Why do the negative comments by another affect an alcoholic in recovery?

Question

My girlfriend of about 3 years has recently been telling me that I am doomed to drink again. I am sober, but somehow her telling me this makes me want to drink. Why are her comments leading to a compulsion with-in myself to want to pick up a drink? (wise answers only, and not those that tell me I should get rid of her....that is a given. I am looking for meaning behind the psychological fabric that constructs these cravings)

Answer 1

Quite a bit of BS here. Who are you getting sober for? You need to get sober for yourself, as not to have other peoples opinions sway you. I think your soon to be ex may be more insightful than you give her credit for. I use a spiritual program; i do the right thing, because it is the right thing to do. I find psychological programs rather sterile and artificial. Remember, your girlfriend is not your worst enemy; you are.

Answer 2

When we are trying to do something which takes a lot of willpower, we need a LOT of support. When we are vulnerable, we are easy to 'penetrate'. If someone is telling you that you CAN'T do something, which you're not so sure you can either - sometimes you just feel as though they're reading your unsure thoughts and it is easy to agree with them.

This is where you need to fight it the most! Sometimes you have to do things you're not sure you can and the rest will follow. At this point, you are still teetering a little, but if you hang in there, and resist the temptation, you will become strong enough NOT to allow comments like that to affect you. You will know that you are not doomed to repeat your past mistakes.

In the meantime, learn all you can on Cognitive Behavior Therapy. It helps a lot for you to focus on how much of what you do is based on how others perceive you. It helps you to focus on yourself and your own direction - almost like giving you a tunnel vision to help you not become so distracted by what others think, do or say, to the point where it influences you in a negative way.

Answer 3

You are an addict. You can be sober though and enjoy life. If she doesn't have faith in you, ask her if she would like to go to an Al-anon meeting while you attend AA. Maybe that will open her eyes a bit. I want you to know how proud I am of you that you want to live and have chosen a life of sobriety. All of the people in recovery are the same people you used to hang around in your days of doom, but now they're sober. Anytime your GF tries to put you down again, tell her it would be nice if she would encourage instead of sabatoge. As far as the psych factor behind it, talk to your counselor or an AA elder.

Answer 4

Recovery is not easy and you are very vulnerable right now. Of course it would affect you negatively when the person who should be supporting you the most is being negative. Hopefully you are in a recovery program like AA. If not, I suggest you try a meeting where you will have lots of questions answered about what you are and will go through. Having a support system will help your recovery go much smoother and stay positive. Congratulations on making a positive life decision. You can do it. Do it for yourself!!!

Answer 5

That is because you are in fragile state of mind when it comes to drinking. That is understandable. Alcoholism is an addiction to a powerful chemical that alters your mind. This is part of your recovery. Part of you still want to drink. Your concious part of mind is telling you, you should not.

By stating the question the way you did, you are proving to yourself that if you drink, it is because your girlfriend made the suggestion that you will drink at later date. In another words, you have given yourself a permission and an excuse to go-ahead and drink.

Instead, YOU need to remind yourself why you want to quit and stay sober. Your response and thought will need to change when someone makes negative comment.

See? It's all up to you. You can change. You have changed. Remain changed.

By the way, it doesn't necessary mean you need to replace your girlfriend. It is awfully unsupportive of her and misguided of her to make such comment. However, many people do not understand how to be supportive when someone is going through crisis. You can prove to her, she is/was wrong.

Answer 6

There are two types of addiction-related craving: one is physical, which is related to withdrawal; and the other is memory-based, consisting of a desire that persists long after withdrawal has been subdued.
Craving is also defined in terms of the desire to use a drug and previous memories of pleasure superimposed upon a negative emotional state.
Alcohol craving is directly related to clinical symptoms of depression and anxiety, and inversely related to length of abstinence. Positive emotions and negative emotions are two separate, distinct and independent dimensions, possibly regulated by different brain systems. Alcohol cravings are based on the temperament factor responsible for negative emotions. This suggests that those individuals who are especially vulnerable to negative emotions are the ones who will miss alcohol the most when trying to abstain.
For alcoholics, craving correlated more with anxiety and harm avoidance, which indicates that alcohol is more of an anti-anxiety measure.
Alcohol seems to provide a lessening of negative emotions and may be used as a 'tool' to deal with tensions and nervousness, that is, anxiety.

But go to the website below for more information on alcohol cravings. Hope it helps. Good Luck

http://www.wrongdiagnosis.com/sym/cravings.htm

Answer 7

My theory is that these substances (alcohol, other drugs or whatever) provide some relief from stress so we actually look for / are drawn to reasons to do them again.
Unfortunately, for some, the substance use is excessive and results is MORE stress later when it turns out that our actions under the influence were 'undesirable'.
If you have had to pay the price of loosing friends, loosing jobs , causing accidents or any of the myriad of disasters due to behavior under the influence . . .
Promise yourself that you will NOT subject yourself to any of that misery again , especially over some girl.
If your girlfriend is acting stupid (telling you you're doomed)
> > > GET A NEW GIRLFRIEND !

You should value your health and your future so much that no stupid person could send you backwards.

If you are paying for a super fancy car that is 90% of your paycheck - dump it .
. . trade it in / reduce stress.
If you are socializing with someone who is a downer -
Dump them . . . trade them in / reduce stress.

She is now part of your stress load - dump her and sign up for some fun classes at the local community center or community college and meet some Good people !

But that is just my theory . . .

Answer 8

Because I think that when we are recovering from an addiction of any kind we struggle everyday not to give in to our weakness. When someone tells us that we are "doomed" to drink again, this relieves us from some of the responsibility of our addiction. We're looking for an excuse to backslide and how can we help if if we are "DOOMED" to do it.

Answer 9

Addiction is such a strong force that we as individuals are so unsure about our own ability to remain clean and sober that a negative suggestion weakens our beliefs in ourselves. As you well know we have to surrender our addiction over to the care of God on a daily basis, and God being unseen by our naturalness
makes us tend to question his strength and control as well. At one point and time in your recovery you will be able to laugh at your GF, and know that you know that you know that "one day at a time" you have gained the strength and faith to conquer the very deamon that once was destroying you.

Answer 10

a million-Turning a unfavorable remark right into a favorable remark is the main properly known concern in such question. 2-conserving a favorable approach is way less annoying reported than carried out, in spite of if it somewhat is key to our usual happiness and success in existence 3-continuously we remmeber unfavorable issues and overlook good issues so substitute unfavorable into useful the easy thank you to overlook each and every thing.