opinion is the only one that should matter. My advice is to grow up, say you're sorry, and limit your drinking the next time you're out with friends. Clearly you can't be trusted to behave yourself.

Answer 8

He probably feels embrassed do think about throwing in the towel so soon. It was a simple mistake. Start by trying to get back on his good side (ex. Cook his favorite meal by candlelight). This will let him know that you are trying to do right by the problem. See men pout and they want you to acknowledge it. You make the first move because obviously he thinks you wronged him. Suck that pride up and do it.

Answer 9

I think he is the jealous type, good thing he doesnt have a violent temper, he is quiet about it.
Maybe he felt his friend was trying to move in on you somehow.
The best thing to do is to make passionate love to him and tell him lets act mature about all this and stop acting like children.
You dont need counceling, you need to just grow up and mellow out some.
Dont go out with friends you dont trust either.
If you are attracted to his friend, you need to leave your hubby and hook up with this guy or just let it all blow over.

Answer 10

Drew and Bob are *****! they should be giving you some credit too. Your man has no right to not talk to you for 4 days. hes the one that needs to grow up. I've done some stupid **** when I've been out with my partner and and his mates on the drink and hes been pissed at me but not for 4 days. Just say sorry babe and things will end up working out for the best. even if it is with divorce or not it will work out for the best. look at things on a positive side ok.