Am I just being a woman or should I be mad??

Question

I am a stay at home mom of a 3 and a 4 yr old. Hubby usually works late hours which means housework and childcare on my part from the time I get up till we finally crash at bedtime. I have no problem with that. But, Monday night he doesn't come home until after we're all asleep because he says he was at his dads helping him work on a motor home. Then last night when he gets home he decides he wants to go to the grocery store. Then we eat supper as soon as he returns from the store. Then he says he wants to go visit his grandfather in the nursing home right up the street from where we live. I'm ok with all this, but when he gets home I ask him to give the kids a bath and get them ready for bed so I could clean up the dishes and everything else, he says sure, but all he does is fall asleep on the couch. I can't help but wonder if hes just doing these things to avoid me and the kids. Am I being petty??

Answer 1

I don't know if men understand all that women do during the day and how exhausting it is to be with two young children all day, never mind the house cleaning, cooking, clothes washing and dishes. But, in all fairness lets take a walk in his shoes for a day. I don't know what line of work he is in, but even if it isn't physical, and its basically mental work, both could be exhausting, never mind working on the RV, going to the store, and visiting relatives in a retirement home. I think that both of you have your plates full. I would chalk it up to him sitting down getting comfortable and falling asleep. I think you should let it ride, find a baby sitter and spend some quality time with your husband. It's tough out here, and can be tiring. He probably is just a little tired from everything going in both of your lives.Good Luck

Answer 2

So he worked all day, then slaved over the motor home, then go see sick gramps, goes to the grocery store and then falls asleep? He sounds like a normal human being to me. People get tired you know.

He is not avoiding you, do not make something out of nothing. If you trust him and he is a loving father and husband otherwise then leave the man alone. Try to make time for him and the kids on the days that he is NOT overworked.

Good luck

Answer 3

I don't think you are being petty. You have every right to feel the way you do, right or wrong they are your feelings. I suggest sitting down with him and talking about it. Explain that you understand that he's had a long day and that he wants to visit his grandfather but that it is very frustrating to you when you ask for his help he doesn't give it to you. There is no point to keep it all inside and let it get you totally worked up. Sit down and talk with him about it. A lot of times guys don't even know that what they do bothers us. When I bring stuff to my husband's attention he appreciates that I am open with him and he works on that specific area. Try it and good luck!

Answer 4

No, you're not being petty at all. I can relate as I am a SAHM of three kids ages 4-10 and the responsibility of the kids and housework is all on me. Yes, my husband is a hard worker but I honestly feel that it is duty as a parent to contribute in helping with the kids and housework.

Answer 5

These people, I swear.....HELL NO you are not being petty! Those children are his responsibility as much as they are yours. Kuddos that he can provide for the family so that you can be a SAHM, but that doesn't mean his family doesn't need him. Tell him to get off of his butt and help you with those kids in the evening! He can bathe them every other night, and he can read them a bed time story while you finish up with chores.....he may get off of work at 5, but being a parent is 24/7.

Answer 6

No, you're not being petty. He sounds like a decent, hard working guy but he needs to put you and your children in his busy schedule, too. His dad may have needed help on the motor home, but did he need it right then? Seeing his grandfather at the nursing home is very decent of him...just ask him to prioritize a little differently.

Answer 7

I don't think he is trying to avoid you and the kids. You both have two different jobs, albeit yours is 24/7 365. Just remember when he gets overloaded at his job you don't go there to help him out. He should help you out with the kids at home but the house work is your job. Maybe next time whisper in his ear..."Honey, give the kids a bath while I do the dishes and we will go to bed early...hint! hint!" That should get him motivated.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Sounds l;ike your hubby may be a people pleaser, and he is starting to feel the stress of it. Talk to him about it, he may give you answers that you wouldn't expect! I know how it feels, I am in the exact same situation, and my hubby was going through some guilt about not seeing his Dad enough. He seemed to be there more than he was with his own family. Talked about it and it was resolved. Nothing changed much, but I did have a better understanding of it. He started seeing his Dad more after my own Dad passed.

Hope this helps!

Answer 9

I think that really depends... Set aside your feelings of frustration from being stuck in the house all the time (can get very aggravating, I know) and truly ask yourself if your husband is avoiding you. It's very possible that he's tired if he's working all day to support your family. What does he do on days he doesn't work? How much of his free time does he spend with you and the kids? If you really feel concerned about it, you should ask your husband.

Answer 10

It kind of sounds like he might be "cooling off" in the marriage and
is looking for other interests (..not other women..) to occupy his
time. He doesn't seem to have any interest in the family he has
created [wife and children].
You need to sit down with him and discuss how you're feeling and
find out what the two of you can do to put the spark back into your
relationship.