my husband and I had a great relationship but he just told me that he feels confused lately.?

Question

he says that he loves me very much but that sometimes he also feels that he wants to be alone and that he doesn't know if stay together or not? I even asked him f there is another person and he said no. He is willing to go to counseling to try thing out also we moved away from our family and friends and we do not like the place where we are now. I think this has something to do with his confusion. I really want for things to work out between us, I love him very much. I want to try to work things out but his confusions also confuse me they make me down sometimes. I even told him if he wants to take sometime to go back home and we could take a break to think things more thorough! what to dou think? please advise. Thank you

Answer 1

Always check for depression, even if the person says they "don't feel depressed". My first divorce was the result of undiagnosed depression. I was an expert at concealing my feelings to the point I couldn't even identify them to myself. I just felt "confused" and wanted to be alone.

Men resist counseling and diagnosis, and that's normal, but you have to work around it. Perhaps tell him YOU need to talk to someone, and would he come with you.

There is an excellent book on overcoming depression, called "Feeling Good", by David Burns. It allows a person to see how their mind is creating turmoil when it doesn't need to, and it gives good, easy, practical exercises for overcoming these faulty thinking patterns.

Everybody has up and down times. Sometimes people just feel "too tired" to deal with everything, and they think being alone will reduce their "work load". That's depression.

Women go up and down every month. Men save it up for years, then ruin their lives and relationships during a several month, or year long period of unpredictable behavior. Been there. Done that. Trying to not do it again.

Answer 2

I don't know what the deal is. One guess I could make - are you too needy or clingy? Perhaps all he wants is some "time alone", some personal space away from you? My husband and I love each other, but we give each other lots of "personal space"; we do things both together and separately, and each one of us can keep oneself busy just fine. I don't know if this might be the case in your marriage; could be something totally unrelated. It is possible that there IS someone else in his life - but it's not like he's going to admit to it. Hard to say. Good luck.

Answer 3

I think there may be something that he is not telling you. I don't know if it is another woman or him just being unhappy in his career or what but he isn't telling you something. You need to sit down with him and tell him that he owes it to you to come clean. If he refuses go to counseling or separate for awhile until he is ready to talk.

Answer 4

go for counseling, it cant hurt, plus you are so far away from your family and friends that he might be feeling depressed.