My daughter ,27, has asked me not to contact her at all?

Question

she will not tell me why or my other children. I honestly do not know what I have done to have her fell this wy. My only guess is that she does not like me being with her stepfather.(We have been married 17 years) Hard times started about 1 year ago when I left my husband after I got so depressed I wanted to die. We have gotten alot of professional help since together and as individuals.
She was not happy when we got back together. I don't know if I should honor her wishes to wait for her to contact me or just keep trying to try to talk to her? She asked me in Dec. to not connact he and that when she felt like talking she would call me, and that as an adult she could pick who she wanted to have relationships with. I love her and miss her and my granddaughter, Any advice???? I am afraid to make this even worse and truley would do anything to make this better between us if I knew what. Do I give her, her space to work it through and honor her request or should I try to contact her?

Answer 1

let her work through it. obviously she doesn't want contact and if you do not respect that she may say things out of anger that she doesn't mean. maybe so that you can feel better write her letters and just keep them. then when she is ready to continue a realtionship with you you can give them to her or throw them away if they won't help the situation. i would definetly respect her wishes though. sorry. she'll get over it.

Answer 2

Im 23 and the same thing happened to me and my mother..I abhored my stepfather when I was a child she sat back and idly let him beat slap and punch me,verbally abuse me.Working but never offering her any money to help pay a bill or feed an open mouth.Mistreating her and cheating on her.When he left things were so good,but all she could do was be depressed it was sickening and enraging when shed take him back, it was like finding out that your mother has no self-worth.AND NO EYES!!
I dont know if your husband is that way but frankly as a girl Id always hear "dont you love mommy and want me to be happy??"..."why cant you let your mother be happy?" and this is the reason because the person that you choose to be "happy" with affects everyother person in that house...I think many people should wait until their children are raised and gone before they force "almost parents" on them.Its not right to make your children miserable just for your happiness...If I had to guess this is the reason she wants nothing to do with you,its the reason why I dont talk to mine.
What you should do is send her a letter and give her the reasons why you were so depressed and that its only your intention to lavish all the love you have on your grandaughter and her if she will let you,continue to send your grandaughter presents and cards and things.Set up "boundaries" like if you too get together agree that you wont mention that man and that shes not aloud to bring up the past,unless shes willing to do it in a family counseling type setting,this way you avoid destructive behavior that wears at your already thin relationship.

Another thing is leave the husband at home she just does not want him in her life at all!And the fact that you took him back has probably really frustrated and confused her,made her feel that her opinion didnt matter at all to you..

The reason she is angry and doesnt want to talk to you is this,after that man left (or you left him) she thought you were in a good place and that you finally had seen in this man what she had seen all the time,then by letting him back in you crushed her good opinion and her hope of this person finally being out of the picture..big disapointment can you try and understand I hope you can.

You have to get that you sort of broke her heart.
And she has to Respect that you are and adult not just a mother but a woman making her own decisions.

As one who is at the other end of the problem this is all I can tell you.

Forgive if I offend I was just being 100 percent forthcoming.

Answer 3

Let her go. She'll certainly contact you but that's not the point. This is probably the first time she stands up to what I could call "your authority".
It's probably not that personal as the mistakes you made are surely an effect of the suppression toward yourself as you were growing up.
Kids naturally rebel against any authority as in their world, love is the only truth. A poet once said children come from heaven...
Do not feel bad but you must respect all her choices. They're probably based on love.

Answer 4

This is a hard question but I honestly think space is what she needs and you just have to live in hope that one day she'll work things out in her own way and be right to talk to you again.

In another sense, what you do with your life and who you marry is your choice not hers and if she has her own child then i assume she isnt young and living at home to be really affected by your relationship. the depression on the other hand is obviously affecting her and she probably needs more help or simply time.

If you do want to try talking to her for the last time. choose your words wisely and try and speak to her about how you feel about her not talking to you and how you expect she'd be feeling at this point in time. don't talk about yourself or how sad you'll feel if you don't talk to her or see your grandchild. instead focus on her and let her realise that she can have time if she needs it and you'll always wait for her to talk to you again. you may find in the end she respects you for actually standing back and giving you space and will in fact say to you that she simply needs time and will be more calm to go off and think about things. and you can only pray that she comes back to your open arms.

best of luck. I know its tough but hang in there and hopefully one day she'll tell you what he reasoning is and you'll be seeing her again.

Answer 5

Give her the space .. don't contact her.
But make sure she does understand that you will continue to send birthday and Christmas presents to your granddaughter that wasn't part of the deal..
Do not acknowledge your daughter's birthday nor buy anything for her for Christmas.
She wants to be a lone wolf ie, pill give her the wide open spaces.

Answer 6

When she feels like talking, she will call you.

In the meantime, send gifts and birthday cards and 'just thinking of you' cards and write letters to your granddaughter, also send your daughter cards, letters, gifts and keep in touch by mail.

Let her know that you love her without her having to talk for now. You can do all the talking through the mail. Mail something every day or every other day.

Keep yourself busy doing something positive - every day to let your daughter know that you care about her.

Answer 7

I find it really hard to believe that you don't have a clue as to why she doesn't want contact. More than likely she has said it to you. Replay your last couple conversations, and LISTEN, not just to what you want to hear.
Someone doesn't take a step like this unless they are at the end of their rope.
Leave her alone for now. Respect her wishes. And believe me, if you can't figure it out, she will tell someone and that someone will tell you. Such is the gossip chain of families LOL

Answer 8

I agree! Write a letter and tell her how you feel and that you have no idea of what you have done. My father and I communicated alot with letters even when I lived at home( I'm 43 now) It was much easier to tell him what was on my mind in a letter or note.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I 'm sure she will come around soon.

Answer 9

hey dont worry 2 much i no u must miss them, but i realy think she needs to grow up. she may b 27 but is acting like 2. if being with him makes u happy then dont worry bou what she thinks, she is just doing this to try and punish u 4 taking him back, dont let ur daughter control u cause thats what it seems like shes doing. would she like it if u told her who she should b with? I think not.. good luck with this i no this is sad but hang in there shes surly 2 come around.

Answer 10

Well i would write a letter to her asking what you did and ask her how you can make it better.And if she still don't want to talk give her some space.(i should know my mom did that with my grandma lol) She will want your help with something or want to talk to you just remimber that she still loves you down in her heart and you love her.Everything will be better ;-)