How to find out?

Question

This is probably the question every married couple asks , but I have the feeling my husband is cheating on me.One of my reasons is his behavior sometimes he wants me and sometimes he doesn't even want me to touch him.Then there's this thing I have cheated on him and yes he knows we worked it out, but before he knew and when I felt he was about to find out I would reassure him and he'd believe me, now when I confront him with my suspisions he pratically says the things I used to say to him.Also my best friend believes he is although she has no proof , based on what I tell her. He's home every weekend and goes out with me and our children, he calls and I call him, he brings home his uncashed check and I can easily verfiy the hours, but still I can't help feeling this way, I know it's only destroying our marriage , and he's denied it all.I just need to know if there's a way to prove my suspicions.

Answer 1

You're probably not going to like this answer but you need to know the truth. You cheated on your husband. Statistically wives don't cheat on their husbands nearly as much as husbands cheat on their wives. Men cheat mainly for sex, which doesn't mean anything. His mistress probably knows he's married, and the married man never seriously considers her to be wife material so he never develops feelings for her. Women, on the other hand, cheat for everything BUT sex (not all the time, but most of the time). Women cheat on an emotional level and more than likely they develop strong feelings for the man they're cheating with. However, your husband isn't thinking about that. He's thinking of another man having sex with you over and over again and it's killing him. The ONLY reason he acts like he wants you is because he's horny...point blank. But when he's not horny he doesn't want you to so much as TOUCH him, it's because he knows you've willingly let another man enter your body. You want revenge on a man that has feelings for you? Cheat on him. It truly is the silver bullet (sorry guys, cheating on your wife doesn't bother her as much as it bothers you...it just doesn't). There is a slew of psychological explanations as to why this is but to put it simply, you may repulse him because of what you did.

As far as your suspicions are concerned, it doesn't sound to me like he is. He COULD be...but I doubt it. Affairs cost money, and lots of it. If he's bringing home uncashed checks and you can easily verify the hours, it is highly unlikely that he has a lady on the side. Your "suspicion" is nothing more than paranoia. One thing I always explain to couples I consult with is that if the other spouse starts to question you about something you've done or might have done, chances are they're doing it too. You cheated on him and now you're paranoid he's going to do the same to you and that's the bottom line. The fact is he's not showing any signs of cheating on you...well there are the times he doesn't want you to touch him, but we've already been over that.

Do yourself a favor and thank your lucky stars he took you back. Because in my experience (and colleagues of mine), men take back their wives only 14% of the time when she's been unfaithful (76% of wives take back their husbands, when they've had an affair). Do yourself another favor, stop listening to your best friend. If she has no proof your husband is cheating, then tell her to quit telling you he is. It's ridiculous.

As far as that feeling in the pit of your stomach that makes you think he might be cheating, and if you haven't heard anything I've said so far listen to this: that feeling ISN'T going away...ever. Say what you want, think what you want but it's going to stay with you for the rest of the marriage. I've seen it time and again and it never goes away. You see that's the OTHER side of a spouse taking someone back after cheating. Everything is fine and dandy when they take you back, and rightfully so. You're forgiven and you got a "get out of jail free card" But that feeling starts to creep in and it just doesn't let go of you until the marriage is over...

Good luck

Answer 2

This is a classic example of when karma comes back to bite us on the ariba derche. Well, there is a way to find out. Get someone to tail him. Install a keylogger on your computer. There's lots of ways, but sometimes it's best not to know. What you might want to be concerned about though is the lack of trust that your infidelity has already caused both in your husband, and now in you. Funny how you don't trust, when you're the one who cheated first. I'm not trying to slam you, but you guys really need to work on TALKING about things, and TRUST. Good luck to you.

Answer 3

Does he ever go out w/o you? Is ever in a situation where he would be able to cheat? do u guys have cell phones so u can check the bill to see if there is any phone#'s from his phone . Its hard to say give us details here man! But if it is no to the 1st question then of course there is no way, you need to be sure it isnt just your own guilt that you cheated on him and he is going to get you back...Maybe the x's he doesnt want touched is bcause he is thinking of u cheating on him yeah u may think he is over it but whose to really say.. My ex that cheated on me i said oh yeah i forgive you but it is hard to forget and for a long time i could never get turned on and just really didnt even want to kiss him or look in his eyes during sex, so this is something you 2 need to take the time when u do not have to work sit at the tablw w/ no distractions (tV, kids, etc) and really, really hash this out not fight but discuss, tell him i dont know if this is my own guilt, or what , but i am haveing a hard time forgiving myself for my mistakes, but if you are i am not going to yell or scream, but please just give me the honest answer, i want to know why you dont want me to touch you when i am your wife and i cant help but w3ant to touch you? see what i mean here? good luck

Answer 4

Marriages have to have trust. I do not know if he is cheating or not, but could it be that you are paranoid becuase of your own actions? If you keep digging and digging, things will fall apart. If you all cannto trust each other, it is not going to work in the long run anyway. So you have to trust that he is telling you the truth or keep digging at it. If all his time is accounted for and he is not missing all the time, I think you just have to believe him.

Good Luck!

Answer 5

He's NOT cheating on you.

He's DEPRESSED on how you betrayed his trust and broke his heart.

Whenever he doesn't want to touch you it is because he is reminded how you gave your body to someone else.

He just gets sad and realizes that his life has not turned out the way he wanted to.

That should make you feel really guilty. Instead of tattling to your friends that you think he's cheating on you, instead you should be working on regaining his trust.

Anytime, he gets sad and withdrawn and doesn't want to make love to you just tell him that you are sorry that you regret what happened but that you love him and he's the only love of your life.

You have to give him positive reinforcement.

You really destroyed this guy who sounds like he's a great husband and a fantastic father.

Terrible.



.

Answer 6

You should know your the exbert, you cheated you should know these things. Really you might thing you worked it out, but right now he might feel those old feelings about you. When you where cheating. Those feelings come in go.But remember dear you started this between you and your man. If he is cheating what are you going to do?

Answer 7

My wife had an affair ten years ago, and it really messes with your mind. He might feel a need to "even the score" just to make himself feel like your equal, he might be considering it, he might be wondering exactly how he can continue to stay married to you forever when he has this mental image in his mind of HIS girl having sex with another man. I went through all of that. I never cheated, but I sure was hurt and angry enough for it. My advice is just watch carefully, be there for him, and keep talking to him.

Answer 8

Geez, you are the one who cheated and now you question him? He brings home the uncashed paycheck and he is home everyweekend? When would he have the time to cheat? I think your suspicions are unfounded and because you were the cheater, you have the nerve to blame him for your infidelity? Think about it and treat him like the man he is and deserves to be treated like.

Answer 9

You cheated, now you don't trust him. I agree with what "Dem" said. Maybe you should try talking to him & not your bestfriend.

Answer 10

be honest.Tell him what you wrote in this question and ask him straight up.Ask nicely for the truth and you just might get it.I wish you the best.