Women: How does your husband/man's inability to do some housework affect your feelings about the relationship

Question

It doesn't matter if you are married or not - sometimes I just want to pack up and leave as it seems I am an unpaid maid. Do you think Men (in a live in situation) overall don't see the negative effect on the relationship? Or are they happy to be lazy until we get fed up and leave or pick a fight? How do you handle this, and has it worked or was it a short term fix?

I didn't mean all Men, sorry to those who can work the washing machine and know which end of the mop to scrub with :) You are a credit to your gender, and I see very few slammed doors and annoyed females in your future!

Answer 1

My husband only ever does things if we have company to look good.........

I have 3 bathrooms and he has cleaned 1 once, in 4 years ........

I moan and moaned so he got a cleaner to come in twice a week to help the lazy git hey.........I have 4 children I work and I have 6 bedroomed house to maintain is ridiculous, I think women do not get enough for respect for what they have to do

Answer 2

I know how you feel, there are times when I just want to throw all his dirty laundry out into the street.

Lately, since I got pregnant and it has been a high risk pregnancy. I haven't done much around the house and he has finally notice all the things I do.

The other day he was so fed up with all the mess that we had, that he started cleaning with out me asking. I was just watching from the sofa, since I was put in bed rest and was unable to move. He wash all the dishes, mop the kitchen floor, clean the bathroom did everything and in top of that brought me snacks, drinks and fluff my pillow a few times.

I guess is don't do anything for a few days and see if he gets feed up with all the mess and starts helping around.

I don't know if I will continue to get the help, but at least for now he is helping.

Answer 3

My other half is quite good at the moment. He has the cooking bug in him so he tends to cook and clean up afterwards, only because I do the washing up and leave marks on the plates etc so he has to do it again (If it works for men...) I know I do most of the housework but I do get appreciation for it although sometimes I do sit him down and talk to him if I feel he is taking me for granted, I cannot guarantee this will work for the rest of our lives though! He comes from a family that have taught him to help out around the house. He adores his grandfather, who even at the grand age of 83, still helps out around the house, and his grandad has instilled some values in him so that he never just sits on his a%%e and lets me do it all. I am quite lucky really, although I do not always think it! He has only cleaned the bathroom once but I do make sure he knows who is cleaning his p stains from around the toilet!! Eewww!! x

Answer 4

A few years ago i was engaged to a guy who was so lazy it was unbelievable. He was a really nice bloke but did no houseworkd whatsoever. I did everything and finally it became one of the main reasons we split up. He'd hide his stinking socks down the back of the sofa, leave mess everywhere on the floor and on a sunday (which was my only day off) he'd lie in bed all day and have the cheek to complain when i woke him up with the hoover at 4pm in the afternoon. I tried to keep it tidy but it was impossible and in the end i ended up living in a pig-stye and too embarassed to have my friends or parents come over. The guy i'm seeing now however, is sooooooo tidy and does all his own housework and the place is like a palace. I always find you can tell by looking at a person and the way they dress and keep themselves is a good indication of what their home will be like.

Answer 5

I feel very strongly about this. A man that just sits there quite happily watching you do everything doesn't have much respect for you does he. I speak from experience, my husband can be such a lazy sod. Because I work and end up doing most houseworky type things on the weekend, he gets the quality time with our son while I'm slogging away. He doesn't seem to understand that if he would get off his butt and help out a bit, we could all have some quality time together. That turned into a rant - sorry!

Answer 6

My husband is NOT lazy. He works his b*tt off. I do the "woman's work" (cooking, laundry, dishes, grocery shopping), and he does the "man's work" (making money, paying bills, doing home improvement projects and electrical work, fixing plumbing, maintaining cars and computers). We used to argue about who gets to clean the house because neither one of us likes doing it - then we got a maid to come in twice a month; haven't had a single "who does what" argument since. The truth is, I'm rarely "on" my husband to pick up stuff he left behind; I can throw his dirty socks in the hamper, no skin off my back. He's good at intellectual and handyman tasks, and not so good with the mundane everyday crap. Now, I'm not the best of housekeepers myself, and in a sense I'm glad he doesn't notice the messes very much; it is nice to be forgiving towards each other, and focus on more important things, like spending quality time together - even if the house is not exactly a museum.

Answer 7

I've been married for 30 years and genuinely believe there are some jobs women do better than men, and some men do better than women! I do all the housework, but should I feel I need some help, I'll ask for it and I'll get it. I dont have a problem with housework, and in fact if anything, I'm a little too houseproud. My husband works hard to provide for us and keep a roof over our head, and I work within our own business for whatever hours are required .... we work as a team, its simple.

Answer 8

Men that wont help take care of the living environment will not be trained by any manipulation, and getting mad doesn't do any good either!

Here's what I did and I will prove what I said......

I deliberatly left the house unkempt to the point of .....
the kitchen stacked with dishes, and us using paper plates, cups and plastic cutelry!
laundry piled up in the hallways and buying more clothes to wear instead of washing them!
the living room carpet so dirty that sweeping would be a joke!
the bathrooms piled up with laundry and toothpaste tubes ect. !
the garage so full that walking through is impossible!

You would think that it would hit ANYBODIES limit!!!! NOT!
I went crazy before he did! He knew that I was 'loosing' it and wouldn't be able to defeat his SLOVENLY ways and he wasan't about to give in! Either I clean or I live with it! No options there, resistance is futile!!

HIRE A MAID AND MAKE HIM PAY FOR IT. Fight fire with fire.
I did and now we're happier! G' Luck!!

Answer 9

With men you have to ask outright if you want something done. They can truly walk right by a sinkful of dirty dishes and not even see them. This drives us crazy! But, we are wired differently. Dropping hints, complaining, threatening, these things only make them shut off and go play video games or whatever activity yours does to escape reality....after they fight with us, of course. When my husband and I moved in together, this was a huge issue for us and someone suggested reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus by John Grey. It *really* helped. I learned how men think (when they finally do!) and why it's important to talk to them differently than you talk to your girlfriends. Another good book is It's A Guy Thing by David Deida. Written differently and very to-the-point on stuff. Long term fixes take time to work, so *ask* for help first and maybe make him a list (that's what mine prefers) but don't nag, it makes them feel like we're being Mommy. I hope this helped, I could go on and on but it's getting too long already!

Answer 10

honey, men arent the only ones guilty of this behavoir. i work a ten hour shift every day only to come home and see that my girlfriend has not cleaned up any of the mess that she made the night before. I get so fed up with asking her to put her stuff away, put her shoes away, pick up her trash, etc that i do just want to leave her. I am by far a small minority of men who enjoy a tidy household and she is by far a small percentage of women who just cant grasp the need for organization and cleanliness, but i digress.

women are just as guilty as men. i feel ya 100%, but i think she knows it bothers me and she does try, whether it be successful or not. Every arguement or pep talk i would give her about her habits has been met with minimum improvements.


so f-ing frustrating, im sure i could hold it against her and be like there are plenty of women out there that would jump at the chance to be with a guy like me, but i feel bad and just clean up her mess anyway