Can infatuation turn into nothing? I was completely head over heels for my boyfriend for the first 3 months. He could do nothing wrong and everything he did was perfect.
We have now been dating for about 6 months and I feel as though something is wrong and is missing. I have constant anxiety about "what if i am falling out of love with him." I dont trust myself. I dont know if its because I have been in dramatic/abusive relationships up until now but there is no reason why I could see I would be feeling this way.
All of my friends and family say that I seem most myself when I am around him. They think that this relationship is different from any past ones I may have had…..So I don’t know what that says….
I still enjoy spending time with him and being intimate with him but for the 1st 3 months I KNEW he was the guy I was going to marry and have kids with and now I cant say that anymore....
Am I commitment phobic, is this just my anxiety, or am I really falling out of love with him?
My ex who was a dramatic abusive partner may possibly still have a tiny piece of my heart but its been 2 years so I dont know why it hasnt gone away.
I want to feel the love I felt for him when we were 1st together. Can infatuation just end like that? There is nothing that I can think of that could have possibly changed my feelings?!?!? This is the first guy I actually trust but I feel like i trust him cause maybe I just dont care...I dont know how to tell and I dont want to break up with him......
Thanks!
2007-03-07 09:46:56 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
here's what i think...
you find this AMAZING guy and you love him sooo much. you start to finally let yourself enjoy this relationship and begin to stop thinking about your past experiences. then, as things continue to look great, you start to wonder how this could be happening. you start to question this relationship and worry if it really could be true and last. you get scared that this isn't the real thing and won't be able to last so you begin to pull away. you think back on your past relationship and wonder if this could ever turn into that.
i honestly believe that you are still in complete love with this new guy, it's just that your past relationship is holding you back still. that kind of experience is never going to leave your memory and you just need to try to look beyond it and realize that you are better than that and that you deserve this great new relationship that you are going into. explain this to the new guy and tell him that you might just need a little space for a while to sort things out. during this time, just think about how great THIS guy is treating you and realize that you DESERVE this awesome treatment. emerse yourself in the powerful feeling of this love and you will begin to feel that great sense of infatuation once again! good luck with everything!
2007-03-07 09:58:34 · answer #1 · answered by Sweetie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have some idea what you are going through.....Since I was 15 I have been in abusive relationships...physically, emotionally, mentally. a little over 3 yrs ago, i found out that my boyfriend had cheated on me and that was it. I called the girl and told her that she needed to get over to the house and get him out of my house before I killed him, she was there in less than an hour. I physically threw him and his stuff out of my house and locked the door. The house door and the emotional door. For the next 4 months I dated a few guys and had every intention of staying single and taking care of myself and my kids, I didn't need or want anyone in my life anymore and I was cool with that. In late May of 04 I met a guy that I wasn't ready for. He turned my world upside down. He was everything that I ever wanted in a man and my kids loved him. For the first few months I had that feeling of head over heels, he could do no wrong...blah blah blah....but it went away and became comfort and safety. We have been together almost 3 years now and although the love is still there.....it's more like a broken in comfortable pair of sweats then a new sexy pair of jeans. We respect each other, we care for one another, we trust each other and even though we have different views on some things, we never argue or raise our voices. 3 years and not one argument that has gotten loud or mean.....Our love is strong, reliable, comfortable and lasting.....and I've realized that it's ok and is the way it should be. I was so used to having fights and conflict in a relationship that I thought this was not going to work out....but I let some time pass and the thoughts passed, i outgrew the doubt and I now know that he is my future...he is the rest of my life.
I hope this helps you....I know it's hard to let go of the issues that we get from past relationships, but they will get easier to deal with. Don't give up something good because you got used to having bad. Give it some time to pass and I'm sure you will realize, like I did, that real love doesn't hurt and doesn't have too.
GL to you
Lani
2007-03-07 10:00:15 · answer #2 · answered by Lani 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you were really in love with him to begin with. Infatuation didn't turn into nothing, it turned into reality. Your past relationships were abusive so when you met this guy, he seemed like a prince charming to you. You went from being abused to being cared for. The relationship you had with your ex has cause a lot of damage to you. You still believe he has a piece of your heart because he made you feel like you were nothing without him. You got to a point where you mistook abuse for love. You got so used to it that you still think you need your ex. What you do need is, to let go of the past and start believing in yourself again. You have to remember, you can't love anyone if you don't love yourself. Sometimes counseling helps you get past this, and you can learn to love yourself and see your selfworth.
2007-03-07 10:00:03 · answer #3 · answered by blushing angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that what you just said is just normal as to a person who went through a dramatic experience deep inside you, you re just afraid that your boy friend is a copy , in one way or another, to your ex & this is normall, anybody in your shoes would have felt the same way. What I d advise you to do is this: try to look at your bf seperatly that is not as your bf but as a humane see his good point try to re-fall in love with him.. try to waken up that beautiful feeling inside believe me you ll find it. Wish you all the best & may your life be full joy & happiness and especially peace.
Good luck
2007-03-07 09:55:59 · answer #4 · answered by kitycat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the longer you are in a relationship the more complacent people become. Maybe you aren't falling OUT OF LOVE.....maybe you are just loosing the "newlywed" symptoms.
I suggest trying to spice up your relationship a bit before breaking it off.
Then again.....you always have to look at the possibility that you never really loved him......he was just the first guy to treat you like you deserve to be treated and so maybe you just grabbed on and refused to let go.
Look inside your heart....don't listen to anyone else.... just look deep inside.........you already know the answer.
2007-03-07 09:52:52 · answer #5 · answered by Trish 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well you want to marry him after three months of a relationship that is way to fast and it is good you did not because you would find out what you are finding out now except that you would be married and then you would have t go through a divorce
2007-03-07 09:53:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋