Do I have a right to know?

Question

My business partner, best friend, roommate and sometimes lover will not discuss what do do if he were critically ill or if he should die. I think it should be in writing and that I should have access to it. I do not know the location of his will, or who his executer or administrater is, nor has he made provisions to continue to pay his share of our expenses, even if only temporarily. He has blood relatives who live distantly and are not known for the kindness and caring they extend to their elderly or sick family members. He has NO children. We are fast becoming elderly and have been together since our early 40s. I told him if he continued to refuse to confide in me I would not notify his next of kin if he died giving them the opportunity to walk all over me with their hand out. I think he is being thoughtless. Is the position I am taking outrageous?

Answer 1

Yes, the position you are taking is outrageous.
You say that his guy is your business partner. I have no way of knowing what your gender is so you could be gay. Or just a heterosexual woman who has had a long-term 'friend with benefits' with some business ties, too.
Either way, you can walk into a lawyer's office and give him all the information you just gave and he would tell you exactly what would happen, legally, if your business partner died or became critically ill. When he starts to tell you, write it all down so you can remember it.
You don't need to know the location of his will. It is not your business; I'm sorry to be so blunt.
He's not going to continue to share expenses with you if he is in a coma or dead so start saving your money now. In your own account. I'm reading into your question that you don't have access to a large amount of shared funds in a joint account.
You have 'been tough' and told him that you wouldn't notify his next of kin. So be it. You just sounded mean and greedy by saying that but if he became seriously ill, he would have to think for himself and notify them that he was seriously ill. They would act on his wishes - because they are HIS wishes.
They can't walk all over you. There is something called probate that everyone is subjected to, will or no will. The state steps in and distributes, according to legal guidelines, the wealth of the deceased (his estate).
You seem to be saying that because you share so much, you are entitled to a certain share of that estate. If you have a business together, you may have made some legal provisions concerning the estate of either of you should you die (and it would be nice if you had provisions for any kind of disability or state of helplessness.)
There's nothing fair or owed or deserved or rightfully yours - except what the law has already decided. A lawyer (find one who is skilled in estate planning or estate matters) will tell you exactly what that is. You can't bend it, you can't beg for it, you can't interpret it. It protects you from being 'walked over' but then again, your hand out is not going to do any good, either.
This is why marriage is a good thing. If you are gay, a civil union (and even if not a civil union) there are various things you can do with the help of a lawyer to spell out what is legally yours. There are certain rights and responsibilities that come with being married - every person (usually a teenager or someone who's fairly clueless) who says that it is just a 'piece of paper' while they continue to share so much with a guy - well, they are always surprised when a legal matter comes up.
And to all the gays who demand marriage (just to prove they can act as much like men if they are women or women if they are men), there are millions who never marry who are heterosexual and who avoid lawyers - quite stupidly. It is possible to be a single unmarried but responsible person. Everyone should have a plan - married, not married, divorced, separated, blah, blah, blah. Everyone alive has an estate, yes. It's not an esoteric entity - it's like having a body part. It's part of life.

Answer 2

He does not have to share what is in his will with anyone.And if he were to die and you did not notify his next of kin you could be in trouble.If you are so concerned then maybe you should concider selling your half of the business now before something does happen.You could also contact an attorney and find out what could happen if he were to pass away.Then you will have a better understanding of what you should do.Good luck to you...

Answer 3

It seems he has his cake and eats it too. All the benefits with no responsibility. Ask yourself if you are worth it and he loves you why doesnt he make it official? I would get out if he doesnt want to really share his life with you.

Answer 4

Well, you aren't married, so legally you have no business in his affairs, such as in legal standing. Talk to him about this, explaining it just as you did here.