ok my friend made a poem and im on the fence i like it but something is missing from it. but i mmight be crazy so here is the poem and plz tell me your honest opinion i want to be truthful to her.
Its hard to act like nothing is wrong when your heart is crying out for the love and affection it needs
Its hard to act like nothing is wrong when not only you but the ppl around you are fake
Its hard to smile and not cry.
i like it but i dont really like the last line so plz tell me wat u think thnx
and if u think i wrote this u r wrong i cant right a damn line of poetry lol
2007-03-07 09:25:11 · 6 answers · asked by S t r a w b e r r y 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Other - Arts & Humanities
PPLP I DIDNT WRITE THIS GOSH IM NOT A POEM PERSON OR W?E YOU CALL THEM!!!
2007-03-07 10:26:48 · update #1
PPL I DIDNT WRITE THIS GOSH IM NOT A POEM PERSON OR W/E YOU CALL THEM!!!
2007-03-07 10:27:15 · update #2
Personally? Not a big fan. While I appreciate the effort to express one's feelings, the rhythm is all wrong on this one. Just from a technical standpoint. A poem is like a song, and your favorite songs would sound very strange if you smashed all the lyrics but one line into a couple notes. Too many syllables!
2007-03-07 09:30:24 · answer #1 · answered by mina_lumina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i think its aweful... if you want my honest opinion. I think you should throw that out and start all over, if you ever want anyone to take it seriously other than your parents. I do admire the effort in expression of feelings and i can tell you have alot on your mind... bad day perhaps? anyways... its probably not a good idea to start consecutive lines with "its hard to act like nothing is wrong"... we got the point the first time. A decent effort, but put some serious thought into it and spend more than a few minutes, you will be proud of your work in the end. Write what you feel, and don't try to be poetic... words from the heart flow much better than ones which were synthesized in your mind... keep working at it, you'll get it.
2007-03-07 18:05:55 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it's alright.. but not a big winner. You are right it's missing something but I don't know what. Maybe a line like "It's hard not to smile when love is around, the warmness of love is to the sky to the ground" or something like that. Hope I helped!
2007-03-07 17:45:27 · answer #3 · answered by Ms. New Cutie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It’s hard to be brave when your heart weeps, crying for love and affection it needs
to pretend that nothing is wrong when the people about you are not genuine
Its hard to smile when you want to cry,
2007-03-07 21:51:08 · answer #4 · answered by GW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
instead of just saying that people around her are fake she could give a particular example. it needs to be more visual. it needs to say more.
2007-03-07 17:55:02 · answer #5 · answered by erdnuss_schlampe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it needs more at the end. the ending is to short and abrupt. it needs to make you feel something.
peace
2007-03-07 17:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by Shadow Lark 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋