Should I leave my great boyfriend of 5yrs since he's not ready for marriage, but I am?

Question

Boyfriend says he wants marriage with me - can't see anyone else he'd rather spend his life with, nor to be mother of his children, but he doesn't want marraige now, and not until about another year or two, because he has more things he wants to accomplish before he marries, but I think we can accomplish those things better together, as a married couple. He's 33, I'm 28. Need good advice on what I should do. Thank you.

Answer 1

Both of your arguments seem good. Just know that men can be afraid of marriage, even if he has found the only person he will ever want to marry. It also depends on how long you have been ready for marriage, because if you have already waited a few years and he shows no signs of getting any closer to making the leap, then he might never be ready. But if you have just started seriously considering marriage then give him some time. I think in any case it would best to not pressure him for a while and just let him think about it without you asking him to. If you do decide to break up make sure you really mean it, don't just do it to scare him into marriage because that very well could not work. Hope I helped, please answer my question titled "Is my boyfriend just stressed, or do I have room to complain"

Answer 2

If you realy love him it shouldn't matter how long it takes, true love will wait forever. If he does want to marry you, you should wait especialy if it will only be 2 years at the most. If he was iffy and didn't know if he wanted to marry you for sure then I would question it but since he has sai within the next two years that means he is ready to marry you he just needs to get everything out of the way so that he is ready to settle down and make a family with you. I know it is hard to wait for something that you really want but if you really want it that bad then you will wait. It will help the time pass by faster if you start getting things ready like just think of the things that are important for that special day, like where you want it and things you want to have, my friend is getting married next summer and she is already getting things made for it, it makes it so much less stressful for you when it gets close and it makes it a little more special to have things you made personally.

Example: She is making the center pieces for the tables, she went to micheals and got some bottles with corks and some sea shells and went to the beach and got some sand and she made the bottles with it half full of sand and then sea shells on te top and then the cork in and then some brown ribbon tied around the top and a big sea shell tied in with that. they look realy cool. She also made her flower girl basket and hot glued silk flowers to it and ribbon and it is awesome.

Just think of it this way that if youare anxious to get married, and you break up with him then when you find someone new you want to marry then it will probably be even longer than two years that you will be waiting.

Answer 3

Why is it anymore realistic for you to expect him to marry you if he's not ready, than it is for him to want you to wait? If you pressure him into this, you will regret it!

I know how you are feeling. I was with my husband for 6 years before he finally popped the question. I was frustrated, but I knew that he loved me and I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, so I waited.

It can take a year or two to plan a wedding ya know? Has he even proposed to you yet? You may want to explain to him that an engagement ring would at least ease your mind and reassure you of his commitment. I don't think there is anything wrong with that! If he refuses to do that, you may need to question his intent. Only you truly know what is going on in your relationship. Are you confident that he loves you and that he is a man of his word? Do you feel as though he truly intends on marrying you? If not, you may want to move on. But if you know these things are true, then ride it out! It will be worth it in the end. Good men are hard to come by!!

Best of luck to you!

Answer 4

You already know what you should do. You've waited since you were 23. Are you going to wait until your BF decides everything is perfect? Perhaps until world peace comes? Move out. Move out NOW. Since he isn't ready for marriage, you shouldn't be playing house. Let him live as a single person. Right now, he's comfortable. He's living like a married guy, with none of the obligations of a married man. Why should he want to change anything? Heck, if the car dealers would let us test drive cars for years, nobody would ever buy one, we'd just keep testing. He's had his test drive. Now, he should either buy the car, or let somebody else have it.

Answer 5

5 years is a long time and now he wants to wait more and his excuse isn't a good one like you said you could accomplish his goals together which would make them sweeter.... If it has been good for 5 years who am I to tell you that you should move on but maybe you need to have a serious conversation where you are straight up with him and lay down your own goals to be accomplished including marriage to the man you love and to start having those children he wants with you. Be straight forward and tell him how you really feel, lay it all the way out for him so he understands how important this is to YOU...

Answer 6

I have a very similar dilemma. My boyfriend is in his late 20's and I'm in my early 20's, we've been together 3 years and living together for 1.
He's TERRIFIED of getting married and has used every excuse under the sun from "it's too soon" to "we can't afford it" to even "i want to live more of my life first"
You can't wait around forever while he um's and ah's about it. Tell him to suck it up and get some balls.
If he really is commitment-phobis just ease him into it gently. Say, "how do you feel about getting engaged in the next six months?" so he has 6 months to get his head around the concept of engagement. Just reassure him it can be a long engagement, and he can use that time to do his other "things" that he "really has" to do.Then after a year of engagement start planning the wedding.

So far it's working for me, lol. Simply saying "let's get engaged" is apparently a lot less scary than the concept of marriage. Our engagement party is in 3 months

Good luck!!

Answer 7

I agree with you. What is it that he wants to "accomplish" that marriage would prevent him from accomplishing? I would be very curious to hear the answer. To me it sounds like a lame excuse. He's leading you on. It's up to you what you want to do; I would let him know that if we don't have a wedding date set within a couple of months, I would be moving on and looking for someone who is serious about marrying me. You've already given him more time than I ever would. Good luck.

Answer 8

Once you FINALLY get married, how long is he going to make you wait till you have children? What logistically can't he do/accomplish with a wife that he could with a girlfriend? Why can't you compromise, get married soon, and wait the two years to start making babies? Theoretically, you could be waiting forever, what if in two years he says he still has a couple things he'd like to get done before you get married?

Answer 9

Once knew a girl in a similar situation. Now she's 40 and still single. Once the guy got what he set out to accomplish, he decided to trade her in for a model with less miles on it.

Give him 2 options, either get married now or start a family now and marry in 2 years time. If neither suits him you are better off elsewhere.

Answer 10

Leave him???
Of course NOT!!!
If you leave him, you have to find a new one and you will hope to be like the other one (as you said he is great) and then after 2-3 years married him... but wait... after 2-3 years???? this is the time that the good guy wanted...
are you sure that if you leave him you will find a better one an married him in a year? and what if the new one wants a couple of years to prepare...???
Thing clear... Can you leave away from him???
if you can answer that, then u have your main answer...
i thing you cant cause otherwise you wouldn't even thing of marriage

Don't leave him...
just wait and organized it from now on!