How long should I let my baby cry?

Question

My son is 7 months old and has been sleeping on the bed with my husband and I since he was born. We currenly have to rock him to sleep. We have tried several times to get him to sleep in his crib, but he will cry until one of us goes in and gets him. Several friends of mine have told me just to let him cry and check on him pericodically but he is very stubborn and will cry for 3 hours NON-STOP. Within those three hours I will go in and change him, feed him and make sure he has no other needs and then I leave and it starts all over. He sounds very scared when we leave him to cry, so much so that when I finally do give up and go get him he will not sleep the rest of the day or he wakes up screaming. I have watched all the shows and searched all the web sites searching for a solution. I just don't know what else to do. I would really like my bed back and I would like him to sleep in his crib and learn to comfort himself, I just don't know how to make it happen.

Answer 1

You should pick up that sweet baby and put him in the bed with you and your husband. He will not be little forever and you should cherish this time now. Or, you could do what we did. We took the front off of our daughter's crib and pushed it all the way up to my side of the bed (it is called the "side-car" method). That way, she is in her crib but is still right next to me - makes it so easy for night-time nursing! Take it from the mom of a 12 year-old son, there will come a day when you will want to hold him and he will push you away. My son sometimes thinks he is too old and too cool to be hugged now and it breaks my heart. Enjoy this time when he is little!!

Answer 2

Does he have any mobiles or musical things in his crib? My daughter has the Baby Einstein turtle that has an aquarium for the belly and it plays music...she still loves it at 8 months. She has been in her crib since she was a week old though and would much rather soothe herself to sleep than be rocked. Is there a night light in there? She doesnt like a dark room. Make sure the temperature in the room is good, make sure hes burped well, read him a book, etc.

My opinion is to rock him to a hard sleep and put him in his crib. He shouldnt wake up but if he does then go in and let him know you're there and leave quietly. Make sure that when you're rocking him that the chair is close to the crib...only a few steps away....so you dont disrupt him too much. After getting him to sleep in the crib for awhile put him in the crib when hes a little more awake so he can start putting himself to sleep.

I dont know if you just have a regular monitor but I think it would help your anxiety leaving him if you had a video monitor($100). Thats the only reason I was OK with leaving her in her crib at a week. Also, soon he will start to learn "object permanence" and know that even though he cant see you you're still there.

I kept going in and getting my daughter that 1st week and finally my husband put him foot down. Remember to ask his input too....and as hard as it is to think your way is better consider his ideas too. I thought he was a jerk at the time being she was so little and now I realize it was the best thing he's done for our marriage to date!

Answer 3

I personally don't believe in this, because if it does work, but then he gets sick or something you'll be up with him in the night and will have to start this crying thing all over again. (Personal experience)
I agree about sticking to your guns if you decide to do this.
Above all, you have to know that this transition is not going to take a few days, but some time. Many parents I know have light show mobiles or white noise machines to add to baby's comfort.
Make sure your son feels like his crib is a safe, happy place. (ex. you could tidy up his room while he lays wide awake in his crib in the evening) Also it could help if you get him attached to something else. Let him sleep with a t-shirt or blanket that you've had in your bed when he is sleeping with you and then make that part of his transition to his crib.
I don't think letting him cry is the key to him staying asleep and doing so in peace. You will have some sleepless nights, but he'll get in to the new groove in no time. Good luck!

Answer 4

Sorry to have to say this, but you have created this problem by never letting your son learn to go to sleep on his own. He has always relied on you to rock him and now he doesn't know what to do so no wonder he cries!

If you are absolutely sure that there is nothing wrong with him and that he is fed, changed, comfortable and warm, then you could try the controlled crying method. Leave him in his cot then go back to check him after 5 minutes. Don't give him any eye contact or speak, just reassure him you are there. Then leave the gap 10 minutes and so on. It will take some perseverance but as soon as you give in and pick him up, he will realise that however hard he cries, you will give in eventually. Then you will have to start all over again.

It is not easy but you should see results within a few days. Good luck!

Answer 5

The longer you wait to move him to his crib the harder it is going to be. Your friends are right, you need to let him cry it out. Go into check on him every once in a while to reassure him that you are still there but DO NOT pick him up. If you do he will come to expect it every time and it will only confuse him the next night(he wont know why your not coming in to pick him up because you did last night).When my son was 2 months old we started putting him to bed while he was still awake and we let him cry himself to sleep. The first night was sooo hard, but he finally went to sleep. The did this every night for the next week,and every night the crying lasted a shorter amount of time until finally,after about 2 weeks he was pretty much going to sleep on his own.It will be very hard at first but with time he will learn to sooth himself and fall asleep without your help. Good Luck:)

Answer 6

Ok, first of all, he needs a nightly ritual. Bath, story, bottle, cuddle time, whatever. Its going to take a while for him to get used to not sleeping with you, so you have to be patient. I'd say, rock him until he is almost asleep, and then put him in the crib. Talk to him softly, rub his back or belly and stay there for a little while. Ease out of the room. If he cries, let him for 30 minutes, then go back in. Don't pick him up. Just talk to him softly, sing a song, whatever, be soothing, but don't pick him up. You'll have to do this over and over, but eventually it should work. When my son was a baby, I used to play a lullaby tape for him every night as I was feeding him his bottle and rocking him. Kenny Loggin's Return to Pooh Corner is great. Hope this helps.

Answer 7

you can either nip this in the butt now, or you can deal with a 2 year old temper tantrum...your choice. When I had my babies, I NEVER let them sleep in our bed, and I NEVER rocked them to sleep (unless they were sick or not feeling good) I always laid them down in their crib, turned on some lullaby music and let them fall asleep on their own.

You have to break this bad habbit now b/4 it gets worse when he's older. The only reason he keeps crying is b/c you keep taking him out and putting him in bed with you. Babies are smart, they know which buttons to push to get what they want. Unless he's hurt or hungry or has poopy, leave him there. You might try rocking him to sleep for the first week or so, and also you can buy a lullaby cd at Target or Walmart with very soothing songs to help baby fall asleep. Keep at it, don't give up, eventually he will get out of it if you enforce it.

Answer 8

This is not a very easy process, but after a little patience, you and your little one will be much happier.

The first step in the transition is to begin letting him take naps in his crib. If you have to rock him to sleep first, that's ok. He needs to become familiar and comfortable with his new territory.

After he finally accepts this new place of his, you can begin laying him in the crib at nap time without rocking him to sleep first. You need to let him cry for 1 minute before you go back in, lay him back down, pat him, comfort him and leave the room. Let him cry for 2 minutes, go in and do the same thing. Leave the room and let him cry for 3 minutes, same thing....you get the iidea. Keep upping the time before you go back in.

When you get him to accept that you "WILL NOT" take him out of the crib, then you are good to go with the same nighttime routine.

It helps to have the same time for naps and bedtime. When you start this process, it will seem like forever, but it will soon pass and everyone will be so much happier. This worked wonders with both of my children and they are 7 years apart. You just have to have lots of patience......do not take him out of the crib at all unless he is poopy or has hurt himself.

Good Luck!

Answer 9

My baby (he's 13 now) slept with us and was like this until we went away. Can you possibly leave him with a grandmother?
He won't act like this for them - and after a little while he will sleep.
It takes time but you are doing the right thing. No eye contact, no sweet talk just a change and a hug and a pat.
Does he have a luvie? A pacifier? Try introducing a huge routine too.
Bath, little books, his last feeding (snack?? I did warm cereal)
and right in the crib! Go in every 10 minutes, then every 20.
He may not nap but I had child #3 give up naps but sleep well at night. :)

Good Luck trust me it ends. (way to fast)!!!

Answer 10

I agree with those who say whatever you do DO NOT PICK HIM UP! He is getting the attention he wants and he wont go back to sleep when you do it. Im not saying leave him screaming..go in every 5 or 10 min..reassure him that you are there for him..rub his belly..maybe sing or something. But he hasnt ever fallen asleep on his own so it will take time. He will eventually get it and fall asleep on his own. Trust me when i say it is the BEST thing you can ever do! Getting alone time with your partner is crucial! I put my twins to bed without rocking them while they are still awake so they learned how to fall asleep on their own.. They are 4 months old now and rarely cry when i put them to bed its great!