I don't like my mother in law!!?

Question

I hate my mother in law so much. She's a wicked witch. She says all the bad remarks and such about me. She is pure evil and I can't do anything about it. My Husband gets her upset and she takes it out on me. I wasn't even at the scene to begin with. She was even considering that my Husband and I divorce. She's never respectful towards me. She looks down at me. She was very nice at one point where I was still dating my Husband and we weren't even married then and had any children. Now that we are married and have a child she showed her true colors. She really hated me to begin with. I just can't stand looking at her face. Her presence is a disaster to my eyes. She brings nothing but pain to me. I love my husband, but I just don't understand why his mother is just cruel. She also wanted to be called "ma ma" towards my own son. What the heck is that supposed to mean? Right in front of my face she does that. I'm my son's mom, mama, mother not that good for nothing mother in law I wish I never had. I can't stand her. I could write endlessly about how much I hate her.

Answer 1

sounds so true been there and done that it will get better and if not just stay away from her good luck

Answer 2

Let it all out. Then take a deep breath and tell yourself that she can ruin your marriage under just one condition - that you let her dislike of you ruin your marriage. Learn to tune her out. don't fight the whole 'mama' issue - she's trying to provoke you into an all-out fight that pits your son against you because she wants him to take sides.
I'd hate her too but then, there are thousands of stories like this and some of them are much much worse. You have to know that the responsibility is yours to defuse the situation by backing away from her and simply saying, 'I don't know why she says (a bad remark) about me.' If your husband or relative says, 'Well, it's because...' and they tell you that she had a reason, then listen to the reason. Change your behavior at least a little in that situation. If you are always showing how much you hate her, she will start looking like the persecuted one - worse yet, she will complain that she is persecuted.
She probably didn't hate you to begin with. Maybe she is feeling insecure that your husband is not her little boy any more. He might feel that too and that is why THEY fight.
She will run out of steam if you back away from these situations. You will definitely outlast her because you will live longer, God willing, and she will find other distractions anyway.

Answer 3

Let it all out girl, she sounds like a monster. First, you need to speak to your husband alone. Find out where he will side on this, better be with you. Then the two of you discuss ground rules. Next, prepare for battle, she isn't gonna like it but make sure she knows its your way or the highway. What's with this "ma ma", who does she think she is.........let her know she has to pick an appropriate name for herself and that is not it. If she won't pick one for her, make her wish she had picked lol. Let her know that you wish she liked you but its not necessary but being nice and civil is.........IF she wants to be at your home and part of your familys life. Let her know the ground rules are NOT negogiable. I know you don't want her to be but that is not fair to your husband and you have to reach a compromise and the ground rules are the key. Maybe she can not be alone with you and the baby. Kill her with kindness, be the better person and NEVER let her see it gets to you. My m-n-l tried, the tell me one thing and him another- had us at each others throat until I proved what she was doing. God I love caller ID. When she called we would both pick up the phone and eavesdrop on each others call with her and busted her big time. Don't know why she did that, was really wicked thing to do and she didn't act that way in public. Maybe she is having separation issues, will she be alone now? Its not an excuse but may explain.........Ask her, what her problem is.........she may never give you an answer but wouldn't it be better if you could work it out instead of all the animosity? Make sure the kiddo is elsewhere in case it gets ugly. Good luck!

Answer 4

I can relate to the problem you have with your Mother-in-law, when I married my Husband his Mother did not show her true colors until we got married, but the only difference, she had as to your Mother-in-law was, that she would ignore us Daughters-in-law, and would tell my Husband lies of what I said or did, which wasn't true, but, back then, and I am talking about almost 49 yrs. ago, you had to respect your Mother-in-law, no matter if she was mean to you. So, you can imagine how bad it was then,This generation of newlyweds, can speak up their minds, and will fight back for their rights, which I think is good to do, you do not mention if you and your Husband live with her, or live in a separate House. If you both live with her, than I would suggest that you tell your Husband you no longer want to Live with his Mother, because of the problems she has created between you and her. I think you have every right to fight back if need be, because if your Mother-in-law would want for her Son, and his Wife, have a good relationship between them because of the Son you have, then she should try to get along with her Daughter-in-law, if she wants to see that grandson, which I am sure she must Love, or else she not only is going to loose her Son, but her Grandson as well. What is she trying to gain, by finding discord between you and her, doesn't she realize that to be Happy she should make others Happy as well. I wish you the best and I hope that you, will be able to find a solution to your problem. I am a Mother-in-law to two,daughters-in-law, and five sons-in-law, and I wouldn't dream of causing any problems with my two sons, and five daughters, Marriages. I have always told them that to me, I consider them part of our Family, and if they have their disputes, I do not take sides from either of them, because then the problem will get bigger.

Answer 5

If you love your husband, you don't really have a choice but to deal with it. Sure, some people would say to go straight to the mother-in-law and have a little chat about her attitude towards you...but I don't think that would get you anywhere good. Confrontation (even well meaning discussions) rarely patches things up. You just have to show her that you're there to stay, no matter what she wants. She'll tire of the mind games and back off eventually.

Answer 6

I totally understand you. I hate my mother-in-law as well. I just got married so I have to learn to get along with her. She used to be so nice before marriage and now she's unbearable. So I understand how you feel. I can't give you any advice cause I'm in the same situation. At first I was being quiet when she was talking, but now I don't want to put up with her crap anymore. If she keeps disrespecting me, I'm going to stand up for myself and defend myself, even if my husband gets mad at me.

Answer 7

You are not alone, however I have learned how to handle mine. When my mil starts in w/ me on something her son did I refer her back to him. My response is if you don't like what he did talk to him I am not his mother nor did I raise him. That ends that. As far as your child goes you need to stand up and you and your husband need to tell her that you are the MOTHER she is the grandmother give her a choice Nana, grandma, grandmother, etc. If she can not pick one of the choices tell her you will make it for her. It's not you, she would do this to who ever her son married. My mother in law broke up one sons marriage she knows that she is not going to win with me so she has backed off. Your husband needs to side with you as well.

Answer 8

I hear you and under stand what you are going through I agree with the others you need to stand up to her now if you don't it will only get worse. as for you hubby you need to tell him where he stands he married you not his mother and if you are religious he needs to read his bible it will help you both to under stand your place in the marriage read GENESIS 1:28 verse 24 as for the calling her ma ma that's her way of saying she don't think you should be a mother DON'T let her get away with it. and if she lives with you she needs to know this is your house your rules not hers and that you are the mother the wife and most of all the Queen of your castle not her good luck email me if you ever need to talk

Answer 9

Maybe it is time you ask your hubby to cut the perverbial cord and move away so you do not have to put up with her nastiness. Alot of marriages have in-laws that do not get along
so they move farther away and may contact during holidays etc.
This in the long run helps because by distancing you have less of a chance of the family destroying your marriage. You must
learn to just ignore what she says does it really matter what other people think.

Answer 10

Stay away, keep the relationship at a proper distance. if she mean, be mean back.. if she insult you, Say yeah, ahha and go away.

If you re at the same roof and cant get out, tell your husband, you have limit of patience and inistiate to move.

Show respect first, but dont bend!

Answer 11

Sounds like my mother towards my wife. I took my wife's side, as my family is me and my wife now. My mum can either except both of us or I don't want to know her.

I hope it works out for you, it upsets my wife more than me that my relationship with my parents is strained due to my Mum not excepting my wife. What makes it worse is she seems to love my new future sister in law, what she doesn't realize is that my sister in law is also finding my mum hard going.