I'm pregnant, I really don't want this baby....?

Question

All I keep thinking is "why me?" I already have 2 children, I don't want to do it all over again!! but I don't agree with the alternative, it is totally against everything that I believe in, I'm thinking what's meant to be is meant to be, but I don't think it's fair for me to have the child if I don't really want it, can anybody suggest a different way for me to think about it, because I don't think I can go through a termination either...oh god....please somebody help me!!!

if I went through with the pregnancy I know that I would love it like I love the other 2, and couldn't give it away.

just so that you all know I got cought whilst on contraseption, and as for you who said I should keep my legs closed...I am married, have been for ten years, so unless you have anything positive to add, keep your god damned opinion to your self!!

Answer 1

If you don't think you can go through a termination, you probably shouldn't.
Have you thought about adoption? There are so many loving couples waiting to give a baby a home. I know it's hard to consider giving a part of you away, but it may be a viable solution. In this day and age, adoptive parents can choose the parents and be given updates on the progress of the child.

You may want to seek out some counseling. There are free and low-cost counseling options in most communities. Speak to your doctor.

Meanwhile, consider having your tubes tied once the baby is born. It's permanent, which may be scary to consider, but it will also prevent you from being in this difficult position again.
Good luck.

Answer 2

I understand completely 100% what you are saying and was feeling exactly the same as you only a few weeks back i am now 23 weeks and just starting to come to terms with it but still doesn't feel the same as it did with the others i have..... my partner had a serious operation while i was pregnant with our last child and we was told because the op didnt go to plan it meant he couldnt have anymore children, so point being we stopped using contraception and low and behold look whats happened!!! I was ready to go back to full time work as id done my stay at home mother for quite long enough and wanted a bit of me back. I even had my first scan and burst into tears afterwards i couldnt believe it was happening to me. I also couldnt have a termination even though i did think about it and that just made me feel even worse, i thought well we have made our bed now we need to lie in it. The baby started moving and i did feel some feelings toward the baby and ive even managed to glance at baby clothes... but then walk away. I had my scan last week and the maternal feelings were there so it does get easier and i agree with you once the baby is here we will feel just the same as with the others and as they get older maybe they will feel more precious..... I have also had quite a lot of miscarriages and a still birth but this baby has been strong enough against all feelings so it must be a little fighter.

I hope things get easier for you as im sure they will and hope iv not made things worse for you i just wanted to let you know that you are not on your own and it doesnt make you a bad person for the way you are feeling x


You all keep going on and mentioning about abortion and this really isn't helping. She doesn't want an abortion and isn't even contemplating it, the same for adoption, this is why she is sooooo confused because really she knows she hasn't any choice and would rather just not be in this predicament. This baby will be loved as much as her others i just don't think most of you understand!!! ( mother of 4 and 1/2)

Answer 3

Wow, I wonder about the nerve of these people who answer so harshly... They all have "something to prove" and have their own reasons to be bitter, but shamefully haven't hit the point of maturity when they learn when, where and how to express themselves... So anyway! Now that I've answered that! Many women have mixed emotions about their pregnancy. Can I really do this? Why didn't I just be more careful? Why did this have to happen NOW? What's meant to be really will be. Everything happens for a reason and sometimes we can't see it as soon as we want, so we have to wait it out. Yes its work but look at the joys you experience now as a mother and look back on the good memories from before. Sometimes the people that are first to doubt themselves or turn down responsibility are the people most fit for the job in the end. Take each day as it comes and try not to look too far ahead for this particular thing. Love and be loved by this new addition to the family. The calmer you are the more easily you can see yourself through your personal struggles. This baby may not be what you were planning for, but now it is. Life's a crazy ride, enjoy it, don't clutch at your seat belt in terror with your head downbecuase you'll miss all of the great things along the way.

Answer 4

Mabe you should give yourself some time to think about it and let it sink in, take a deep breath and stop thinking of the negatives.
I'm sure there are so many lovely times you remember about your other 2 children and you will cope very well because you know what to expect.
There is also the adoption route, you can look into this before giving birth, but i would allow yourself to meet your babe first and then make an informed decison about your feelings when the time comes. There are always childless couples who are on mile long waiting lists hoping to adopt and love a baby.

Is there something else in your life that is making you so down on having another child at the minute and can that be sorted?

Answer 5

You will NEVER regret having a child, you will love this child as you do your other two.

It is going to be tough at first, dealing with the early pregnancy symptoms but think of it as a really special time. You conceived by accident, therefore I feel that you should really express these feelings of regret to your partner. He is going to need to be extra helpful this time around!

Being pregnant can be wonderful! It's a time where you come closer to your family, your husband, your other children.

This child will be a great gift that you give to your other children- a little sister or brother.

Try to be positive, but be true to your feelings. Dont feel guilty about not wanting the baby, this is fair enough. But just remember how much you love your other two children and know that this love will grow with the arrival of your new child.

Answer 6

Adoption is a great option this way you wouldnt have to go through with an abortion what im totally against as i have had ectopic pregnancys.I feel this baby could be someones dream come true for a couple who cant have children but if you also feel this isnt an option for you and you could love it as you do your other two children this babys place is with you in its real mums arms,it may seem too much now but the idea will grow on you and all your maternal instincts will kick back in when you hold him/her.Please whatever you do dont go through with an abortion.I believe this could work for you and your partner you may be suprised at the end of it all.Give this little life a chance

Answer 7

I feel like you are truly blessed to even get pregnant. i am married and my husband and i have been trying to have a baby and we did get pregnant but 4 months into the pregnancy my water bag broke and we lost the baby so we kept trying and after a year had passed i was told that i have pcos and will not be able to have a baby anymore and that has taken a toll on our marriage because he feels a married couple should have kids and i cant give him any now. So all in all count your blessings and thank the Lord because what would you think if you were told you could never have children at all anymore?

Answer 8

I'm sorry to hear that you dont want your baby, just remember how you felt when you had your other 2 children handed to you there is no other feeling in the world when you hold your baby for the 1st time. im sure you would end up regretting it if you were to have a termination which i know you said you couldn't go through with it when your baby is born you'll forget the feelings you had about not wanting it shock does all sorts of things to us. hope this helped alittle bit. i believe everything in life happens for a reason take care and good luck.

Answer 9

We would love to have children, but it looks as if we probably won't be able to now. I would swap my childlessness for your 2.5 children in a second if I could! I keep thinking "why me", but for a different reason.

If having a termination is against everything you believe in, it would haunt you for the rest of your life if you went ahead with it. You'd be thinking about this child every year on the day it would have been born.

Please think carefully before you make a decision, and make sure that it is one you can live with. It is a difficult decision for you to make, and i hope you make the right one for you.

Answer 10

If you are comfortable and can gestate the pregnancy, then you only have two options - keep the baby or put the baby up for adoption.

Yes, it sucks hella majorly and I'm very, very sorry that you're in this position but those are really the only two options you have if you are vehemently against an abortion.

Have you spoken with any counselors or anything about your options? (And I mean real counselors, not the "fake" ones with an agenda). You might have a better time of all of this if you speak to one who can help you iron out how you truly feel and what you want and need.

Best of luck!