i don't think he wants her back as he left her and she would take him back in a heart beat.they do share a young child together so this maybe part of it. he tells me all the time how awful and controlling she was to him thats why he left but he still allows her to call the shots.why?its like thier still married just not living together and i'm the 3rd wheel.he seems more conserned about what she thinks/feels than me.
2007-03-07 10:49:21 · 14 answers · asked by heather76jok 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
they have joint custody together so she can't threaten to take his son away.hes not afraid of that
2007-03-07 10:52:10 · update #1
Sorry honey....I'm not the best person to be answering this really.....I've sat here thinking of all the options as to why he takes her side....but can't come up with a logical reason.....I wouldn't be taking this crap one bit I'm afraid.....he'd have to choose...it's me or it's her.....afterall he's already got joint custody so not like he's got to keep her sweet or anything.....
You know what? it just occured to me, as she like controlled him maybe she still has a certain amount of control.....that doesn't mean he still loves her or anything. it's a kinda fear....a fear that's irrational & can't be put into words....it may be a good idea you know to get him to commit to some kind of couple counselling so he can get help to break free from this apparent hold she has on him & you can get help as to the best way to help & support him.....but I don't think the hold has anything to do with loving her........Good luck honey....maybe I wouldn't be giving up so easily afterall if I were you.......
2007-03-07 11:20:06 · answer #1 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe they still have feelings for eachother. But a relationship doesn't work for them. They do have alot of baggage together. And is it not better for them to be friends for the childs sake? Rather than fighting around it all the time? Maybe he let's her call the shots with the kid because I am guessing the child lives with her most of the time. Get used to this, or get out of the relationship. You knew he came with baggage when you agreed to be engaged. And he obviously loves you if he proposed. Talk to him about your feelings geez.
2007-03-07 18:54:40 · answer #2 · answered by Mandy B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well if there is no threat about seeing the child, can't seem to understand why he takes her side on it. maybe u need to confront him, tell him how u feel, and maybe reevaluate this relationship, because if your going to have to endure this the entire time u may not want to marry this man. he must still be in love with her, but if he is not standing up to her theres a problem and u need to find out just what it is before u marry this guy, cause its not normal.
2007-03-07 18:58:07 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said it "it's like they are still married". You need to move on, marrying this guy is not going to make it any better. This dude has too much baggage, and is not cutting loose of the ex properly. I get the visitation issue, but apparently, he is unable to establish a *new* relationship with you, perhaps it is too soon for him, whatever, you should get out of that picture, it does not have a happy ending for you. I am sorry
2007-03-07 18:56:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is exactly what is happening with me...I don't even know anymore waht to tell people like you and I because I love him to the end of the earth but, it just doesn't feel good to have this feeling of betrayal or to feel like you are somewhere out in left field. I can only offer my hope for you and that you can find what it is that YOU need. When you do, let me know because I am in the same situation.
2007-03-07 18:59:00 · answer #5 · answered by LaRae 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't marry him until he gets a grip on this, or else the ex will always play this role in YOUR marriage. Give him some time to develop a backbone, and try to have some understanding that some of this is because of the little kid....Good Luck.
2007-03-07 18:58:59 · answer #6 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does this happen all the time and on what subjects?
He may just be doing it out of habit or they may just have the same opinions on certain topics. I mean they must have agreed on somethings and had things in common or else they wouldn't have gotten married. Have you tried asking him what he would think if he never heard his exes opinion or why he thinks she is right? It may just be that it makes sense to him.
2007-03-07 19:06:47 · answer #7 · answered by C T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His prime responsibility will ALWAYS be to his first wife and family. You have to realize this, regardless of even if he complains about her. You are not going to come first in his life - because you are coming in on the second chapter of his life. If you are prepared to handle this, go on and marry him. If not, get out now. However, if you stay your attitude has to change and you have to become much more positive about the situation.
2007-03-07 19:14:57 · answer #8 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to confront him and of things don't change, you need to decide if you can continue to live like this. If not, then maybe it is time to end the relationship. You should be first, ALWAYS!
2007-03-07 18:52:23 · answer #9 · answered by Tracie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to talk about this with him. It sounds so lonely and sad to me. I could not put up with all that. If you don't have any children yet, then re-evaluate this relationship before it is too late and you are stuck with him. He would not be enough for me.
2007-03-07 18:55:40 · answer #10 · answered by Pamela 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋