What does it feel like to have an affair?

Question

The person cheated has trouble getting over the betrayal, hurt and anger. But what about the cheater? What do they feel when they have an affair, leave their spouses and family? I am just trying to understand the other perspective..

Answer 1

I guess it's different for everybody depending on the situation leading up to the affair... But there's an excitement and adrenaline rush in doing something taboo. The cheater might experience that lustfulness that you experience when you first start to date someone where you think of them every second and your heart springs into your head when you look them in the eyes. Then there's a lot of dread..making sure all the evidence is gone and being afraid you'll be caught. And then there's the guilt... being guilty about hurting your spouse and tearing apart your family (and being guitly about hurting HIS spouse and tearing apart HIS family) and guilt of disappointing those who respected you.

What a tangled web we weave. . .

Answer 2

I was a cheater myself and I will tell you from personal experiences I felt really guilty, and told my husband(now), boyfriend(then) what had happened and we managed to work things out. But the guilt was there and the low self-esteem was there for a while because of the guilt. Once we both agreed to never discuss it again as long as it never happens again then my self esteem went back up. I have not cheated on him since but even looking at a guy now I still feel a little guilty about it. So there is a point of view from a past cheater.

Answer 3

Its not a good feeling. At the time, you think its a good thing. Its new and exciting, the feel of doing the forbidden, but when its all said and done with, it leaves you empty and torn inside. Its really hard to explain. You're stuck with the shame, the guilt, the embarassment, if your spouse finds out, you're then dealing with the idea that you hurt the most important person in your life, the one you promised to always be faithful to. Then you have choices to make. Stay or leave, and neither of those are easy. I am speaking from experience and actually both sides of the fence. I cheated on my husband, and he later cheated on me. He didnt know about my indiscretion until he cheated and i told him what i did to him. We are trying to work it out and save our marriage, but it is THE hardest thing we have ever done and will probably ever do. My advice to you, is just dont cheat. Plain and simple. Nothing good ever comes out of it.

Answer 4

Once I cheated my husband because I felt my needs were not being met...I really felt miserable in my marriage and I found someone who opened up my eyes and cheered me up when I needed to feel I was worth it. At that point it was wonderful. I felt I was alive!!!! again. I had not left my house but I had a double life and I started to feel more and more miserable...until I had to make a decision. Of course I felt I was a bad person, that I was hurting someone, that it was a mistake...but it's very hard to leave the one who tells you you're wonderful to go back with the one who ignores you. I never moved on with my lover or left my kids. I ended the affair instead but it was tremendously difficult..had to see the shrink for some time and in the end, we divorced. I felt relieved...I was being honest for the first time in years!!!. And no, there were no times and are no times now when I think of my ex or us as a couple...but I do miss having a "complete" family sometimes.

Answer 5

Having cheated with a co-worker for over 2 years on and off I definitly miss him and think of him often. It was an emotional affair as well as sexual. It's been 3 years since we called it quits. Many times I had been on the verge of leaving, but didn't. My Husband forgave me and we have had a stronger marriage since, although there is a piece of our marriage that has been damaged forever. Although I miss him, I also can't believe that I put our my marriage at risk. It felt good in the moment to have someone giving me attention that my husband wasn't. I did feel as though my husband wasn't always there for me. He wasn't giving me what I needed in terms of love, communication and attention. Men seem more driven by sex. My husband still has a hard time in these areas even though he is very aware of what I want and need. Although I feel like I shouldn't have done what I did, a also think that my husband is partly to blame for not giving more of himself to me. I have very little contact with this person because I know the risk of being sucked in again by him. Although I strongly disagree with the old saying "once a cheater, always a cheater." I have learned my lesson. I have seen the pain that I have caused my husband, which causes me great pain to see that. I would never allow myself that opportunity again. I don't share with my husband how much I cared for the other person. But, I am only human and for me to share a relationship with someone I am going to care about them. We all love and care for many people in our life.

Answer 6

They feel alot of guilt, and low self esteem..If they don't find out about it, your own concience will get you for it by making YOU (the cheater) always think that your significant other is cheating as well and you will be tearing yourself up over something stupid you did....and that right their can ruine a marriage!

Answer 7

I just listened to one of Justin Timberlake's new songs on Yahoo music ( Yahoo music is so great- try it out). The song is titled. "What goes around ...comes around". I wonder if he was singing about Britney or Cameron cheating on him? Anyways...my ex left for me younger ***** last year and now he is regretting it I know it!!!!! He acts so sweet to me and looks my way like ... please forgive me. Well.. I'm now with that woman's man she left him for! I even married him! It may sound like revenge, but he was just a wonderful man ( she thought he was soooooo boring). Now she calls him every day withy any crap she can think of just to get a piece of what she misses. My ex was slime and the only reason i never left him first was for my son. I am so glad he dumped me for her - those cheaters are now getting what they deserve- each other. They'll never trust each other! Ha!

Answer 8

when you're cheating on someone you get a pit feeling that you're doing something wrong.
once you've been discovered the only thing to do is to repent to God, your family, frineds, kids, person you cheated with, etc. when they forgive you you should feel better, but if you don't then maybe you didn't mean your sorryness whole-heartedly.
think about it.
Ask God to take you back and he will. Ask for His forgiveness whole-heartegly, and He will forgive you.

Answer 9

They SHOULD be feeling guilt and low self esteem.
They should be reflecting on what they've done and choose to never do it again.
Unfortunately, for them, I don't give second chances when it comes to cheating.

Answer 10

IT'S LIKE THE CHEATER FEELS GUILTY AND KNOWS THE CONSQUENCES BUT ITS TEMPTING AND THE FEELING YOU GET FROM THE PERSON YOU ARE CHEATING WITH , YOU DON'T GET FROM YOUR MATE SO YOU KEEP CHEATING BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU WANT FROM YOUR MATE.