There was an outrage last night between The Royals and The Guardians. This outrage took the life of Andy 16 who was stabbed by the Guardians due to being a Royal. Andy 16 was stabbed about 10 minutes ago. The knife had entered just below his rib cage and had been drawn across his body violently, tearing a wide gap in his flesh. As he lay in pain on the sidewalk with the rain drilling his jacket, body and washing away the blood being poured from his wide open wound. Andy was ambushed right beside the alley of Joe’s Convenience where he had gone to buy a pack of cigarettes. Andy was found by Peel Regional Police at about 11:30 pm Sunday. The police found Andy 16 bleeding and rushed him to Sunny Brook Hospital, where he died. As doctors on call were trying very hard to save the life of Andy but Andy had died due to a blood shortage. Peel Regional Police are now searching very hard to find the people who stabbed Andy. Peel Regional Police have found 1 person who will remain in jail for the rest of his life. Andy will be buried this Monday in Pine Oaks Cemetery located just off Lake Shore Blvd. He will be buried at about 10:30 am.
2007-03-07 11:05:21 · 1 answers · asked by Anonymous in Education & Reference ➔ Homework Help
Dear Algerian, just a few changes, you did very well. I hope this isn't about someone you knew, my condolences if it was.
I'd put an and between jacket, body
I'd change it to:; , washing away the blood from his wide open wound
The police found Andy; 16 years of age, bleeding
Andy died due to blood shortage, maybe change due to blood loss
and your very last sentence, I would change it to : his internment service will start at 10:30.....Good luck!
2007-03-07 11:25:10 · answer #1 · answered by Lynn M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋