My boyfirend asked me to marry him.?

Question

So here'e the deal. We've been together for 3 years and my parents didn't like him in the beginning because he's mexican and they are "so called white". They are very judgmental to his race,you know like red necks, but more old fashioned. Im about to be 20 and we've lived together for 2 years. My parents are ok with him now that we have our own apartment. Here's the thing, last night during our 3 year anniversary he asks me to marry him.Being completly in love I say yes. Now Im wondering how I should tell my parents, and how long I should wait. I have always been afraid of them, and my dad wanted to be asked first(hes controlling)Maybe one of you has been in the same situation? First we thought we would bring both sides of parents together and announce, but our parents have never met cuz his parents only speak spanish. My parents live about 2 hours away and his are in the town next to us. What do you think we should do?How long did you wait?Can I do it over the phone?

My now fiance thinks it would not be wise to bring all 4 parents to the table to tell them at the same time. He suggested telling each side and then bringing them together.

We live in a one bedroom apartment and don't have a whole lot of money, should we bring everyone over or go to my parents 4,00sq ft home on the water for the engadgment party? I do think that's what you're supposed to do to celebrate engadment right? Im all new to this and I have no idea about weddings! Help help help!

*** I meant 4,000 sq ft

I do speak fluent spanish, and am very close to his family. They took me in for almost 2 years into their very own home. They made me feel like one of them, and taught me how to speak spanish. My parents told me there was something wrong with me because I had wanted to stay with him even though they thought that because hes hispanic I would not have a good life. My grandma is also very close to me, and I feel more apt to tell her bofore my mon n dad because she made it clear that she was going to support myself and my boyfriend no matter what. They even invite the both of us up to stay when there's a get together or just because. They are like parents to me, so I think I would want them included to. The only prob is that they live 6 hours away, in another state! I just got back from there house 2 weeks ago, and it's ironic because when my aunt and my grandma and I were talking about my family,my gma said something about me feeling more comfortable coming to tell my grandparents first

and that was before he even asked!! How funny

Answer 1

This is such a difficult question to answer. Well congratulations to start! I would say tell each side separately then bring them together. I am African American and my husband is white. Both families were very accepting of our relationship so that was never a problem but some members of his family is extremely religious and my family isn't so much, so when they do get together I find I have to do a lot of managing.

My husband asked my dad for my hand so I didn't have to deal with that but I would say tell them as soon as possible. You are obviously happy and want to get married, you have been in the same relationship for a long time and you love him so you should be confident in that and excited to share the news with them. I think you just have to approach it as you sharing the good news with them not really asking their permission.

You might want to also use the opportunity to clear the air with them and tell them that you are afraid of them. I was really afraid to tell my parents that I was seriously dating my now husband and when I told them that I was afraid, I could tell they were a little hurt and surprised.

I don't think you can tell them over the phone. You should definitely do it in person maybe over a nice dinner?

And I think you should have the engagement party at your parents. You'll have more room and be able to enjoy yourself a little more. Hopefully they will offer to throw you the party.

Again, congratulations and good luck!

Answer 2

I would probably NOT bring both sets of parents together to break the news for the first time - could get kinda messy if your parents are against these people. Maybe take your parents somewhere mutual - like a restaurant or cafe that way its on mutual ground so that they can't yell & scream at you about being engaged to this man who obviously loves you with all his heart....tough call and I guess its hard for parents to let their little girl go - no matter who it is. I would tell them soon otherwise someone else will tell them & don't do it over the phone... thats a BIG no-no! - just be honest with them. Surely they must see that you are both committed to each other?
Your parents are from a different generation when things were done differently - inter-racial marriages are a part of our daily lives now - it doesn't make you a bad person because they may think you have fallen in love with the 'wrong' man. Life is way too short girl - grab life with both hands and enjoy it! I have learnt from being worried what other people think when I shouldn't have & have missed out on fantastic opportunities that I can never get back....if your parents are good decent people - they should accept this. Good luck to you and your man!

Answer 3

As a parent and the dad of 2 daughters and in my forties.
I live in Missouri speaking of red necks though I don't consider myself one.
First of all it's shows respect if he asks your dad permission for your hand, he needs to do it, regardless what your dad may say.
There will be some questions you'll be asked, like does he love,respect, and care for you. Does he provide for you?
If your parent's get upset, give them a little time to digest what's been sprung on them. Let them know that it's out of respect you come to them, not because you have too. That you love them and want them to be a part of and share in this happiest of times, that are upon you.
Then do the same thing with his parents, after everyone has had a chance to digest and accept it, then get everyone together including the entire family, but only after you have set a date. So you can give them some more time to except it.
And in that time frame plan your wedding.

Hope this helps

Answer 4

I would suggest NOT bringing them all together!! Not to first meet...'oh and were engaged' i would bring them together to meet first without telling them the deal so they can get to 'know eachother' a little...your parents need to warm up to the idea of you getting married and meet his family. Things like that. Youd be rushing them...Its your life and if this man makes you happy and you feel you could live the rest of your life with him, go for it. Dont let anyone hold you back! My mother doesnt approve of my fiance im with now but hes the best thing to ever happen to me and i gave her 16 reasons and 4 paragraphs why i am in love with him and why i want to marry him and she hasnt bothered me or said a negative thing about it since. Im doing whats right for me cuz i know in my heart what is right. I would suggest telling the parent families seperately then having everyone come together and meet. Tell yours over dinner in a peaceful atmosphere. Have good backup as to why you want to marry him and why its right to you. Stand up for yourself! Good luck

Answer 5

Have your boyfriend go through the motions of asking your father before you tell them. It will make him feel better about himself and keep him a part of your life. Wait a few days (maybe a week) then invite your parents and his to a dinner out and make the announcement. It will make the moment special for everyone and bring the parents together in a public place with plenty of space for everyone.

Answer 6

First, relax and celebrate that you've found 'The One.' And accept hearty "Congrats!'
Here's a thought, for a moment, think of the grandchildren that might come in a few years. Are you strong enough as individuals and as a couple to withstand your parent's reaction to GASP mixed race grandchildren?
As far as a party to celebrate your engagement, are you certain you want your parents there? Nothing spoils a party faster than stale,bitter white bread.Thats enough to spoil what should be one of the most wonderful times of your life.
As far as his parents, you should, maybe try to learn a little Spanish if you haven't already since they will your parents-in-law. (plus Spanish now could equal bux later professionally. You've got at least two reasons to learn the language.)
Now then, about telling your parents, mentally prepare for the fallout. They might just throw a hissy fit. Expect it, you know, so that you won't be shocked when it happens. They will perform, child! Take your videocamera. You want to watch this again and again as they grow closer to their son-in-law and you can look back on the performance and laugh about their shenanigans. Oh, boy, can parents be immature!!!
I think you should tell his parents first as they seem to be the ones that will rejoice with you.
As far as how to tell your parents. I'd tell them on the day my betrothed husband and I returned from Las Vegas. From your question and explanation(s) they seem to enjoy later rather than sooner.
Of course, at that point, they'll really be pissed off, as they won't have the opportunity to piss on your parade, control the wedding, veto your adult decision or throw a hissy fit at your wedding for all the guests to see.
In the meantime, enjoy your future husband's love and companionship throughout life and congratulations!!!

Answer 7

Well, first of all congrats to the both of you and, if your parents are fine that you two are living together, why should they be upset that he wants to marry you? What I would do is invite them out to a nice restaurant and have him tell his parents in Spanish that you are going to be married to their son and you tell your folks at the same time. I would not wait. I mean, you are all going to be family soon. I would first have you call your parents and take them to the restaurant and have him do the same. Sit down and tell them why you have them there. Then, tell them. Your father will not control a person who LETS them be controlled, remember that. You are your own person.
Once again, CONGRATULATIONS!!!

Answer 8

you and your partner sound exremely happy together, you really should go ahead and marry him... what a lucky girl you are!

I live in England and my husband came over from Albania seeking assilum. He is of a different culture, religion, and has different beliefs and we had our fair share of grief, although not from our parents.

You sound like a couple very much in love and of course you would like your parents approval. your partner has shown just how good he is for you just by wanting to organise a family get together. Why not make it a dinner date and all go to a resteraunt somewhere to dicuss and iron out any issus with both families?

All parents want their children to be happy, and you truley do sound it to me. Whatever the outcome with your perents its ultimatley your life. You have found true love with a great guy. Grab it with both hands. Four years on and me and my husband are still together. Its hard at times, but i do really love him.

I wish you both all the best x.x

Answer 9

CONGRATS on Engagement! You should most definetly tell both set of parent right away! I mean I know its hard It was hard for me to tell my parents ( which are divorced) and I live with my mom! When my fiance asked me to marry him of course I said yes!! Then he called my mother on the phone to ask for my hand in marriage and would be going to my home to do it the proper way. Which he did. I suggest you and your fiance tell your parents I mean its different ....you are already living together they know you LOVE HIM and that is all that matters. Just the way it was hard for them to accept you alls relationship or living together they will overcome there obstacle and realize YOU LOVE HIM and THEY HAVE TO LET YOU BOTH BE HAPPY!

I wish you the Best of Luck today tomorrow and ALWAYS!!

JG2B

Answer 10

i Think the best thing for you,s to do is too get both sets off parents together,at least if they disagree then they will be over the shock off it again you,s get married and they might have warmed to the idea,i was supposed to get married on the 16th June this year but unfortunately its not happening but on his side the family did,nt like me but as i said,at the end off the day there was no love lost,so i wish you luck and i hope it all goes well for you,s